Headlights
by ddgorgeous
Summary: Sometimes life comes at you hard leaving you stunned like a deer in headlights. Derek suddenly finds himself at a crossroad where one wrong move will cost him everything.
1. Chapter 1

Tonight was one of those nights when he questioned what he did for a living; wondering if it all really mattered what he and the others did. The monsters just kept coming, growing bigger and badder with each case. Nothing they did stopped the madness that seemed to consume the innocent of the world. Was he fooling himself to think that what he did really mattered? This last case was over but Derek was finding it difficult to identify the winner. The UnSub had been killed by a bullet from his gun but it didn't change the fact that five women had been kidnapped, raped and brutally murdered in front of their husbands. It also didn't matter that the lives of the victims and their families were ruined. No, there was no winner in this closed case. Derek's body was sore and tired. He'd fought with an oversized killer and in the end killed him but all he had to show for it were bumps, bruises and a foul disposition.

The team wanted to head to the nearest bar and drink away the memory of the recently departed as if alcohol would or could actually erase what they had just witnessed. He needed a drink, no he need several drinks so he agreed to meet the others. They knew what the meeting and the alcohol really did; it was to remind them that they weren't alone in their feelings of hopelessness, fighting an unbeatable war that didn't pay nearly enough even though that's not the reason they had all agreed to do what they did.

The questions of why would always be in their minds as they headed off to yet another case time and time and again. They did it to save an innocent and to give back the normalcy and convince the weak that good still existed even though they'd witnessed evidence to the contrary. There wasn't enough alcohol, pills or sleep to wipe away the memories, the pain and the regret for being too late, too human to save them all. He felt raw at this moment the dark cold night seemed to put him in a particularly vulnerable mindset. He slowly walked toward his car and climbed into the driver's seat waving to his team mates as they each headed away from Lot B designated for FBI employees and imagining the feel of the thick alcohol burning as it slid down his throat.

 **Mar's Bistro –**

Mar's Bistro was an upscale restaurant tucked away in a hidden corner of downtown D.C. It was originally an old abandoned warehouse slated for demolition until a local businesswoman purchased it for a dollar from the city and renovated it. Marsela Bennington, a beautiful olive-skinned woman in her early forties, owed the BAU team her life; she'd been rescued from a stalker seven years ago. She was one of the innocents that knew how it felt to be given a new lease on life because the team had arrived on time. As her thank you, she always took care of Hotch and his agents whenever they came in together or alone. Sometimes it meant sending out a SOS when one came in alone and drank way beyond his or her capacity. She was all too aware of what they did for a living and so she was honored to know that she was their safe harbor in time of need. It also gave her an opportunity to see the one and only, Special Agent David Rossi upon whom she had a huge crush. Of course he hadn't made a move and neither had she yet it didn't stop her heart from skipping an extra beat whenever he walked through the door. Mar had heard about his ongoing fling with his boss. She thought it funny that everyone walked around as if they didn't know that the two of them were sleeping together. It was for the best anyway; married three times and until Strauss he was as big a serial dater as Morgan. She watched him and the rest drag themselves into her place after work and the looks in their eyes scared her. Getting too close and being pulled into any of their lives would have been an invitation to hell.

Morgan wasn't sure if it was the curvaceous redhead or the fact that the drinks weren't coming to the table fast enough. So, he volunteered to go and place their order with Mike the Bartender. Alex, JJ and Garcia rolled their eyes and watched as he strolled to the bar. The woman who had been staring the agent down all evening turned and gave him her undivided attention smiling confidently as he got closer. Morgan had played this scene countless times before he knew all too well how it would end. These very scenes contributed to his reputation as a player. He liked what he saw she was his type, gorgeous, female and willing. As he stood waiting for Mike, he felt her enter his personal space with a slight brush against his arm with hers.

"Rough day?"

"Yeah. I guess you could say that."

"Looks like you could use some company."

He glanced back at his table and then at the woman. This was way too easy he thought to himself.

"I've got plenty of company." He said sounding uninterested.

The woman was surprised at his response as she shot a quick glance at his table. _Had she missed something or someone?_ She thought.

"Maybe not the right company."

Mike came over with a familiar grin and took his order. He'd witnessed this scene a million times and had heard about Morgan's string of lovely conquests and seen it with his own eyes how the agent would come in and without much effort leave with the most gorgeous woman in the house. He couldn't help but think he should get some sort of finder's fee for the man's good fortune.

"I'll have the drinks brought over." Mike said as he shot a quick glance at the woman.

"Thanks, man. Oh and whatever the lovely lady is having put it on my tab." Morgan added.

"Thank you Handsome." She said confidently.

Without another word, Morgan headed back to the table to the smirks and grins of his friends.

Garcia watched the familiar exchange between Morgan and the woman at the bar. She was disappointed that he seemed so content in living a mediocre life when she knew he had more to offer. She was even more disappointed in herself for secretly holding out hope that he'd change. He'd never claimed to be more that who and what he was and never expressed a desire for more from a woman but what he got; casual sex with no strings and no commitment. His job left no room for anyone special and he refused to allow the distraction of a relationship to steal the edge he needed in the field. Still, she wanted more for him and from him but for now, tonight she watched him as he was being true to himself with no shame and no apology.

Morgan noticed Garcia's mood had changed when he returned to the table. He knew why and he also knew she was trying to play off her sudden anger that was aimed at him. He was too tired and too drunk to deal with it. She was his best friend and he was hers but he was not going to indulge her with conversation about his lifestyle. He needed something to distract him from the pain and he needed a place to hide from the nightmares even for just a night. As much as he needed relief he hated the empty useless feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach after he sobered up enough to go home from the latest stranger's bed. No matter, he wasn't sure if he had the strength tonight to make the right choice.

The team continued to talk and unwind laughing and staying away from talk of their most recent case. Mar sent over several orders of hot wings, club sandwiches, pasta and salad for them to munch on. They hadn't eaten a decent meal all week, she knew and she owed them. Devouring the food gratefully, the agents thanked Mar for always taking care of them. Rossi smiled and winked at the dark haired beauty when she personally brought over the feast. She lingered standing ever so close to the man that occupied her thoughts far too much, just close enough that her body grazed his arm. He turned knowingly catching a wicked smile on her face. The others couldn't help noticing the two lose themselves in each other's eyes as they began passing the food around.

"You are an angel Cara Mia." Rossi whispered.

"It's the least I can do for my personal heroes."

JJ smiled at the exchange shaking her head, as she was the first to dive into the food. Garcia quickly followed trying to hide her irritation at Morgan and now Rossi.

"You going to fix me a plate, Baby Girl?" Morgan crooned leaning toward her playfully.

Penelope's body stiffened and her face flushed bright red. She wanted to ignore him; better yet she wanted to slap the taste out of his mouth for being so predictable in the face of yet another strange woman.

"Have your new friend fix your plate." She responded dryly.

"Maybe I will, Sweetness." He teased.

She so wanted to dump her plate in his lap and laugh at the shocked look in his eyes as the hot food landed squarely in his crotch but she restrained herself and continued to ignore him, which seemed to give him pleasure.

After another hour or so, Morgan was stuffed. He was glad he'd eaten otherwise he wouldn't have been able to drive home with nothing but alcohol in his system. He noticed the redhead at the bar paying her tab. As she headed toward the door she shot a final glance and smile his way. He nodded and followed her ass as it wiggled out the door.

Feeling no pain, Morgan stepped out into the blackness and just as he thought she was still there. His need for company began to well up inside of him as he watched her unlock the door of her brand new S550. It would be so easy he thought to himself. She was willing and he was needy and he knew he'd be kicking himself for not taking her up on her unspoken offer. He slid behind the wheel and started his engine. Exhausted from a long week, from stretching his endurance beyond it's limits but most of all he was tired of being predictable.

She watched as he drove off into the night. It seemed as if the only thing hugging her tonight would be the expensive leather interior of her car. She'd underestimated the man whom she'd been told would be easy to lure back to her place. He had the look in his eyes that men always had when they needed a quick fix. She had what he needed, what he wanted yet here she sat alone and wondering why he'd chosen to go home alone. It wouldn't be the last time he'd see her, no, she had plans for him and tonight was just the beginning of what she had in store. As she watched his taillights vanish from sight she started her engine and a confident smile appeared on her face.

Garcia knew it wasn't a coincidence that Morgan had left shortly after the woman at the bar. She and JJ had been the next to leave Mar's and all she wanted to do was soak in a hot bath and go to bed. Fighting back tears she watched the woman follow him out of the parking lot. JJ noticed that she had gone quiet on her and she knew why. Her friend had foolishly fallen for a certain special agent and JJ knew that that would spell nothing but heartache for Garcia. Of course she'd never admit to the truth but it didn't change the fact that Morgan was going to break her heart whether he intended to or not.

"You okay, Pen?" JJ asked concerned.

"Sure. Peachy just peachy." Penelope answered faking cheerfulness.

The two walked toward their cars pulling their coats close around them to ward off the cold air.

"He's not worth it you know."

"What? Who?"

"You know who I'm talking about."

"JJ, please let's not have this conversation."

"Morgan is a lost cause, you know that right?"

"JJ, he's not a lost cause. Nobody's a lost cause."

"I'm just saying, you can't change him; you're going to get hurt."

"Morgan's my friend I just think he can do a lot better."

"I think he's more than just your friend, Garcia."

"You're wrong about that. "

"Then why are you so upset?"

"I hate profilers!"

JJ wrapped her arms around her friend's shoulder and the two proceeded toward their cars.


	2. Chapter 2

**Home of Derek Morgan – Next Morning (Friday)**

Derek cursed himself as the shrill piercing sound of the alarm clock crashed into his being awakening the consequences of last night's mindless indulgences. It hurt to open his eyes and lifting his head from the pillow was out of the question. But he had to go to work and he had to be sober and ready to conquer evil. At least he had found his way home and had spent the night alone in his own bed. Right now he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Right and wrong seemed blurred at the moment as he struggled to see through the haze of a splitting headache. After a few moments his hand found the offending alarm and fumbled around until he found the off button. His hand fell limp next to his head on the bed. He could only pray that they did not get a case…today already sucked and it was only seven-thirty.

 **BAU HEADQUARTERS – QUANTICO, VA. – MORNING**

Reid sat at his desk in the bullpen. He'd been in for at least an hour when a haggard Morgan stumbled off the elevator. With a smirk on his face he watched his friend approach.

"Late night? You look like shit!" Reid teased.

"Don't start…" Morgan mumbled.

"You got pretty hammered last night. I haven't seen you throw 'em back like that in a while."

"Yeah it was one of those kind of nights." Morgan squinted against the bright lights.

Morgan looked up towards Garcia's office as he leaned against Reid's desk.

"She's not in yet."

"Thanks."

Morgan headed toward the smell of coffee and Reid laughed under his breath and turned back to the open file on his desk.

Shortly after Morgan's arrival, Garcia and JJ arrived together chatting, no signs of last night's gathering at Mar's. Each one of them had held their own but the two looked flawless as usual.

"Good Morning Spence!" JJ said cheerfully, she was the only one who called him Spence.

"Good Morning."

"Good Morning Junior G-Man!" Garcia seemed to have a million nicknames for everyone; he liked Junior G-Man as well as any of the others he supposed.

"Hey Garcia. You two look remarkably well considering…"

"Considering what?"

"Considering you both put quite a bit of alcohol away last night."

"Maybe but not as much as our resident playboy!" JJ quipped back.

Just then Morgan approached the group coffee in hand. When the two ladies saw him, they both said in unison, "You look like shit!"

Morgan with a fake hurt look on his face looked the two up and down and walked away shaking his head and without responding to their insult. The three chuckled amongst themselves as they watched him gingerly take the steps and head toward his office.

Morgan eased his body slowly into his chair behind his desk. If he looked like shit he felt like hell. His head was splitting and his body still ached from the last case. The weekend couldn't come soon enough and he promised himself that he was staying far away from alcohol.

There was one thing he needed to do and that was to fix things with his best friend. Something had shifted between them over that last few weeks. The air between them was tense and uncomfortable. Penelope Garcia had been the one constant in his life for the last nine years and he needed her, when she wasn't happy then he wasn't happy. They were so connected to each other that he knew that he was the reason for her unhappiness. Lately he'd been selfish dealing with his own demons that he had neglected her and for that he needed to make amends.

Penelope settled herself in her lair surrounded by her babies. One by one she powered them up and reveled in the hum of her cyber world. She owned this space and place. Her confidence lay at her fingertips. Every inch of the small space spoke to who she was and she was truly the Goddess of All-Knowing. What she knew was that she had to get a grip on her feelings for her best friend. No good thing could possibly come from hanging onto a secret fantasy of her and Derek being more than what they were. She couldn't change him he was who he was. He was a fierce warrior against evil and he was a loyal loving friend and she'd do anything even sacrifice her heart to keep him in her life. Lately, she was having trouble keeping those feelings undercover. Something had changed in her and her heart was threatening to take her to a place that neither one of them were prepared to go. Her predictable relationship with Kevin had ended when he wanted more from her a lifetime commitment as his wife. Kevin was a great guy who loved the idea of her and had convinced himself that they could be happy together even though he knew he didn't own her heart…and never would. He had seen how she looked at Morgan and how the two of them were with each other; so easy, comfortable…he needed that and he needed her to choose him. He'd even asked Morgan for help which he'd refused.

Penelope's phone rang alerting her to a text message. It was Derek's ring and she quickly fished it from her large blue vinyl bag.

 _"Lunch at Harry's? My treat!"_

Suddenly she froze, reading the message over and over not knowing how to respond. They hadn't spent much time together lately. This was what she wanted more time and more of him. They needed to talk and get back on track but he seemed distracted lately and the distance between them was unbearable.

 _"Love to!"_ She responded and began working, her mind far from the diagnostics that needed her attention.

 **Harry's Deli – Afternoon**

Harry's Deli was a short two-block walk from the office. It was normally busy around lunchtime but somehow Harry and his wife Delia managed the crowd with ease. Their Roast Beef on Sourdough was amazing and Derek's regular request. Penelope always chose the Chicken Caesar Salad. The two walked in together, Derek had insisted on holding her hand and she was glad that at least that hadn't changed between them. Delia was behind the counter and waved at them as they grabbed the last available booth in the back.

"Thanks for having lunch with me, Baby Girl." He said smoothly searching her face.

"Thanks for inviting me." She responded trying not to look at him.

Delia came over with a small pad and a wide knowing smile. She was like everyone else who'd sworn that the two would make a perfect couple.

"Hello you two. I haven't seen you in here in a while."

"Work has been keeping us pretty busy." He responded.

"Well you tell Uncle Sam that you still need to eat!" She chuckled. "Your usuals?"

"Yes. Please." Penelope spoke up.

"Same for me too, Delia." Morgan winked at the woman as she walked away.

Derek gently placed his hands on Penelope's and squeezed them lightly. He waited until she looked at him before speaking.

"Hey, listen, I think we need to talk."

"Do we?" Her heart began pounding furiously.

"I think I owe you an apology."

"For what?"

"I've been neglecting my Baby Girl and that's not cool."

She smiled fighting back the tears. She relaxed a little and looked at him for the first time since they had taken their seats.

"Don't be silly. I know you have a lot going on with work and everything…"

"I'm never too busy for you. But I've been slacking on my friend duties lately and I want to make it up to you."

Never had the word, "Friend" felt so heavy…so final. She kept her gaze on him. Once again, her heart was demanding more and she couldn't stop the lone tear that escaped running free down her face.

"You don't owe me anything, really. We're good." She said unconvincingly.

He was worried and the tears didn't help settle his emotions.

"Then why the tears?"

"You know me, Derek…I just love you and love our friendship and I don't want to lose it."

"You could never lose me. I need you and I'm not going any where!"

He squeezed her hands again and the two sat in silence for the next few seconds. Delia brought over their food and placed it in front of them. The older woman noticed Penelope's mood.

"Hey Pen, I was wondering if you have time soon if you could come by and help me with a computer problem?"

"Oh…sure I'd be happy to. How about if I come by after work tonight?"

"Perfect! Thanks, Hun. You two enjoy your meal."

The next several minutes were spent talking and enjoying each other's company and making up for lost time. Delia watched the pair from behind the counter never had she seen two so right, so in love and so absolutely clueless.

Just as the two waved at Delia and left a curvaceous redhead approached the counter. She had taken great care not to be seen by the pair. Although the way that gorgeous man was staring and holding onto his companion, she doubted he'd even notice or remember her from just the night before. Delia greeted her with a smile and eagerness to serve.

"How can I help you, Ma'am?"

"Uh…was that Derek Morgan that just left?"

"Why yes it was." Delia could count the times she'd answered that question over the years.

"Damn he's gorgeous!"

"Get in line, Sweetie!" Delia looked at the woman she wasn't like the regular Derek Morgan Ogler. She seemed to have another agenda and it made Delia a little uncomfortable. The woman watched Derek and Penelope until they were out of sight then turning with a fake smile ordered the special to go


	3. Chapter 3

Headlights Pt 3 of chapter 1

The team was exhausted and in need of the weekend off that Hotch had given them. JJ and Will had decided at the last minute to take Henry to New Orleans to visit family for the weekend, Alex was going to surprise her husband in Cambridge, Reid was going stay home reorganizing his extensive library and then taking in an Orson Welles Film Festival. Hotch and Jack were going to New York to visit Beth and the re-connected best friends were going to make up for lost time. Tonight was movie night and Derek was heading out shortly to get things ready for Penelope's arrival.

Garcia was happy that she and Morgan were going to spend time together this weekend. She'd missed the time that had become routine with them. Her relationship with Kevin had definitely forced them to redefine their friendship but now that she was single and dealing with her unresolved feelings for Morgan Penelope was eager to have him back full time. She'd learned some hard lessons while with Kevin. No matter whom she dated or spent time with she couldn't deny what her heart felt. It sucked, she thought, that a person couldn't help whom they loved or who loved them back. She was the first to admit that she had to go on with her life no matter what that looked like. She had no control over the future and she knew full well that that future may not give her what she wanted but no matter what it held; Morgan had to be in it he meant everything to her and his friendship was engraved in her very being.

The two were starting the weekend with a movie night at his place. He'd want to watch some gory horror movie or some guy's movie with lots of violence and speed. She'd want to watch a tear jerking romantic girly movie. Depending how bad he felt about the last few months, she would most likely win out. She smiled at the thought.

Garcia wrapped up things in her lair, shutting down her computers and packing her bag to officially start her weekend. Her first stop was to Harry's to fix Delia's computer then off to Derek's.

 **Harry's Deli – Later**

The crowd was considerably lighter than when she and Morgan had been in earlier. It was getting closer to closing and most of the customers were there to get coffee and the remaining pastries and sandwiches at Delia's discounted prices.

Harry had opened the small corner business over forty years ago and it had become a landmark over the years. It had been the first place Garcia remembered eating when she began working with the BAU.

Delia met Harry in this very spot shortly after he had opened. The man was smitten with the dark-haired pale-skinned girl on first sight. She had a fire in her eyes that pierced him to his core. She noticed the scruffy, long-haired man who seemed more fitted for construction instead of the restaurant business. He was kind and his funny disposition had drawn her in immediately and the fact that he made a mean roast beef sandwich didn't hurt either.

The bell over the door chimed as Penelope pushed it open and entered. Delia was behind the counter cleaning. She looked up and smiled waving Penelope over.

"You made it!"

"Of course. I can't have you struggling with sick computers now, can I?"

"Come on in the back."

Penelope passed the counter and through the dark green curtain that Delia held open for her. The kitchen was surprisingly large compared to the rest of the place. Harry was busy at one of the sinks and didn't even notice the two women until Delia spoke to him.

"Babe, keep an ear out for the front. Pen and I will be in the office."

Harry looked up towards his wife's voice and smiled and nodded at the two.

"I got it, Dear."

The two walked into the small cluttered office and Penelope walked past Delia to the old outdated computer and turned it on.

"If you ever decide to come into the 21st century I know a place that will give you a great deal on a new system."

"I don't really know what to do with this old one let alone a new get up."

"I teach classes at the community center on Thursday evenings if you're interested."

"Really? Hmm…maybe I just might take you up on that, Penelope."

Garcia quickly found the problem. Besides it's age the computer hadn't had any tender loving care in years; no updates, no scans…nothing. After working her magic for the next fifteen minutes Delia was back in business.

"I don't mind coming by every now and then to check on this baby if you don't have time to stop by the center on Thursdays."

"I'd love that. Thank you."

Penelope began packing up her bag as Delia watched with curiosity.

"It was good seeing you and Derek this afternoon. It's been a while."

"Yeah we've had some pretty rough cases lately."

"Can I ask you a personal question, Pen?"

"Sure. I guess."

"When are you two going to get together? I mean for real get together?

"Delia! Derek? Me? We're just good friends, nothing more."

"It doesn't look that way."

"Well it's that way. Trust me."

Penelope smiled awkwardly and headed through the small doorway and back into the kitchen. Delia followed her out.

"I'm not trying to get in your business but I know a few things."

"Yeah?" Pen stopped and turned toward the older woman. "And what do you know?"

"I know you're in love with him. It's written all over your face, Sweetie."

Penelope couldn't think of a comeback. Normally she'd have something witty to say but she just stared into Delia's knowing eyes and remained silent. Her emotions began bubbling up and she wanted to cry and scream out loud but she didn't.

"He's not in love with me. So I guess it doesn't really matter how I feel."

"Don't be so sure. "

"What?"

"I told you, I know things. Now, you go and have yourself a good weekend."

Delia wrapped her arm around Penelope's and the two proceeded out to the front of the Deli where Harry was busy bagging donuts and sandwiches for a customer. Penelope said goodbye to the two and headed out to her car.

Chloe Irvin twisted a strand of her red hair around her index finger and then placed it behind her ear. She watched the blonde woman from across the street as she got into an orange late model Cadillac. A smirk crossed her face the wheels in her mind racing a hundred miles a minute.

 _"So, you're my competition."_ She thought to herself. _"Well, not for long."_

Chloe pressed the start button and the engine of her beautiful black S550 purred to a start. She could hear the rumble of the old car's engine turn over just as she made her U-turn to head off in the opposite direction. As she got close to the orange car she looked at the unsuspecting woman with the bright red lips.

 _"Hmm…love that color…I'll have to go shopping…I'm sure Derek will love it on me too."_

Penelope was totally oblivious to the redhead who had slowed down next to her as she completed a U-turn. Still focused on Delia's words, Penelope wasn't aware that she was being watched. Either Delia had some sort of psychic ability or she'd been incredibly transparent and her feelings were out front for all to see.

 _"Everyone except him."_ She thought to herself as she put her car in gear and headed off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Home of Chloe Irvin – Saturday Morning**

Life had always been easy for her; spoiled and pampered since birth given everything and anything even before she'd thought to ask for it, Chloe had never been denied anything. She was undeniably gorgeous and was quite aware that men admired her for the care she'd taken of herself. Her assets were tools that she learned to use well so she was taken by surprise when the handsome caramel-complexioned FBI agent had refused her attention. She stared intently at her reflection in the full-length mirror slowly removing her workout clothes sweaty after an hour of toning and cardio; her creamy pale skin was almost translucent under her bright red locks. Confident and satisfied that her physical beauty had been a blessing from not only her family heritage but from hard work on her part. Yes, Chloe was fine china and expensive wine rolled into silk and she knew it and as she took one final look at her nude body she stepped into the shower.

The hot water beat mercilessly against her skin while her mind replayed her first encounter with Derek Morgan. His golden skin and chiseled body up close was more than what she had been told about him. His moody disposition peaked her curiosity and being near enough to inhale him turned her on. She could almost feel his hands on her intermingled with the hot water and soap. But for some reason he'd refused her invitation to be more than just a fleeting erotic thought running through her mind. He'd pay for refusing her and denying her what she wanted and what she needed.

 **Home of Derek Morgan –**

It felt so familiar waking up in Derek's bed…alone. She'd missed the countless Friday nights that had turned into Saturday mornings here buried deep under his heavy bedding. He'd given up his bed and opted for the couch, always and always she'd wished that just once he'd not be so chivalrous.

She missed him terribly. Her dead end relationship with Kevin had been a colossal waste of time. Three years of pretending and settling didn't stop her heart from aching for her best friend. Kevin was the best she thought that she deserved but she had only hurt him in the process and pushed Derek away to a place that seemed foreign to her. He had become distant and angry not at all the man she'd met almost ten years ago that stole her heart with an apologetic look for mistakenly calling her, "Gomez." She had been called worse and even answered to worse but from that moment her life had somehow tilted off-center and no matter how hard she tried or denied it she would never be able to right it again.

He wanted her plain and simple. He knew the worse thing on earth that could happen to her was for her to allow him into her life. Derek Morgan had earned his reputation and he was the first to admit that he was a bed-hopping whore. He never denied it or tried to explain it. He had needs and he felt it his right to have those needs met and sex was just that, sex. Relationships had no place in his life and he knew that no woman worth anything would want to pick up his broken pieces and love him even though some of the broken places could never be fixed.

He loved her. Needed her, period. He'd tried so hard to run from his feelings but Penelope Garcia had caught up with him way before he left the starting line this he knew and like so many things in his life he'd swept that love, that need and that want under the rug. Now things were threatening to come to the surface, the lumps in that rug were tripping him up, causing him to fall and as he thought about her sleeping in his bed without him he could only find comfort in the bruises from those falls. The other women had been mere bandaids the pain was still there because he'd given too much of his soul away in mindless, heartless encounters with women he would never recognize if he saw them again. Besides, he knew that his friend deserved more than he could offer; his life was a jumbled mess of scars and ghosts from the past and the scabs that had grown over his heart were too hard for even her to scrape away.

Morgan was determined to ignore the constant naggings of his dysfunctional heart and dedicate the weekend to catching up on lost time with his Baby Girl. Until recently she'd been tied up with Lynch and he pouted like a little boy at the mention of his name and he'd grown tired of pretending he was happy for her, so he busied himself with other distractions that kept his mind off of her and Lynch. He despised Lynch for no other reason but that he had the woman he wanted and he was the one that she went home to at night.

The afternoon was spent on the beach. Derek loved the beach and feeling the water and sun on his body. Penelope sat behind him rubbing sunscreen on his shoulders and back; taking her time letting her mind wander as she touched his smooth skin. His muscles tight and proof of his hard work of staying in shape. It was so easy being here with him in spite of the fact that they had been so distant the last few months. It was as if nothing or no one had come between them. The last few cases had worn him out physically and emotionally she saw the exhaustion in his eyes. She wanted to take care of him make the demons that visited him in the night go away. She wanted to hold him when he couldn't sleep but insisted that nothing was wrong. She had her own nightmares and demons and he always knew what to say and do for her to chase them all away.

Mindlessly Derek drifted to a place where all of his dreams and desires made sense. There were no voices in his head to tell him that he was not worthy of having what truly made him happy. That same voice told him that what had happened in his life was of his own doing and it was no one else's fault but his own. He closed his eyes as her hands rubbed the lotion on his chest he imagined what it would feel like to have her hands continue their journey down his body. If she only knew what a struggle it was to hide what her touch was doing to him and what he wanted to do to her she'd probably run and hide, and never speak to him again. But a man, a hopeless man could dream because sometimes all he had was his dreams.

Chloe watched hidden under a large sun hat and a scant bright red bikini. She watched the blonde run her hands up and down his body and it pissed her off. She could do so much more to make him feel things that he'd never felt before, things that oddly dressed woman could never do. Chloe felt betrayed by him and it was hard looking at the two. Soon he would be hers and she would make him forget about that woman. They seemed totally oblivious to everything and everyone around them, she thought.

 _"Soon you will look at me the way you look at her."_ She said to herself.

Chloe took another sip of her champagne and imagined the look on the woman's face when she realized that Derek Morgan belonged to her after all. It was time to begin making her dreams come true. No more waiting she had everything set and in place. Tonight everything would change and there was no one that could stop her or tell her, no.


	5. Chapter 5

**Monday Morning**

The weekend had been more than she could have asked for. Reconnecting with her best friend and spending time relaxing and not thinking about work was exactly what Garcia needed. Morgan had seemed almost like his old self…almost. There was still something buried deep under the surface that was not quite right. He had always been an expert at hiding his feelings and restraining his emotions, but she knew him, better than anyone, better than he wanted anyone to know him. Still, it was good to see him relaxed and sharing that incredible smile with her freely. He seemed to enjoy pampering her and catering to all of her whims, like the old Derek; the one that to the casual observer and even to Penelope could convince you that she was more to him than just a friend. She'd learned to push those thoughts out of her mind she wanted it to be true too badly and those thoughts were dangerous. Reality and her daydreams of him did not match up and so, she had forced herself to be content with the little she could have of him.

Derek wasn't ready to go back to work, back to the fight that most times seemed pointless. No matter how many UnSubs they took down, they still kept coming. They were fooling themselves every time they slapped the cuffs around the wrists of another killer, rapist and kidnapper and they were reminded each night when they closed their eyes to sleep that they hadn't won.

It was good to be around Penelope just being in her presence seemed to feed his spirit and rejuvenate his mind. For a little while, he could get lost in her never-ending optimism that the world could really be a good, loving and safe place. But, he knew better; he'd seen too much, been through too much and he was afraid that his heart was becoming hard and unaffected by the sight of the things that used to make him cringe. He was beginning to feel like a stranger even to himself; walking around like a zombie and going through the motions. The pain that raged through him, his mind and his spirit threatened to consume him and all he wanted to do was run; but from what? Or Whom? No matter where he turned all he saw was himself…every corner and around every bin…just him. Where could he run?

 **BAU Headquarters – Quantico, VA**

Garcia, large venti-sized coffee cup in hand, strolled through the bullpen. JJ was perched on the edge of Reid's desk and the two were talking, or rather Reid was talking non-stop about the amazing Star Trek Marathon he'd watched all weekend long. JJ shot a grateful look at her friend when she approached beaming from ear to ear.

"Hey Garcia, you look awfully happy this morning. Who was the lucky guy?" JJ teased.

"Can't a girl, just come into work, happy to be alive and excited to see her best friends in the whole world."

"No." JJ burst into laughter.

"You do look unusually happy…not that you don't always look happy…in fact, out of all of us you look the most happy most of the time…"

"We get it Spencer!" The two ladies said in unison.

Garcia shot a glance up towards Morgan's office. The light was on.

"Oh, sorry guys… gotta go."

JJ shook her head in dismay as she followed her friend's line of vision.

"JJ? Lunch? One o'clock?"

"Sure, Garcie…. whatever." JJ began. "I swear that woman is a glutton for punishment." She muttered to herself.

Both JJ and Reid watched as Garcia scurried up the flight of stairs.

"Where's she going in such a hurry?"

"Really, Spence?"

Garcia knocked before entering his office. Already his mood had changed from the weekend. She saw the darkness in his eyes when he reluctantly looked up from his file to greet her. Her heart sunk and she realized that whatever he was going through was far bigger than a weekend together could cure.

"Good Morning my moody lump of molten chocolate."

"Hey Baby Girl."

"Wow! Did our amazing weekend really happen or was I just dreaming? I can feel your foul mood from across the room!"

"I'm sorry Baby, this file… Hotch gave it to me to do a consult for the local PD. It's…"

Morgan closed the file leaned back against his chair and closed his eyes momentarily.

"A father of three was shot and killed in front of his wife and kids last night by an unknown assailant. The wife was seven months pregnant with their fourth child. There were signs of sexual assault against the thirteen year-old daughter and police believe the assault took place while the family watched."

"Morgan, that's terrible!"

"Yeah."

Morgan ran his hands across his face and head in frustration struggling to restrain his emotions.

"Garcia, are we wasting our time? No matter what we do, they just keep coming bigger and badder than the case before."

"Derek, this is what you do; it's what we all do."

She slowly approached his desk not sure what she was going to do once she got closer but she wanted to help him to take away whatever it was that had it's grip on him, dragging him into a dark abyss.

He felt her hands on his shoulders and for a moment he felt relief but only for a moment and he moved out of her grasp moving to the couch near the door. He tried to deny the hurt he saw in her eyes; hurt that he had placed there with his rejection of her touch. He had gotten good at causing her pain and he hated himself for it.

"Derek, what's going on with you?"

"I'm fine, Garcia" He said wearily.

"No you're not. I'm worried about you."

"Please, don't waste your time. I'm okay, really."

"Waste my time! Derek, you're my best friend and I'm worried! We just had an amazing few days together, you were relaxed, happy…what happened in less than twelve hours?"

"Garcia I'm just tired of not being able to stay ahead! We're always playing catch up. What difference are we making out there?"

Garcia approached him again and sat next to him.

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl I didn't mean to worry you or hurt you and yes we had a great weekend. Thank you, you're a good friend but I'm fine…or I will be…I'm just tired, that's all."

She leaned over and planted a light kiss on his cheek. She felt hopeful when he smiled at her and grabbed her hand. The two sat in silence for several seconds until both of their cell phones rang with text messages summoning them to the conference room.

They had a new case.

Chloe parked just out of sight and watched as the black SUV pulled out of the FBI parking lot. She wasn't sure what she hoped to accomplish by being there except to perhaps get a glimpse of him coming or going. Her persistence paid off; he was behind the wheel driving while the others occupied the remaining seats. What would it hurt to follow them, she thought to herself, the more she knew about him the better.

The landing strip was about a forty-minute drive and she dared not stop for fear of being seen in the open space. The loud hum of the jet's engine allowed her to speed away without drawing attention to herself.

He noticed the expensive car in his rearview mirror. He'd seen it at least twice before and now he was certain that it was not a coincidence even in an area where expensive cars were common. For a second he thought about mentioning it to Hotch but he wasn't in the mood to get the same response from him that he'd gotten from Garcia when he mentioned seeing it a few nights ago. So, he made a mental note and climbed on the jet.


	6. Chapter 6

Hotch led the briefing as the team gathered on the jet; they needed to be ready to hit the ground running once the plain landed. The case involved the deaths of three young women all students at area colleges. The pictures were gruesome yet none of them flinched at the sight of the dismembered bloodied bodies before them. Even Reid, the youngest seemed unfazed by what he saw. It had become routine and scientific to them all. If there was any horror it was in the fact that it was no longer shocking to any of them.

"Macy Filmore, 19, a student at San Diego Coast College, was found in her dorm four nights ago. Her arms were severed at the shoulders and her legs severed just above the knees."

"Her limbs were found at the second victim's apartment. Rochelle Anderson, 21, a student at Mar Vista Community College." Reid added.

"Her arms and legs were found with our third victim, Nancy Walton, 25, a graduate student at Del Mar University." Morgan began. "What's this guy trying to say?"

"Whatever it is, he's putting in a lot of work and he's not afraid of getting caught." Rossi observed.

"Yeah. He's striking in high traffic areas then he's transporting the limbs to his next crime scene." JJ noted.

"He's somebody who knows his way around colleges and seems as if he belongs." Hotch added.

"We need Garcia to begin searching for anything or anyone that these victims had in common. Also have her check college employees to see if there is any crossover between schools." Rossi noted.

"I'll give her a call." Morgan volunteered.

"We better try to get some rest. It may be all we get until this case is solved." Hotch ordered.

Morgan called Garcia to update her but most of all he called because he needed to hear her voice. He saw the pictures, read the file and now he needed some reassurance that the world hadn't gone completely mad. Even if it wasn't true, she was the only one that could make him believe if only for a little while that there was still hope still good people out there that didn't spend their time killing and maiming. He had to hear it, needed to hear it right now or he'd surely loose his grip on what was real and sane.

She'd heard it in his voice the anger and frustration and the despair. It was just under the deep gravel tone of his voice tucked just so that if you weren't listening or if you didn't truly know him you'd miss it. But she knew him, loved him and there was no way he could hide his heart from her. She prayed for the team but especially for him that they would return home soon and in one piece. That was always her prayer but this time she felt a little more desperate and she hoped God heard her amongst all of the other pleas and requests which were no doubt just as urgent as hers.

Chloe was anxious to see him again. She had no idea when he'd return but she was sure the blonde would know. Everything was ready to receive him and she'd taken great care making sure her home was so perfect that he would never want to leave it or her. She saw how he looked at the other woman in the diner and she had her work cut out for her she was certain of that. There was no way he would be able to resist her especially after she eliminated her competition if it came to that. She was still curious about the odd woman who'd strangely captivated the attention of the handsome agent. It didn't make sense at all; she wasn't the norm in any way shape or form yet, Chloe watched him proudly walk hand-in-hand with her kissing her and staring deeply into her eyes.

Chloe wanted that and she always got what she wanted.

 **Three days later…**

The team had finally made an arrest in the case. Carl Hunter, a middle-aged tenured professor had at one time worked briefly at all of the schools where the victims were students. He'd only been at San Diego Coastal where the latest victim attended for a short time when he'd come under scrutiny for a recent emotional outburst during class.

Garcia was able to uncover some strange things in his past including an incident where he was passed over for a chairmanship because he was not a woman. Del Mar University had folded under pressure to hire a young female candidate to fill the chair in an effort to prove that they were diverse in their hiring practices and that didn't sit well with Hunter. The severing of the limbs and leaving them at the next crime scene was his message that he was superior, stronger and smarter than the women whom he's stalked for weeks before taking their lives. After several hours of interrogation the professor confessed and the team was headed home.

Morgan was frustrated and exhausted as he took the furthest seat in the rear to create a buffer between himself and his teammates. JJ had noticed his sour disposition recently and wanted to say something to him about it but decided against it. She knew the others were concerned as well and it was only a matter of time before Hotch would call him out on it.

 **Quantico, VA –**

Garcia powered down her babies after getting a call from Hotch that the jet had landed and they were all headed home. She wanted to call him to see how he was doing since she hadn't heard from him since the team closed the case. She had no reason to hang around since they'd all decided to go straight to their respective homes instead of coming to the office. Besides, it was near eleven and they were all understandably exhausted. Still, she couldn't help but be disappointed.

 **Mar's Bistro – Midnight**

Morgan took a seat at the bar and nodded as the bartender brought over his usual. He downed it quickly and raised his hand for another. She'd followed him far enough behind for him not to notice…she hoped. He looked preoccupied and in need of company. The last time she'd tried to offer him her time, he'd turned her down. She took a seat at the opposite end of the bar and watched him down his third drink. He was kryptonite to a woman's ego; he didn't even notice that she was in the room. It was evident that he hadn't shaved in a few days but it didn't matter he was still sexy as hell and it only fueled her desire to conquer him.

"We're closing in a few minutes, handsome."

Morgan looked up and into the friendly eyes of Mar the owner. She patted him on the shoulder and took the seat next to him.

"Can I call you a cab?"

"Thanks, but I'll be alright."

"Tough case?"

"Aren't they all?" He grumbled and half-smiled.

"I've got some leftover pastrami if you want I'll have Gary make you sandwich."

"I'm not hungry. Thanks, Mar."

"No problem." She studied the troubled man for a few seconds. "Take care of yourself."

She walked away and he nodded his thanks without looking up then drained the glass. Chloe stood and made her way to his side and sat down without saying a word to him.

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked her.

"How about two cups of coffee?"

Morgan looked over at the woman. She was gorgeous and familiar. He thought about the last time he'd seen her.

"Don't I know you?" He slurred.

"Maybe. You bought me a drink once."

"Yea, now I remember."

The bartender placed two mugs of hot steaming coffee in front of them and walked away to begin cleaning up.

"It's almost closing time can I give you a lift?"

"No. I have my car."

"You don't look like you're in any shape to drive."

Morgan looked at her lustfully he loved how her dress hugged her curves and exposed her cleavage. He'd turned her down once but tonight he wasn't so sure he'd be able to do it again. Maybe a night with this beautiful redhead would be enough to make him forget the past week. Then he leaned in close and inhaled her sweet aroma.

"I'm cutting you off, D." The bartender uttered firmly.

Morgan looked at him irritated at himself more than his friend behind the bar.

"Drink your coffee before it gets cold."

"I think I need to go to the head first."

He stood and felt himself stumble slightly before heading away to the other side of the room toward the men's room.

"I'll be waiting."

She smiled confidently as she watched him.

Chloe rambled through her purse and as she did so surveyed the room to make sure she was not being watched. Quickly, she pulled out a small clear pouch and poured the white powdery substance into his coffee stirring it with her finger. The bartender returned placing the bill on the bar nearly catching her in the act.

Crazy as it seemed even to him, Morgan was hoping that the woman would be gone when he returned but there she sat, still beautiful and still willing to spend the rest of her evening with him. He grabbed his jacket from the back of the stool and pulled a wad of bills from his pocket. After placing several on the bar he felt her hand on his forearm.

"No you don't, Buster…not until you drink your coffee; I don't want to read about you in tomorrow's news."

Impatiently, he took a sip from the cup.

"Satisfied?"

"All of it!"

He chuckled and finished the cup watching the glint of satisfaction in her eyes. Maybe one night wouldn't be so bad, he thought. Besides, that's what everyone expected of him, right?

"How about that ride, beautiful?"

She smiled broadly as she slid gracefully off of the stool.

"This way."

He nodded and followed her out into the cold night air.


	7. Chapter 7

Garcia needed a drink; she needed the feel of a warm body next to her. She couldn't face the possibility of waking up tomorrow alone. That had been a norm that she refused to accept has her fate. It was then that her mind fell on him the one that haunted her dreams and her waking hours. She so wanted not to love him it had done nothing to make her content because he had no clue; in and out of meaningless relationships that never lasted, that's all he wanted and it broke her heart that he didn't even see her as one of his one night stands. So if only for one night Garcia wanted to feel wanted and desired. She wanted to drown the truth in endless views from an empty glass and mindless sex. So, she headed to Mar's, maybe she'd find what she needed there.

Derek stumbled out the door into the cool air; the beautiful woman's arm wrapped around his waste leading to no doubt the completion of an evening that he wouldn't remember in the morning. He didn't care he was just happy that his mind and body was numb and if for just a night the pain would be pushed aside as he lay in this willing stranger's bed.

Penelope pulled her coat close around her body. She never dreamed she'd become _that_ woman in a bar alone drinking until some desperate man saddled up to her and made her an offer that otherwise in her sober mind she would never consider accepting. But here she was ready to give herself away to whoever made her the first offer.

"We're closing beautiful!"

She didn't realize it was so late. She felt her face flush as she stood in the middle of the near empty bar not sure what to do next…or say.

"I didn't realize the time."

"You just missed your buddy. I'm surprised you didn't run into him in the parking lot."

Her head spun around toward the door and back.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he was pretty wasted. Never seen him that bad off before."

"Please tell me he wasn't driving."

"No. Don't worry he had a ride."

The bartender chuckled and proceeded to wipe down the bar. She turned on her heels and rushed out the door back into the cold night air. She noticed an expensive Mercedes at the far end of the lot she'd seen it before. The tall thin woman standing next to the passenger door was also familiar. Garcia walked further out into the lot her eyes fixed on the woman and even in the dimly lit lot she could see she was attractive. She had a confident air about her as she closed the passenger door and proceeded around to the driver's side. Just as she got in she looked up and noticed that she had an audience.

Garcia watched as the woman got into the car and closed the door. As she pulled away she noticed someone in the front seat. His head on the headrest and turned toward the window but even though she couldn't see his face she knew who it was she'd know him anywhere.

She couldn't move she just watched the headlights coming toward her as the car headed toward the street. The redhead made a point of looking at Penelope as she passed her and smiled then sped away out of sight. Her heart shattered for the umpteenth time and she made no point to wipe away the single tear that had slowly begun to run down her face.

The darkness enveloped her pulling her into its mocking arms while the cool breeze kissed her on the cheek. She felt utterly foolish and painfully alone remembering the look on the woman's face. It was her eyes they spoke to her taunting and teasing while she stood teary-eyed knowing that she was powerless to stop her.

 **Next Morning…**

His head was pounding his entire body felt heavy as if it had been nailed in place. He wanted to open his eyes but even that would take considerable strength; strength that he didn't have at the moment. He had no idea where he was and he wasn't sure he wanted to know but his reality would demand his presence shortly so he made another attempt to open his eyes.

He shifted slightly and looked to his left and realized that last night and the gorgeous redhead was not a dream. He hoped it had been but now as the naked woman lay next to him he cursed himself. He hadn't changed he was the same despicable scoundrel refusing to deal with the facts of his life, instead choosing to deny the pain and the unhappiness and the futility of what he had become, running into the bed of woman after woman without any thought of the consequences. Then his mind fell on Penelope; his mind always fell on Penelope this morning was no different. That part of his life hadn't changed either.

He needed to leave quickly before the woman woke and like the others wanted to cuddle and make plans for the day. He wasn't there for that. He'd gotten what he wanted and needed. Besides, he had already forgotten her name. He slowly pulled the covers away from his body surveying the room for his clothes…he didn't see them.

"Good Morning, Handsome."

 _Damn!_ He screamed to himself. This is when things always got awkward.

"What time is it?" He responded gruffly.

The woman oblivious to his foul attitude moved toward him wrapping her long arms around him pulling herself closer and laying her head on his chest. He pushed her away, maybe too aggressively than he liked but he suddenly was repulsed by the closeness of their bodies. He didn't know why.

She noticed his rejection; he saw the hurt and confusion in her eyes; the confidence that shown front and center the night before gone.

"What's wrong lover?"

"Nothing. I've got to go, that's all."

He stood naked on the side of the bed turning looking for his missing clothing. She admired his toned tatted body trying to find something to say that would convince him to stay.

"Last night was amazing and you were the best!" She oozed.

"Yeah. Thanks." He responded distracted. "Where are my clothes?"

"Oh, I put them away. I figured since you were a little out of it, I'd put them away…this time."

He looked at the woman puzzled.

"This time?"

"Yes Lover, because I know you'll be back."

Morgan walked over to the dresser shaking his head at the overconfident woman who he'd never see again. With his back to her he opened the drawer and pulled out his clothes that had been neatly folded. The smell of laundry detergent hit him in the face distracting him from noticing that she had gotten out of the bed and was now standing behind him. Her hands snaking around his waist startled him back to the presence.

"You sure you have to leave she whispered in his ear."

Without thinking he moved out of her reach clothes in hand.

"Yes, I'm sure."

She followed him standing in front of him making circles over his chest then leaning in and planting a soft kiss on his lips.

"There's nothing I like more than a good morning fuck!"

She winked and smiled waiting for his response. He stared down at her. He hadn't seen the desperation in her eyes last night probably because he was dealing with his own desperation. But now he was awake and wanted to get out. He suddenly realized that his car was still parked at Mar's. Was he going to have to screw this woman in order to get a ride he thought to himself.

He kissed her back figuring some kindness on his part was in order; he was stranded after all. Then he stepped away from her again and got dressed.

 **BAU Headquarters – Monday Morning**

She hadn't heard from him all weekend and that wasn't like him to not at least call to check in especially when she was between boyfriends he'd try to get together for movie night, but not this weekend. She didn't want to speculate she knew what it meant. He'd found someone to keep him occupied in this case the redhead who'd helped her drunken best friend into her car. She couldn't get the smirk the woman gave her as she slowed down making sure Penelope got a good luck. She didn't want to see him today. She checked her watch for the tenth time…he was late.

Hotch was well into the morning briefing when Morgan stumbled in looking haggard and disheveled. The others couldn't help noticing his appearance. Hotch frowned as he waited for him to take his seat. Garcia glared at him from across the table which he ignored as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Morgan I need to see you in my office after the briefing." Hotch replied.

Without missing a beat the senior agent proceeded. The others tried not to shoot looks at their teammate but he saw their side looks and heard their smirks. He didn't care what they thought or said. JJ reached under the table and grabbed Garcia's hand and squeezed it. The blonde techie's bottom lip quivered as she desperately tried to control her emotions.

 _"Oh Shit!"_ He said to himself. He was in trouble now and he had no defense or explanation for his behavior lately. Hotch had seen it, the others had too and Garcia, well Garcia she'd tried to call him on it but he didn't want to talk about; he couldn't tell her about it and he definitely wasn't going to discuss the fact that he was drowning with his boss. Then just as Hotch dismissed them, his phone rang it was a text message:

 _"You left something…meet me tonight? I'll make it worth your while."-Chloe._


	8. Chapter 8

Morgan sat in front of his boss' desk looking at the small piece of lint on his dark jeans. He couldn't help but feel like the little boy sitting in the principal's office so many years ago. He felt Hotch's piercing stare boring a hole in his forehead while his foot tapped nervously against the carpeted floor.

"Morgan, what's going on with you?" He began.

"I'm fine, Hotch."

"Morgan, you're not fine."

"Hotch…"

"No Morgan, you look like you haven't slept in weeks, you've been late every day for the past two weeks and your off your game in the field."

"I'm sorry. I'll work it out."

"If you don't want to talk to me then I think you should see someone."

"Come on Hotch, I don't need to talk to anybody!"

"I'm sorry if I made you think you had a choice."

Chloe smiled as she pulled away from the large building. She'd dropped him off over an hour ago but she just couldn't make herself leave so she sat daydreaming about the man who'd shared her bed the night before. She could still smell his cologne on her leather seats…and the alcohol. Chloe was determined if she was anything and confident and she wouldn't rest until he was hers free from any inducements. He was important to her and her plans were already in place to make sure that he stayed with her forever. Smiling and with one more glance across the street to where he worked, she started the engine and pulled into traffic.

Morgan slammed the door to his office and began pacing the floor. He expected the hard glare and the lecture but he didn't expect the suspension. Sure he'd been late, a lot, and his foul mood even irritated him but he still did his job. He hated ultimatums but more than that he hated being pulled out of the field and away from the team…and her. He refused to admit that despite how pissed he was Hotch was right in doing what he'd done. If it had been anyone else he would have pushed his boss to set a troubled teammate down until he or she got help. But it was him, Derek Morgan and it didn't make him happy to have to face himself and admit that he was in deep trouble. So, he grabbed his jacket and his go bag and hastily left the building.

Garcia watched him as he passed her office, so angry and consumed with whatever was haunting him. She didn't want to believe that she was just allowing her feelings to cloud her head; something wasn't right with her best friend. She was upset with him for so many things but she loved him and she wasn't ready to give up on him just yet. Even now as he stepped on the elevator she could hear JJ's voice in her head to let it go and forget about him but she couldn't and even though there was probably nothing she could do…she was still his friend and friends didn't quit on each other.

He knew he should have said something to her before leaving the office but he couldn't. He seemed hell bent on pissing her off and alienating the only person that truly cared about him and always had his back. His pain kept driving him away from his family, his friends, and especially her. He wasn't thinking straight he hadn't been for a long time. He refused to allow the truth to surface and breathe the air of his reality. He wasn't ready to admit there was more to him and them than friendship. It scared the hell out him; he knew what happened to those he loved but Hotch was right he had to talk to someone he only wished it could be Penelope.

It was too early for drinking, too early for prowling the streets for female companionship, so he pulled into his driveway and cut the engine. His mind was far away, too preoccupied to notice her car parked across the street. He climbed out of his truck and went inside. It was odd to be home this time of morning; days off were few and far between. He strolled into the kitchen opened the refrigerator for no reason in particular and saw the lone contents, a six pack of beer…maybe it wasn't too early after all.

She wondered what he was doing, if he was thinking of her, their night of rough angry drunken sex. She had hoped to hear from him by now but nothing. She didn't want to dwell on the fact that he didn't accept her offer of going another round before he left her house and she didn't want to think about the fact that he'd called her by another woman's name as he thrust himself deep inside of her either. It didn't matter, Chloe thought wishfully to herself, she'd convince him that they were meant to be together and she'd teach him not to turn her down again and then she'd make him forget the woman whose name he'd screamed in her ear; she'd make him forget, Penelope.

Chloe smiled as his name appeared across her phone. She knew he would call he couldn't resist her and so with a confident smile she began making plans for their evening. Tonight would be the turning point for the two of them. He didn't love her yet and she was a big girl enough to admit that. He was merely a challenge one that she was up to no doubt. Losing was something she wasn't familiar with time would tell and she had plenty of time.

Morgan had downed two beers before he decided to make flight arrangements for Chicago. He wasn't in the mood to answer his mother's questions but he needed to be home desperately and if that meant putting up with his mother's prying into his life for a little while then it was a small price to pay for a much-needed change of scenery.

Fran was happy to hear from her son; she could tell something was wrong she heard it in his voice and how he evaded her questions. It didn't matter as long as he was on his way home and she could see for herself that he was at least in one piece. She knew to tread lightly with him even though she suspected that his demons were catching up with him he hadn't been himself for a while and it was obvious he was struggling to keep his mask in place; she'd been struggling with her own demons as well. She had never talked to him about the guilt she felt for allowing Carl Buford into his life. The thought of that man's hands on her defenseless boy was still eating her alive. It was her insistence that he go to the community center and so like a lamb to slaughter she'd placed him in the filthy hands of a pedophile.

He wasn't sure why he'd called her back and agreed to see her; it would be the last time he kept telling himself. After all, she had been kind enough to give him a ride back to his car this morning. He knew that should have been the end of it he didn't owe her anything he didn't even like her last night was a blur and all he had to show for it was a raging headache and trouble at work. Garcia was pissed and she barely looked his way when he finally arrived for morning briefing. He'd heard the snickers from his team and the heads shaking as he stumbled in the room.

Just one drink and no more he had an early flight in the morning and that gave him the excuse to call it an early one no sleepovers and no promises for anything past goodnight. The two beers had taken the edge off and he tossed the empty cans in the trash as he headed toward his bedroom to shower and change.

 **Home of Chloe Irvin –**

 _"One drink! One drink, my ass!"_ She thought to herself.

She had much more than one drink in mind. Last night was just the beginning. She worked too hard to get things in place to be satisfied with just one drink. She could still feel his hands on her skin roaming over places that hadn't been touched quite like that before. His amazing toned body was there but his mind was far away but it didn't matter she'd keep that to herself for now. This was their home now and this is where he belonged. She'd chosen him and that sealed it. She'd already made room for his clothes and everything he needed was here. She checked her watch and headed toward the shower.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia**

Penelope had dialed his number for the third time and for the third time it went to voicemail. No matter what was going on between them they always checked in and they always answered each other's calls. She could hear JJ's voice in her head, pleading for her to let him go and move on but she couldn't.

JJ had insisted on coming over to spend the evening since Will and Henry were in New Orleans for the week visiting his family. Secretly she welcomed the distraction even though Penelope had had big plans of spending an intimate evening alone with Ben and Jerry cuddled in front of the television watching chick flicks and then crying herself to sleep. How pathetic and so unlike her, she thought. JJ was right, she needed to go on with her life and forget about him. It made perfect sense, they were friends and nothing more despite the fact that she wanted more. They were friends and had danced around their feelings hiding behind flirting and silly behavior both afraid of taking it further. So what was a woman to do? She wanted someone to love and to be loved in return; clearly he was content with whoring around with any woman willing to invite him back to her place. So, without any further self-indulgent pity, Penelope dragged herself from the couch and headed to the kitchen to check her supplies for tonight's evening.

 **Mar's Bistro**

She watched him as he walked through the door it had been his third night this week which even when they were on stand down was rare. Marsela had grown fond of each of the agents and when they had saved her life seven years ago they became family. So it troubled her to see him like this; after all, he was the strongest of them but now here he was again making his way to the far corner. As he took a seat next to the woman, she promised herself to keep an eye on him and if necessary she'd make a call to one of the others.

The redhead had arrived fifteen minutes before and Marsela had watched her confident stroll to the bar ordering her drink and cleverly picking the furthest darkest corner of the bar. She was bad news and even a man like Derek Morgan who had faced unimaginable evil, was no match for her.


	9. Chapter 9

He felt numb walking into the quiet bar as he took a stool in the middle of the bar and motioned for the bartender. He hadn't taken a sip before Chloe wrapped her arm around his shoulder and leaned in close planting a sweet kiss on his neck.

"Well, hello handsome."

Somehow that nickname sounded better coming from someone else's lips. He turned and gave her a side eye glance and then turned to take a slow sip from his glass.

"How about joining me at my table."

It took him a moment as he half smiled and turned back and downed the rest of his drink.

"Sure, why not?"

He motioned to the bartender for another and followed her to the dark corner of the room. He couldn't help but admire the beautiful woman who definitely knew how to wear a dress gliding in front of him gracefully maneuvering in dangerously high stiletto black pumps. The red bottoms seemed to catch his eye as if they were mocking him warning him of danger up ahead. She slid into the booth and he took the spot next to her. He hated how she snaked her arm in his pulling herself into his personal space.

The bartender brought his fresh drink over and left quickly as Chloe winked at the concerned man who'd she suspected despised her. No matter she was here for one man and one man alone.

"You're looking mighty handsome tonight, Derek."

 _Did she just lick her lips?_ He thought to himself. He made an attempt to shift and make space between them but she merely followed him increasing her grip on his arm.

"Thanks. You are quite gorgeous yourself, Chloe."

"Why thank you."

That was it, he couldn't imagine having anything else to say to this woman, yet he stayed and downed his drink.

"Rough day?"

"I guess you can say that."

"I have just the thing for that."

"And what might that be?" He asked bored.

"A rough night."

She smiled leaned in and nipped his ear. He cringed not caring whether she saw or not.

"Thanks for inviting me out but I've got to make it a short night I've got an early flight in the morning."

"Oh, where are you headed?"

"Home."

Morgan was beginning to feel the effects of the two beers and the two drinks and knew it was time to say his goodbyes. He thought how easy it would be to get involved in yet another doomed relationship with this willing beauty but he just didn't have it in him. He was tired of being…him. Endless partying, nameless and faceless women and one-night stands couldn't be all there was for him. Chloe was beautiful but she wasn't who he wanted, he didn't want to get her hopes up only to let her down in the end. She wasn't anyone he even wanted as a friend, he'd already crossed the line that would make that even possible.

"How about one more for the road."

"I don't think so, I've already got a slight buzz and I'm driving, so…"

"Please…"

He wanted to protest but she silenced him by placing her finger over his lips.

"Look, I guess by now its obvious that I'm feeling you, Derek Morgan and for whatever reason you don't feel the same I get it."

He felt like a scoundrel suddenly as he saw the disappointment in her face. He'd become quite good at disappointing others.

"I'm sorry I've been such an ass to you. It's just I'm dealing with some things right now and I'm not good company…"

"Hey, no need to apologize. I tell you what, why don't you have a cup of coffee before leaving while I finish my glass of wine and then we can go our separate ways."

He looked her up and down wanting so badly to act like he normally would but she didn't deserve that. He saw the hopeful glint that had replaced some of the disappointment and he smiled.

"Okay, one cup and then I really have to go."

Marsela ended her call and placed her phone under the bar. She'd had a bad feeling and she remembered someone years ago telling her to follow her gut and she was glad to know that Rossi was on his way. She'd already ordered Sam not to serve him any more alcohol. She turned to head back to the kitchen as she saw the woman stand and head toward the bar.

"Coffee please."

She checked her reflection in the mirror on the wall in front of her as Sam poured the coffee into a large white mug. She absentmindedly fiddled with the small clear envelope in her hand, she was preoccupied with her plans for the rest of her evening.

 _"One drink! Oh, I have more in mind than one drink! Derek Morgan, you're mine and tonight you'll learn that Chloe always gets what she wants."_

Derek knew he should have left way before agreeing to coffee but he sat while this persistent woman headed toward the bar. He watched her body move, float was more like it. He wished he could remember what it felt like being with her last night but the alcohol had made it impossible to recall what had happened when he landed in her bed. As she returned, he promised he would not be making the same mistake as he did last night.

David Rossi didn't like being disturbed at this hour but he knew if Marsela called then it was a problem that took precedent over his twenty-year old scotch. Besides, they'd had an unwritten agreement that if she saw one of them in trouble, she'd send up smoke signals, SOS, 9-1-1, anything to alert the others to come to the rescue. It was Dave's turn this time and even though he would never admit it to the others, he'd accept any excuse to see Marsela again.

David walked through the door and met Marsela's eye. She met him halfway and pointed to the back corner.

"He's pretty hammered, Dave."

"Thanks for calling, Bella."

He turned to walk away but she grabbed his arm stopping him. He saw the look in her eye that concerned him.

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"That woman, she's bad news!" She whispered. "I told Sam to cut him off if he asked for another drink."

"And did he?"

"No but he seems in even worse shape now then when I called you and he hasn't had anything but coffee."

Dave frowned and kissed the woman on the cheek.

"I'll take care of it. Thanks for the call."

"Dave, is he okay?"

"I'm not sure but don't worry, I won't rest until I find out."

Marsela smiled as Dave walk toward the couple.

"So, is this how you spend your time off?"

"Dave! Please, join us! Let me buy you a drink!" He slurred.

Dave glanced at the woman who was obviously irritated by the intrusion.

"I think you've had enough to drink for the both of us. Let's go, I'm taking you home."

"I'm fine. Meet my new friend… _Caloooee!"_

"My pleasure, Chloe."

A fake smile spread across the woman's face as she reluctantly released her grip on Morgan's arm.

"Derek, honey, I'd be more than happy to take you home."

"I'm sure you would." Dave interrupted. "But this little evening is over. I'll take it from here."

Chloe knew she'd met her match. Then she saw the dark haired woman across the room watching the scene and she knew that she was responsible for the Calvary's arrival. She remembered her mother's words when she was younger, ' _leave like a lady.'_ So, without another word of protest she leaned over and planted a kiss on Morgan's cheek and made a quick retreat from the building.

Morgan leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He felt dizzy and disoriented. Besides the beer at his home, he'd only had two drinks not near enough to make him feel this way. He dreaded having to hear the lecture from Rossi as he heard the older man take a seat next to him.


	10. Chapter 10

"What the hell is going on with you, Derek?"

Rossi watched Morgan's head roll from side to side against the wall. Barely able to open his eyes, he suddenly had a bad feeling. He remembered Marsela's words and he knew his young friend was in worse trouble than any of them realized.

"Rossi relax, have a drink." He slurred.

"No thanks it's a little late."

"So why are you here?"

"I heard from a gorgeous, sexy little birdie that you might need a friend tonight…a _real_ friend."

"Rossi…"

"I'm worried about you, Derek; this isn't like you! You need to get some help!"

This notion seemed to sober him slightly.

"Help?" he chuckled.

"Nobody can help me Rossi! Nobody! Besides, I'm not worth it."

"Worth it? What are you talking about? Talk to me."

"Rossi, listen, I appreciate you coming down here but don't waste your time, man."

Rossi stood and looked down at the younger man he seemed like a stranger to him. He was normally the one that managed to get through the day unscathed but not today, not for a while now.

"Damn!" Chloe muttered to herself as she watched the two men leave. She hadn't planned on any uninvited guest to their private party. But she was nothing if not determined and Derek Morgan was worth the wait and worth any collateral damage along the way.

Chloe stayed hidden in the dark shadows of the parking lot as she watched the two men leave the bar. Such a waste of her little white powder; her love aid as she'd nicknamed it. There was more where that came from and she had no problems using that and anything else that helped her get him back in her bed and her life.

Rossi noticed the expensive car lurking and failing miserably to hide in the dark. He suspected it was the persistent woman from Mar's and as she slowly drove by their eyes met in a cold steely stare. He had a feeling they would meet again.

Penelope hadn't heard from him and she'd fought the temptation to call him. Every time she wanted to reach for the phone she would hear JJ's voice pleading with her to move on; but she couldn't not yet. She turned on the water and poured in the bubble bath and hypnotically watched as the bubbles formed under the running water. She longed for a nice hot soak and a glass of her favorite red wine; tonight she would indulge herself and maybe just maybe she'd be able to forget Derek for a few hours.

 **Home of David Rossi –**

It was a small miracle that he was able to get the semi-conscious man inside and to his downstairs guest room. He shook his head in despair as he watched his friend's body fall limp on the bed. He was asleep seconds after his head hit the pillow. Relieving him of his jacket he noticed a printed copy of a boarding pass. Maybe a trip home would do him some good; being there sure wasn't helping him with whatever he was dealing with. Looking at the early departure Dave frowned as he backed out of the room and quietly closed the door.

Looking at his watch, it was no way in hell Derek would be in any condition to make a 9 a.m. flight to Chicago. It was already 2 a.m. and he'd just put him to bed. He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. His friend would be livid once he found out what he had done but he could handle it.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

Why was it that when you got comfortable under a blanket of white fluffiness, the phone would ring? She thought to herself as she pulled a wet hand out of the warm water. It was 2 a.m. for heaven's sake.

"Dave?"

"Sorry for calling at such an ungodly hour."

"Please don't tell me we have a case…"

"Not in the traditional sense but I guess you could say we have a case."

She pulled herself up the thrill of the warm water gone as cool air hit her upper body.

"What's going on?"

"It's Morgan."

 **Morgan Family Home- Chicago, IL –**

If she wasn't worried about her son before, the phone call from Penelope really had her worried. She couldn't help but notice the tone in his voice when he'd called to say he was coming for a visit. He never talked about his feelings with her; she knew he wanted to spare her the journey into the darkness that was his soul, the nightmares that had become his unrequited lover and his feelings of guilt for all the times he'd remained silent about his childhood abuse. Silence had been both his security blanket and his accuser; now everything that he'd tried so hard to ignore and keep hidden in his life had come to grab him around the neck and was strangling him. She hoped that something or someone would be able to help him break free so that he could breathe again.

She thanked Penelope for calling to inform her that Derek's arrival had been rescheduled until later in the day; somehow she had a feeling that Derek had very little if anything to do with this sudden change. She also knew that his best friend wasn't telling her the full story and maybe that was for the best.

Fran was worried about her only son and she had to admit that this downward spiral was not totally unexpected given recent events, which she was sure he hadn't shared with his friends. Her son didn't do sharing not when it came to his personal life. He'd erected a protective barbed wire fence around his emotions refusing to let anyone close including his family. But on the contrary he insisted that those who he loved let him in. He wanted them to confide in him and show him their heart so that he could protect them and fix the broken parts of their lives and he'd risk his own life to protect them. An impossible task for someone that was so broken like Derek who wouldn't admit his own brokenness. She needed to see him to hold him like she did when he was a little boy during those times when he would actually let her close enough to gobble him up in her arms and whisper in his ear that everything would be okay. Even then somehow she knew her son didn't believe a word she said.

 **Home of David Rossi –**

"Shit!"

Derek jerked his body into a sitting position and immediately regretted his decision as the sharp pain in his head sent him plunging back onto the pillow. Slowly his eyes opened and fell on the bright red neon lights of the clock on the nightstand. Confused his eyes roamed slowly around the room nothing immediately looked familiar then the memory of the previous evening became clear and he tried once again to pull himself to a sitting position.

The door opened and Rossi walked in carrying a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of aspirin in the other. Morgan closed his eyes and leaned his head against the headboard waiting for the lecture.

"If you feel anything like you look, you'll need this."

He sat the glass next to the clock and opened the bottle pouring two white tablets into his hand and then handing them to Derek.

"Thanks."

"How are you feeling?"

"Not good."

"Well, that's a start."

"Why didn't you wake me, Rossi? I had a 9 o'clock flight to Chicago! My mother's going to kill me!"

"Taken care of. "

"What?"

"I had our beautiful and efficient tech goddess to reschedule your flight until later today and she's already called your mom."

Dave handed him the glass of water.

"Drink up. Breakfast will be ready in fifteen minutes."

Dave turned to leave.

"You don't have to do that."

"Suit yourself. I'm starved. You're welcome to join me."

Without another word from either, Dave left the room and closed the door behind him. Derek finished the water and slowly got up and headed to the bathroom.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

Penelope resisted her desire to jump in her car and rush over to Rossi's. Her instinct was to take care of him but it wasn't what he needed. She wasn't what he needed…he hadn't for a while. He seemed content instead to wallow in the pit of darkness that he'd fallen into. He'd been pushing her away and it was breaking her heart. She could see the pain in his eyes; pain too terrible for him to share with her as if he was trying to protect her from it but she didn't want to be protected she wanted to save him like she'd done so many times before. She heard the unasked questions in his mother's voice as she explained that he would be arriving later that evening. Penelope rushed off the phone because she had no answers for his mother; she was still searching for her own answers.

 **Home of David Rossi –**

Morgan followed the smell of bacon, eggs and syrup to the large kitchen. Rossi was already seated and eating and he decided to ignore the sly smirk on the older man's face as he took the seat across from him. There was a feast for at least ten on the table and Morgan dreaded the possibility of others joining them. Still not speaking and pretending to not notice his friend's stares he made a plate.

Dave watched as the younger man inhaled the food. He knew him better than perhaps he wanted to be known. He had always been protective of himself only allowing them in so far and then he'd retreat within himself. They'd all learned to allow him his privacy; it was who he was and they weren't about to try and change him.

The food was amazing and he hadn't eaten much over the last several days, which seemed to intensify the aroma and the flavors of the food. He felt the worried eyes on him.

"What?"

Morgan looked across the table.

"Nothing."

"Nothing my ass." He mumbled.

"I'm just wondering what's got you rattled, my friend."

"I'm fine."

"No you are not fine. You're spiraling…"

"Hey, we promised never to profile each other, remember?"

"It doesn't take a profiler to know you're in big trouble, Derek!"

Derek felt suddenly that his heart would stop beating. Each breath was an effort and he felt tears threatening to force him to give up his macho card. He looked away and then down at his empty plate. He needed to talk to let it out or scream until he was hoarse that he wanted to desperately escape from himself; his very skin was like a prison and he was trapped in the pit of hell.

"James."

"James? Your young friend from home?"

"Yeah. James Barfield." He had to stop for a moment to catch his breath. "He tried to commit suicide."

David didn't know what to say. He saw the guilt and the regret in his eyes.

"Derek, I'm sorry…"

"It's my fault. I did this."

"No way, no, you didn't do this! This was his choice, not yours!"

"I did this. I did this. I did…"

It was all he could say before the dam broke…


	11. Chapter 11

**Chicago – Evening –**

He looked tired and worn; she resisted the urge to run to him and gobble him up in her arms. Allowing him to keep his dignity she waited for him to make it to her on his own. He looked thinner, haunted and she could no longer deny that he was not doing well. She wouldn't let on that Penelope had told her about his suspension she'd wait and let him tell her if he so chose.

A tired smile struggled to spread across his face as he grabbed her in his strong arms. He held onto her for dear life until suddenly he pulled away as if he might be discovered doing something that would prove him weak.

"You look awful son."

"Thanks Ma, just the welcome I was hoping for."

She playfully hit him on the shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and headed toward baggage claim. He knew she would have lots of questions but he had no answers. His mind was on James; with all of his successes, college graduation, the NFL draft and starting training camp soon, Derek wondered what had happened to send him spiraling off the rails. Like he'd managed to do all of these years, he assumed James had found a way to keep the demons and the skeletons of his past tucked away in a dark safe place.

"I've got your room ready for you and all your favorite foods are at the house." Eyeing him up and down. "I see I have my work cut out for me."

"Thanks Ma, but you didn't have to go to any trouble."

"What you call trouble, I call the joy of motherhood. So, humor me okay?"

"Yeah okay."

"Your sisters wanted to come but I told them to give you a couple days before coming over."

He stopped at the passenger side door before opening it for his mother. He looked knowingly down at her.

"You know don't you?"

"Know what, Baby Boy?"

"Come on, Ma you're the worlds worst liar. Penelope told you I was suspended didn't she?"

"Don't be mad at her she's just worried about you; everyone is worried about you Derek."

"I'm not mad I just need some time, you know? I'll be fine once I get a chance to see James."

He opened the door and waited for her to get comfortable before closing the door and walking to the driver's side.

"You know his mother doesn't want you near James."

"I know but I need to see him; to apologize…to say, I'm sorry."

"Son, you can't blame yourself…"

"Ma, don't!" He interrupted. "Don't even try saying this isn't my fault! It's my fault! Just like all the other boys who came after me, there abuse and murders are all on me! I should have said something but I kept quiet to protect myself. You know what that makes me, Ma?"

"Derek, baby."

"It makes me a coward; a selfish coward!"

He pounded his fist on the steering wheel and pulled into traffic and sped away from the curb.

Chloe watched from a distance as she followed them toward the exit. He and the older woman seemed close. She assumed it was his mother, so it would be important to get to know her soon. She felt giddy with excitement as she imagined him introducing her as his wife. It was a little early for that she knew but it didn't hurt to plan. As they drove away she headed to claim her luggage and then to pick up her rental car. It had been a long flight and she was exhausted. A long hot shower and a good meal and bottle of wine were in order for the evening because tomorrow was the start of getting to know the other members of the Morgan family.

 **BAU Headquarters – Quantico, VA. –**

Dave had asked her to do some digging into Chloe Irvin. Knowing that the woman may be involved with Morgan made her feel a little creepy. It wasn't her business who he was sleeping with and even though he hadn't share this latest conquest with her, she felt she needed to protect his privacy. But Dave was worried and knowing the older man, she had to take that to heart. Dave like Morgan had a reputation and both men had done their share to earn them with their long histories with women. Something about this woman had set off warning signals and that was enough to begin her search into the new woman in Derek's life.

It wasn't long before her search ended and she called her friend to share what she'd found.

 **Joe's Café – Chicago, IL – Morning**

Morgan sat in a far booth just passed the last window of the bustling café. Joe's was the place where morning commuters got their early jolt of caffeine as they headed downtown to begin their workday. He watched the petite brown-skinned woman enter and he could tell from the distance that she wasn't pleased to be there. Their eyes met and she nodded slightly. After grabbing her order she headed in his direction taking the seat across from him. Now that she was only inches from him he also saw the anger and the old tears that had been shed earlier that morning.

"Thank you for coming." He began.

She removed her jacket and placed it next to her along with her purse and let out a shaky breath.

"I'm not sure why I'm here but I am."

Morgan nodded and took a sip of his coffee. He had no idea where to begin to break the chill between them.

"Listen Ms. Barfield, I know it's not enough but I just want to say how sorry…"

"No, it's not enough! My son tried to kill himself! Do you understand what I'm saying, Agent Morgan?"

He hung his head trying to process the venom that was being spewed in his direction. He had no words to refute anything that she was saying; he deserved her anger so he sat sorrowful watching the tears streaming down her face.

"My son has worked his ass off to get out of the neighborhood! He's graduated from college, he's getting ready to play pro ball…things are finally going his way, but he's a wreck! He can't get out of bed, he takes ten showers a day and…the nightmares…my god!"

"Ms. Barfield, did something happen recently that upset him?"

"Yeah. Yeah it did."

"What? Tell me, please."

"He received a gift and a card congratulating him on his, _accomplishments._ "

"Okay, so…"

"It was from Carl Buford."

"What? Carl was killed over a year ago in prison!"

"Yeah; apparently he'd been following James pretty closely while he was still alive."

"I don't understand; how could James get something from Carl now?"

"The card was written in Carl's handwriting but it was mailed from the outside."

"Son-of-a-bitch!" He murmured under his breath.

"He's been a wreck every since. My son believes that what happened with Carl will haunt him forever. He doesn't want anyone to know about it, that's why he refused to help you on that murder case a while back."

"Yeah he was adamant about keeping it a secret. I had to respect that and left him alone."

"James is supposed to start camp in a month and I'm not sure he'll be able to. All of his hard work will all be for nothing!"

Derek leaned against the wall and ran his hands over his head and neck trying to compose himself before speaking.

"Ms. Barfield, I know you blame me, hell I blame myself and I know I don't have any right to ask this but, please, let me talk to James. I want to help him; I can't let him throw away his chance to make a difference with his life. If he lets this destroy him then Carl Buford wins and I can't let that happen."

The woman looked across the booth for a few seconds contemplating his request.

"Lord knows I've tried everything else. Fine; I convinced James to go for a workout with his trainer he'll be home in about an hour if you want to come by."

Chloe took great care to not let the pair see her as she watched them leave the café together both looking as if they were carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. She was curious about the woman and continued to watch them as she gathered her things and headed to the door. Definitely not lovers, she thought as they shook hands and walked in opposite directions.

Chloe pushed the door open and followed the woman down the street rushing to catch up to her.

"Excuse me!"

The woman continued to walk until she reached a small late model car parked a block from the café.

"Excuse me!" She repeated.

The woman turned to face the stranger and looked puzzled into her eyes.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you but was that Derek Morgan you were talking to?"

A fake grin spread across her face as she waited for a reply.

"Uh, yes it was."

"Wow I thought so."

"Are you a friend of his?"

"Yeah, uh, well a little more than friends but…" She giggled.

"Well, I don't mean to be rude but I'm running late for work."

"Yes, I'm sorry, please…have a great day."

Without another word, Chloe watched the other woman quickly get into her car and lock the doors. As the car pulled away from the curb, Chloe waved and smiled.

 _"I'm sure we'll meet again."_


	12. Chapter 12

**Barfield Home –**

Derek waited nervously for James to answer the door. He wasn't sure how the young man would react when he saw him; he for sure was not expecting hugs and kisses. For so long James had looked up to Morgan and like many others in the neighborhood, had considered him local hero. Almost immediately after Derek's revelation that he'd been one of Buford's victims James began distancing himself from Morgan. The more attention he received for his football skills the less he wanted to associate with Derek who now had become a reminder of his dark past. The young man had also refused counseling instead preferring to keep to himself and deny that his abuse had happened.

But it had happened; years and years of being the target of Carl Buford's nasty obsession had changed and hardened the once optimistic and cheery boy. Like Derek he'd endured the abuse and the shame that came with it. He believed he was the only one that had been chosen to pay such a price for freedom from his violent and deadly surroundings. James was now the man of his house with is mother and little sister who'd been seriously injured in a drive-by to care for. He carried the weight of their care and his abuse on his shoulders and it had become too heavy.

The door swung open and Derek looked up into the eyes of a troubled angry man. James quickly tried to close the door but Derek's hand blocked his attempt to deny him entry into the small house on the corner. Several seconds that felt like an hour passed before either of them spoke.

"What are you doing here, Derek?"

"I want to talk to you, James."

"Yeah, well I don't want to talk to you!"

"James, please! We need to talk and not I'm leaving until we do!"

After a few more seconds, the younger man stepped aside and Morgan stepped inside.

 **BAU Headquarters –**

On the surface there was nothing alarming about Chloe Irvin. She was just a disgustingly wealthy young woman who hadn't accomplished much accept mastering the art of shopping, traveling and running through men like a race horse at the Kentucky Derby. The latter gave Penelope a sense of relief; if she really were his new conquest she wouldn't be around long. Maybe Rossi had nothing to worry about after all. Still she continued to let her searches run to dig deeper into the woman's life as she stood to join her team for morning briefing.

"We've got a case." Hotch began. "Three women in the past three weeks have been found strangled and their bodies mutilated in Miami, Florida."

"Why are they just now calling us in?"

Rossi looked up from his case file with a frown.

"The victims crossed racial lines and were found in different jurisdictions so it took them a while to realize that they may be dealing with the same unsub."

As usual Garcia shied away from looking at the pictures of the victims. As long as she'd worked there it never got easier to see the gory sight of graphic pictures. She prayed that she'd never get use to it.

"There's a lot of rage here." JJ added.

"This unsub obviously has a thing against women in general; maybe he was rejected by more than one woman and something made him snap? Garcia asked.

"Maybe but it's too early to tell. If he stays true to his pattern he may already have his next victim. Let's catch him before he kills her. Wheels up in thirty."

The team stood and began gathering their files. Hotch turned back to face the group looking directly at Garcia.

"Oh and Garcia, you'll be joining us on this one."

"Me?"

"Yes. You!"

Garcia shifted into high as she moved to the door behind the others. So much for her search on Chloe Irvin that would have to wait.

 **Chicago – Later –**

Morgan couldn't help but notice the dark circles under his young friend's eyes. His mother had told him that he hadn't slept and it was evident. He also noticed that it also seemed as if the young man had aged ten years. He felt his guilt well up in the pit of his stomach as he watched the flood of emotions in the eyes across from him.

"James, you need to talk to someone about this. You can't keep your feelings bottled up inside…"

The strained angry laughter interrupted him catching him off guard.

"Did you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Did you tell, Derek? Let me answer that for you. NO! You didn't because if you did, we wouldn't be here would we?"

"James…I'm…"

James stood and began pacing the floor of the small room then suddenly turned to face Morgan.

"Derek, you kept your mouth shut! Just like I kept my mouth shut! I don't want to talk to anybody! Nobody needs to know what I've done…what I've been through!"

"James, I should have said something and I know that. I'll never forgive myself for what happened to you."

"Derek, that Bastard is dead and he's still touching me! He sent me a damn present from the grave!"

"Listen to me man, Carl Buford was an evil sick son-of-a-bitch! He controlled his victims with fear and shame. I kept my mouth shut because I didn't think anybody would believe me! I was afraid that I'd lose everything I had gained, but James I was wrong!"

James saw the sorrow and remorse in the older man's eyes and for the first time since knowing that his mentor had also been a victim of Buford, he felt empathy for him. He saw the tears that were peaking out from the corners of his eyes and he was now at a loss for words.

Morgan felt claustrophobic and he began to question his presence in James' home. What had he really hoped to gain? After all, he was the cause of the problem at its very root. He had come to plead with him to do something he'd been unable to do himself. Even now he hadn't fully dealt with his own molestation. He'd gone through the motions and sat through sessions with the bureau shrink saying all the right answers to questions he and his team had designed. Again, he had been a coward and realized that he was a fake and he was sitting here as if his presence would save James' life. It was all a lie; he himself was drowning and living a lie and needed his own lifesaver.

"How do you do it?"

The words tore him from his thoughts of self-loathing.

"Uh…how do I do what?"

"How do you go on living your life knowing that everybody knows what happened? I thought I was doing good I graduated from college I just got drafted to play pro ball and then that damn box came in the mail! So, again, how do you do it?"

Morgan exhaled and momentarily hung his head before answering. He knew now was not the time to be dishonest or to hide behind a pat profiler answer.

"Honestly, I don't know. Every night that man haunts me in my sleep. I live with the guilt of keeping silent and sometimes it's too much. I keep thinking that the more bad guys I catch it will make up for things but…"

James resumed his seat across from Derek and waited for him to begin again.

"It doesn't make up for anything; not a damned thing."

"So what do we do? How do we keep this from destroying us, Derek?"

"I don't know I wish I did. What I do know is that if we give up then that bastard wins and we can't let him win."

"But it hurts! What do you do with the pain?"

There was no answer to the question and they both knew it so they spent the next few minutes in tearful silence hoping their tears would somehow serve as a balm to ease the wounds that for so long they'd both denied existed.


	13. Chapter 13

**Barfield Home – Afternoon**

Morgan and James sat for most of the afternoon talking and shedding tears that should have been shed years ago. James had even gotten the courage to show his friend the box that had come addressed to him from Buford. His hands were sweaty and shaky as he placed it in front of the older man. He wasn't sure why he'd kept it but he had. Morgan slowly sifted through the news articles and pictures of Carl and James at the rec center. As he closely examined the pictures he saw the younger James, the boy; his smile and the sadness in his eyes sat in contradiction to each other.

"You know I can find out who really sent this and why."

James continued to watch Derek's hands rummage through the box. He'd blamed Derek because he needed someone to blame even though deep inside he knew that what had happened to him wasn't Derek's fault. Clearly Derek had been a victim shamed into silence and terrified of the consequences of telling.

"No I just want to forget about it and…"

Derek looked up at his friend.

"And what? James you can't…

"Don't worry. I'm not going to try and kill myself again. I know that was really stupid. I don't want to die."

"I've been on that ledge myself but I didn't have anyone to pull me back because nobody knew."

"What kept you from going over?"

"As much as I hurt and as ashamed as I was. I didn't want Carl to win. There was enough strength to keep me from ending it. He'd already taken enough from me and I wasn't going to let him take my life too."

 **Miami, Florida – Police Station Central Division – Evening –**

The team had been busy chasing a murderer since they'd arrived that morning. They were short handed and feeling Morgan's absence. Garcia had managed to stay busy and welcomed the fact that Hotch had sent them to the hotel officially ending the workday. This case was far from over and in fact, another body had been found since their arrival. Despite the fact that she'd been busy, working through lunch and eating a snack from the vending machine for dinner, her mind still found a way to fill it's empty spaces with thoughts of Morgan. She knew by now he'd been in Chicago a full day and he had not called her; not that she was expecting him to but still it would have been nice to hear from her best friend. Rossi had been worried too and she'd caught him watching her with concern in his eyes as she stayed focused on her computer searches and idle chatter among the others. Hotch's mood was hard to read and he had not mentioned Morgan or the fact that this unsub's M.O. clearly fell into Morgan's specialty of obsessional crimes.

"How's it going, Kitten?"

The fatherly agent gently grabbed her bags as they headed toward the SUV's.

"I haven't heard not even a peep from him today Rossi."

"Give him time. He needs to clear his head of all the cobwebs."

"I'm worried that he might not make it back from this."

"He'll make it back. Morgan is strong and he's stubborn and this is one time that his stubbornness will play to his advantage."

She glanced at Rossi and smiled as she climbed into the passenger seat.

"I hope you're right."

"Trust me. I'm right."

She smiled again as he patted the door and quickly rushed to the other side and climbed behind the wheel. She watched the bright colors of the Miami night whiz past her as the cool air brushed across her skin as the trip to the hotel seemed endless.

Rossi knew how convincing he could be but he wasn't quite sure he believed his own words. Morgan was in a dark place and he kept his past tucked neatly away and then denied that the secrets, guilt and pain ever existed. Now those things that haunted him were demanding his attention and they weren't going away until they got what they wanted from him.

Pulling into the hotel parking lot he realized for the first time today just how tired and hungry he was. His body screamed for a hot shower and a meal but first he had a phone call to make.

 **Morgan Family Home – Chicago, Illinois – Evening –**

Chloe waited patiently across the street from the small home where her Derek grew up. Her mind wandered to how he must have been as a child living there with his mother and sisters. He'd never talked about his family with her. It wasn't surprising their encounters weren't meant for talking and he hadn't been in a talking mood. Still, she had done her research on the man she'd chosen to share her life. She uncovered every detail of his life under the rocks of Chicago's rougher side of town and even his life in Virginia was no mystery to her. It was good to know whom you were dealing with she thought to herself.

It was getting late and for the umpteenth time she checked her watch. Once they were united she hoped he would appreciate all the care she'd put into making their live together a reality. A black two-door sedan pulled into the driveway. She watched him get out and pull a familiar looking box from the back seat. She smiled and shook her head as he let himself in.

 _"Forever the hero, aren't you Derek."_ She whispered. _"No worries, it's only the beginning."_

She was quite proud of herself as she watched him disappear behind the door. She'd heard about young James' suicide attempt and although it caught her by surprise that the young man would react in such an extreme way, it didn't change her mind in the least. She wanted Derek Morgan and she was prepared to do whatever it took to get him and anyone hurt along the way was merely collateral damage.

Chloe Irvin was a determined young woman. She remembered the first time seeing him at Mar's several months ago, hanging on the blonde woman who didn't seem his type at all. There was a closeness about them and she envied their obvious connection. She wanted him and she always got what she wanted. Everything was prepared to welcome him when he returned to Virginia and she was eager to make him happy. She'd learned the hard way that Derek was stubborn but now that she'd seen his family up close and personal; she knew she'd have the means to convince him to spend the rest of his life with her.


	14. Chapter 14

_He was so excited when they pulled up to the cabin; it was all that his young mind had imagined and more. He'd never been outside of his small neighborhood and his family vacations had consisted of pitching a tent in their small backyard and sleeping under the stars and sounds of occasional gunfire._

 _He quickly jumped from the front seat of the car barely waiting for it to come to a complete stop and ran to the front door before turning to wait for the older man to catch up. The man who'd taken the place of his father pulled the keys from his pocket and walked toward him; their smiles both stretched wide across their faces. He couldn't wait to tell his friends about the weekend in Wisconsin at a cabin in the woods._

 _Then he felt hands roaming his body he didn't like the rough adult hands against his skin. He tried to escape but the man's body blocked his retreat from the corner of the small bedroom that they would share together. He felt his small body being lifted from the ground and carried toward the bed as the man's hand pressed against his bottom rubbing and pulling his pants down around his ankles. Fear, confusion and shame held him still in the man's grasp. Suddenly he wanted to go home and he vowed he'd never whisper a word about this weekend...ever!_

The sound of a key turning in the door jerked him from his deep slumber. He tried desperately to fight against the loud rapid pounding in his chest; inhaling and exhaling to appear calm when his mother walked through the door not wanting to alarm her more than he already had. The box he had taken from James was on the table in front of him; if she saw it there would be questions so he moved it behind the couch out of view.

Fran stepped through the door with her arms filled with bags. He moved across the room to grab them from her as she closed the door with her foot.

"Ma, more food? I saw the cabinets and the refrigerator what else could you possibly need?"

"Shush! I just wanted to make sure I had everything for your coming home dinner tonight."

"Please tell me you're not inviting people over tonight! I don't…"

"Baby Boy, I know I said that I told your sisters to give you a few days but I think you need your family right now."

"I just need to be alone right now, Ma."

He followed her into the kitchen and began helping her put away the food; mysteriously, she was able to find room for the extra things and when they finished she began preparing lunch for the two of them.

"The last thing you need right now is to be alone. You need your family around you, loving on you and trust me, you'll thank me later."

He shook his head surrendering to a fight he would not be able to win. So, with a big exhale he took a seat at the small kitchen table and watched as she prepared his favorite chicken salad.

"I went to see James."

She stopped her work and looked into his eyes. There was so much there none of which she could read her son had become a master of hiding his feelings and his troubles from her.

"How did it go?"

"He's hurting, Ma, really hurting."

"Yeah well, he did try to commit suicide, Baby."

"Funny thing is, I think he regrets that. I think it was a wake up call for him."

"I hope you're right."

"So, how are you holding up?"

"Carl Buford sent James a box." He said ignoring her question.

"What? How can that be? Carl is dead!"

"It was sent from an address outside of prison."

"Oh my god! What kind of sick person would do such a thing? What was in it?"

"It was filled with stuff about James; news articles, jerseys and t-shirts from the community center and his high school; stuff like that—things that only meant something to James."

"Is that what sent him over the edge?"

"Yeah. I swear if I find out who did this…"

"Derek! Leave it to the authorities! James needs you to be there for him, not behind bars."

"Ma, this is my fault! If hadn't kept my mouth shut…"

"Derek we've been over this! This isn't your fault!"

"Ma, it is my fault!"

"Then do something to make up for it!"

"What? How do I do that?"

"You get help…for yourself then you get help for James. You can't help him if all you feel is guilt when you see him!"

Fran placed a plate in front of her son and then placed a plate across from him and sat down. She saw the tears begging for freedom in his eyes but he refused them. He didn't cry he despised the notion of crying and she knew the tears would have quite a fight on their hands; a fight most likely they would lose.

She was right he'd never admit it but she was right. He'd cleverly made his way through the bureau's mandatory evaluations and therapy sessions with ease. Nothing had changed; the nightmares and shame were still present alive and well in his head and heart. He needed help or else he'd be the next one on the ledge or with a knife to his wrist willing and ready to end his life.

Chloe had watched the older woman enter the house. It was the same woman who'd picked him up from the airport hours ago. With all the grocery bags that she'd carried inside, Chloe wondered if there was a party planned for later. She felt a slight twinge of hurt; she should be there by his side being introduced to his friends and family. It was hard but she knew she had to be patient. Soon enough they would all know her and love her just like he loved her. She could see the two of them sitting at the table in what must have been the kitchen. He seemed so sad as the woman spoke and it was at that moment that Chloe Irvin knew that he needed her in his life. She could make him happy; she'd take care of him and make him smile again.

She needed to talk to him, now. Just to hear his voice and just for a minute to let him know that she was thinking about him. She wouldn't demand to see him or even let him know she was in town. She just needed to hear his voice in her ear. So, without another moment of hesitation she dug her phone from her purse and dialed his number.

Derek welcomed the interruption but was confused by the ringing of his phone. He wasn't expecting to hear from anyone. With a slight smile he stood to excuse himself from the table.

Fran knew exactly who it was; the only person who could change his disposition in a blink and so she smiled and nodded as he got up and left the room.

Chloe smiled as she watched him stand and move out of sight. Her heart rate sped up as she waited for her call to be answered.

"Baby Girl."

"Hey, I hope I'm not disturbing…"

"No, no, um, of course not."

"I was afraid you might be angry with me since I haven't heard from you."

"Angry with you? Never."

They continued to talk and he could feel the muscles in his body relax at the sound of her voice; after all, she was his best friend and she knew him better than anyone else. Why wouldn't she know exactly when to call?

Chloe cursed as her call was answered by an automated message. Voicemail; he hadn't even bothered to record his own message. Her blood began to boil as she ended her call without leaving a message. She had work to do more than she realized. It was time to go home to get ready for his return. Once he returned to Virginia she would make sure that they would be a couple permanently and whoever tried to get in the way of her plans would pay with their lives!


	15. Chapter 15

She was right and as she watched her three children she knew that this visit home was just what her son needed. He'd never really dealt with the traumas of his childhood; he'd simply hid behind a self-erected wall and a need to protect them and become the man of the house. It made sense now as she thought back that he would go into some sort of law enforcement…the more dangerous and darker the better. Putting his life on the line and being willing to rush into danger was his attempt to make up for crimes only he believed he'd committed.

Her children had been her life especially after her husband's death and she buried herself into their lives to forget about her own loss. She knew about guilt and she knew about the silence that guilt often used to imprison the perpetrators of wrongdoing. She should have known should have insisted on knowing why her son had suddenly withdrawn into himself. She'd unwittingly handed her child over to a predator who did not hesitate in stealing his innocence. Now as she watched his sisters fuss over him, she had to accept that just as he wasn't to blame for what had happened to James and the others; she wasn't to blame for what had happened to Derek. She'd heard it a thousand times from him, from counselors, friends and still it was hard to accept. It sounded good, looked good in the numerous books she'd read yet, the twinge and the sorrow her heart felt when she was alone and fatigue had weakened her defenses convinced her otherwise.

Even as an adult home was still his refuge still a place where he ran when there was nowhere else to go. He was loved here and nothing he could do would steal that from him. Still the memories were here; memories of his father's death and feelings of hopelessness as his lifeless body lay at his feet. There was no time to say last words of goodbye. His world had changed in a blink of an eye. His mother was right when she said he needed to get help before he could help James. He'd managed to keep everything neatly tucked in a place controlled by his shear will. But now things were unraveling and he couldn't for the life of him figure out where the weak spot was. Everyday seemed harder and harder to deny that he was not healed from his past abuse. His scabs were beginning to fester and the scars were bleeding internally. His friends and family had been more than patient with him and he was on the verge of losing everything…even her.

He knew Penelope had feelings for him way beyond friendship. He'd done the guy thing for the last ten years; pretending not to know or notice wanting to believe if the words were not spoken out loud then he was justified in living in denial of the truth. But she loved him it was in her eyes and in the way her voice deepened when she spoke to him and it was how she cared for him without blinking or a second thought. Everyone saw it. They saw that the feelings that his best friend had for him also were mirrored within him for her. He loved Penelope Garcia, period. No manner of reasoning with himself or pretending that it was something else would do. He'd tried to run from it and her; hoping that the other women would make her believe that he was not worth her time and effort. He knew she deserved better someone who wasn't broken and defiled; someone who knew what she needed; knew how to love a woman like her. She was rare, loyal to a fault and she could do much, much better than him. Yet he knew that if she ever truly gave her heart to someone else it would kill him and his biggest crime was never telling her how he felt.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia - Quantico, VA – Morning –**

Even though she missed him terribly she was glad that she'd gotten up the nerve to call him. It was good that he'd gone home to see his family but admittedly, it had left a hole in her heart. The team was out of town on a case that had turned out to be a brutal one. JJ had secretly told her that Hotch let it slip that he needed Morgan on this one; his expertise in obsessional crimes spoke to this case and they were struggling to find a break. Even with that, Hotch would not lift Morgan's suspension. Rossi had asked her to look into the mystery woman in Derek's life but she'd been too busy to go beyond a preliminary search. Nothing had turned up that sent up a red flag but she'd learned over the years not to rest on the preliminary. They all had secrets hidden in dark caverns of their pasts and so she promised herself that she'd continue to look in the woman's.

 **Home of Chloe Irvin –**

Chloe had never known a hard day's work in her life and yet she felt that she'd more than put in her time in preparing for her new life with her new man. He'd proven quite a challenge more than the others but he was worth it and losing was also something she was unfamiliar with. The other men had shown such promise in the beginning but none of them had staying power. Derek was different she knew it saw it in his eyes and she was convinced that at last she'd found the one man that could handle her and give her what she needed.

She'd taken the red eye back from Chicago still slightly irritated that she was unable to speak with him. He had a lot to learn about her and he'd need to learn quickly that she demanded the utmost effort on his part to make her happy. Again, she was confident that he would be up for the task.

As she walked around her large estate she made mental notes of what was still left to do. Minor things like grocery shopping and a new wardrobe for the both of them was all that was left. She'd picked up more of her love aids, as she called them before coming home. The little white powder that had helped her gain his cooperation earlier was tucked in her purse on the ready at any given notice. The element of surprise had given her the advantage and she wanted to keep it that way.

The night she'd first convinced him to join her in a drink had led them both back there to her bed where they'd spent a night of raw rough passion. She'd managed to get the potent magic into his drink just before the bartender noticed and the rest was history. There was no guilt or shame in her tactics she'd long put away such things; now after a long string of disappointing relationships, she was willing to do whatever it took to get what she wanted. She wanted him, maybe because he didn't want her and that in itself offered her the challenge she needed to conquer him to break him of his need for choice and freedom. Her life had taught her to refuse defeat; there was no such thing as fairytales except the ones you created for yourself. Chloe Irvin was nothing if not creative and she had the resources and the money to make any fantasy come true!

 **Chicago, Illinois – 3 Days later –**

It was time to get back to Quantico and to his life there. His visit home was a much-needed time of healing and a moment to selfishly take care of himself. He was glad to have spent time with James both agreeing to get help and to hold each other accountable. The demons that haunted him at night were still hot on his tail but he wasn't going to deny that they scared the hell out of him any longer. So, as he waved goodbye to his family from the back of the cab he headed away ignoring the tears in the three women's eyes.

As he tipped the cabbie his phone rang with a text message. Looking at the name across the screen he shook his head in disbelief. Chloe Irvin was nothing if not persistent. Things were going to be different when he got home and the first thing was to set matters straight with the redheaded beauty who continued to pursue him even against his earlier protests. It was time to be honest with Garcia and make some decisions about the two of them; that was his focus. He wanted to prove to Hotch and his team that he was ready to return to work and he'd already made an appointment with a private shrink to begin his journey to reclaim his life before he lost everything and everyone that meant anything to him.

 _"I miss you! Join me for a drink sometime soon."_

No time like the present he thought as he returned her text. His plane landed at six and he'd meet her for a drink…just one, he thought and nothing more. Pocketing his phone he headed toward the entrance looking forward to sleeping in his own bed and hearing Penelope's voice welcoming him home.


	16. Chapter 16

She was happy that he'd responded to her invitation so soon. Perhaps she'd forgive him for not being available to take her call while he was in Chicago. She put the final touches on her make up and then carefully pulled on the skin-tight black dress that she'd been saving for a special occasion. One more look at her reflection and she was confident that her assets would bring him home with her tonight and if not she had her white powdery love aid as backup. Everything was ready to welcome him home to their new life together. She had the means to provide all a man needed. He was stubborn this she had already learned but she was up to the challenge and she was sure that after a while he would realize that this was home.

Heading toward baggage claim Morgan pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed, one on his speed dial. His visit to Chicago was a necessary beginning towards healing. He'd been able to speak with James and now there was another person he needed to talk to. He'd denied his feelings for her for too long and he'd pretended that he didn't know she had feelings for him. So caught up in his own pain and hiding the fact that his past and his job were slowly killing him, he'd turned away from his best friend. She was his God-given solace and she knew him better than anyone and he'd taken her for granted. He prayed it wasn't too late to tell her how he felt but first he had to handle the business of getting Chloe Irvin out of his life for good.

"Hey Baby Girl, I'm back."

 _"Welcome home, my Sweet!"_

"I missed you. I had a chance to do a lot of thinking when I was gone."

 _"Well good. How are you feeling? The team could really use you on this case."_

"Yeah I know but we both know Hotch isn't going to let me come back until I see the shrink."

 _"Are you okay with that?"_

"I actually am. I mean I have to be if I want to get back to work. Besides, I promised James. We're going to keep each other on track with our therapy."

 _"I'm proud of you Hot Stuff. I know this hasn't been easy."_

He grabbed his bag off of the carousel and headed toward the exit. She was right these last months had been hell. It seemed as if the weight of his past and present had converged and were lying on his chest. Each day seemed harder and harder; he couldn't breathe or think and sleep was a distant memory. He was breaking into a million pieces from the inside out. She had seen it and it had pissed him off that he was no longer able to hide it from her.

"We need to talk."

Her heart skipped a beat his tone was so serious and she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Okay, about what?"

He heard her panic and it made him smile somehow.

"Relax Baby Girl it's nothing bad. It's just we've been needing to talk about a few things and I've been an ass. So, I was wondering if you'd let me make it up to you?"

"There's nothing to make up for. No bad day or week or month…well you know. Nothing can ruin what we have."

She imagined him smiling and so she smiled and for the next few seconds it was silent as they held the phones to their ears.

"I love you; you know that right?"

"I love you too."

She heard him exhale and again she smiled as the butterflies kept up their frantic fluttering in her stomach.

"Come over we can have a movie night and I'll even fix you dinner."

"Ahh…Baby Girl that sounds amazing, you don't know how much I'd love to come over but there's something I need to take care of tonight."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I've been putting something off and I need to take care of it tonight, okay?"

"Okay I understand."

"Thank you Beautiful. How about tomorrow night…my place? You pick the movie I'll take care of the snacks."

"Tomorrow it is, my love."

 **Mar's Bistro – 1 Hour later…**

He watched as she walked in; fine as hell and wearing the bejeezus out of that little black dress. She was gorgeous no doubt but her over confidence seemed to put him off. She was used to getting her way and, no, was a word that she hadn't been used to hearing. He regretted the time they'd spent together and he had to fix things. His life was with Penelope and Penelope alone.

She couldn't help how her body was reacting at the sight of him. He was everything she wanted in a man and they were meant to be. She loved how his eyes roamed her body she wasn't surprised she was used to being noticed by men and he was no different.

"Hello, Derek."

"Chloe. How are you?"

"I'm wonderful now."

Morgan stood and pointed toward the rear of the room.

"Join me at my table?"

"Of course."

She followed him smiling as she admired his body; she loved how he seemed to glide like a cat across the floor. The bartender watched the two of them as they moved to the other side of the room sliding into a secluded booth she was nearly sitting on his lap. He seemed uncomfortable.

The next few minutes were filled with small talk while waiting for their drinks to be served. He wanted to get this over with without a scene. So he began talk.

"Look Chloe the reason I asked you to meet me was…"

"Wow you sound so serious! Please don't tell me you're going off to war and you don't know when you'll be back."

"No, that's not it."

"Well good because I have plans for you, Handsome!"

"Yeah well, about that, I think you're a great person but…"

"Are you breaking up with me?" She interrupted.

"Breaking up? No. We weren't together so, I guess this isn't a breakup."

"Oh, lover, we were definitely together. You showed me a night that I'll never forget and I'm not ready to give you up."

"Chloe please…"

"Relax, I was just kidding. I understand really and it's okay."

This was going better than he had anticipated. He exhaled and drained his glass.

"Whoever she is, is a lucky lady."

"About the other night…"

"Please, we are both consenting adults, right? I knew what I was getting myself into. A guy like you only comes around every ten thousand years."

"I'm really sorry."

"No apologies needed. Just do me a favor."

"Sure."

"Whoever she is, tell her she better take good care of you because if she doesn't I'm coming to get you!"

The two chuckled as she finished her drink. She watched the relief cross his face and she smirked. He didn't know who he was dealing with, not by a long shot. She wasn't finished with him and before the night was over he'd be in her bed.

"How about one for the road and I'll let you go."

"Sure why not?"

"Great." She began as she stood. "You trust me, Derek Morgan?"

"Uh…sure, I guess."

"Good. Let me choose the next drink. I'll be right back."

"Sure, I can do that."

Relieved he watched her head toward the bar. He was hoping for an early evening the flight and the past week was catching up with him. He was surprised that Chloe didn't make a scene.

Chloe smiled as the bartender placed the drinks on the bar. It was a busy night so she didn't have to wait long before he turned his back and walked to the other end of the bar. Quickly she looked around and without being noticed shook the white powder into his drink. It was time to bring home her man and start their life together whether he liked it or not.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

It had been a long day the case that had taken the team out of town and left her swamped with search after search, had begun to wear on her. Derek's phone call had lifted her spirits. He sounded so much better than the last time they'd spoken and she was optimistic that things were going to turn around for him…for them.

He wanted to talk and that made her nervous. She'd loved him for so many years and had dreamed about being more than friends but every time he had begun dating another woman her dreams of having a future with him faded. His trip home to Chicago seemed to have been a turning point for him and obviously it was a time of reflection and now he was back willing to put in the work to get the help that he'd refused for the last twenty years. She was trying to stay positive pushing back the negative voices in her head. She loved him there was no doubt about that but it was obvious that someone else had recently gotten his attention. She couldn't handle watching him starting over with yet another woman. Maybe it was time to move on with her life. She'd turned down a marriage proposal from Kevin and ended a safe relationship with Sam because when things got too serious she panicked. Both men wanted her heart and she couldn't give them what was no longer hers to give. But things between the two best friends had not progressed and she was cemented in the friend zone.

While he was gone she had had time to think too and what she had to admit to herself was that she wanted more than just friendship. It wasn't enough and she knew that she had to make some decisions about her life. Yes, they needed to talk and maybe tomorrow night would change their lives forever.

 **Mar's Bistro –**

"Wow, what was in that drink?"

He was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. He'd only had two drinks well below his normal tolerance level. He chalked it up to being tired as he drained the glass.

"Don't tell me you're a lightweight, Derek!" She chuckled.

She watched his eyes begin to lose their alertness. Her love aid was beginning to take affect. He didn't have a clue what she had done. She needed to get him out of there before the nosey bartender noticed his state and called for backup.

"No that's just it, I'm not a lightweight but whatever was in that drink was strong. I better head out while I can still drive."

"If you say so."

He slid out of the booth and placed several bills on the table. The bartender looked over at the couple and watched as he seemed a little wobbly on his feet.

"Thanks for meeting me, Chloe. It was nice knowing you."

"Sure. Maybe we'll run into each other sometime."

"Yeah, maybe."

She knew he'd never make it to his car the drug was already taking over his ability to navigate the path toward the door. Quickly she looped her arm through his and pulled him close.

"You mind walking me to my car, Handsome? I'm not a fan of the dark."

"Not a problem, Princess." He slurred.

Once outside everything seemed to whirl around him in a big haze. He knew he hadn't had enough to be drunk. He felt her guiding him toward her car and he seemed unable to make sense of anything. Something was wrong but all he could do was follow her toward the car past his SUV. She guided him to the passenger side and leaned his weakening body against the expensive sports car.

"What's going on?"

"It's going to be okay when we get home, you'll see."

"Home? What are you talking about?"

She opened the door and guided him to sit down. Nothing made sense his mind and body felt heavy. He closed his eyes as he heard the engine start up and speed away.

"What did you do, Chloe? What did you put in my drink?

"Just something to help you relax lover. I told you I have plans for you!"

With one hand on the steering wheel she began to run her other hand up and down his thigh. Barely coherent he moaned slightly still trying to fight the effects of the drug.

"I trusted you." He slurred."

"That was your first mistake!"


	17. Chapter 17

It had been a long day and Dave was more than ready to turn in for the evening. Being home after a long case was like being in heaven and as he turned the key to the door of his home all he could think of was a nightcap, a hot shower and the feel of expensive Italian silk sheets against his skin.

Garcia had called informing him that Morgan was back in town. She'd sounded hopeful that he'd taken advantage of the time off. The younger agent was like a son to him and he'd seen the steady decline in his behavior and it worried him. Seeing first hand for himself, the drinking, the destructive behavior and the total disregard for FBI procedure was not like him at all. Knowing that he'd agreed to go to counseling and seek help made him feel good.

He'd fallen into a deep sleep when his phone rang jerking him awake. Praying that this wasn't Hotch summoning him back to the BAU for another case, he answered without looking at the phone's display.

"This better be good." He murmured.

"Rossi?"

He heard the shakiness and the panic in a voice that never panicked; he was wide- awake now.

"Morgan, is that you?"

"Rossi, help me!"

 _He knew the moment he stepped out of Mar's that something was wrong. He could barely stand, his vision was blurry and his mind was fuzzy. Nothing made sense and all he wanted was to get to his car and go home. He wanted to object but he couldn't form the words to let her know that he did not need a ride. Even in his state, he knew she'd done something and now he had no control over his mind or his body._

 _The ride in her expensive car seemed to last forever as he floated in and out of consciousness. He needed to talk to Penelope, his God-given solace she'd know what to do; she'd get him safely home. Then everything went black._

 _His eyes opened he didn't remember how he got in bed her bed and he had no concept of time. His clothes…where were his clothes? He'd been here before and he'd promised himself that he would never return; the first time had been a mistake and he wanted to forget that part of his life even though it was only a few weeks ago. His mind was still foggy and now his head was splitting as if he'd been drinking non-stop the night before._

 _He wanted to go home and as he lay on his back he felt heavy, drowsy and confused. Then he heard her breathing and could feel her breath on his skin as her hand began to roam across his chest. He tried to get up but the weight of her body kept him in place. He needed to leave now._

 _Her hand began to creep beneath the heavy comforter slowly across his lower body. He tried moving again but the drug in his system kept his mind from convincing his limbs to cooperate. Then without invitation or encouragement her hand found its way inside his briefs and he jerked fully awake now. His heart began beating out of control as he was slowly able to regain some use of his arms and legs. His struggle against her touch did not deter her as she fondled him._

 _"NO! Don't touch me!" He slurred._

 _"Come on Baby, relax, you know you want me just as much as I want you."_

 _"Get off of me!"_

 _He pushed her roughly away and began climbing out of bed. With a hurt look on her face now she watched as he turned his back on her standing and rubbing his hands across his face to clear his mind and vision._

 _"I've got to get…"_

 _His legs gave way and he tumbled to the ground landing on his trousers. He could hear her in the background pleading for him to stay. She seemed so far away but he knew she was within inches of him._

 _"You Bitch! What did you do to me?"_

 _"Nothing that you didn't want lover!"_

 _She chuckled and he wanted to choke the life from her body but he was too weak. After a few moments he managed to pull on his pants. Still wobbly he grabbed his t-shirt and staggered to the bedroom door and headed down the hallway. He had no clue if he was going in the right direction but either way he was leaving. He could hear her bare feet against the marble floor coming closer._

 _"Derek, baby don't leave me! I've got everything ready for us! Please stay!"_

 _"You psycho…"_

 _The more he moved around the more his head began to clear and for that he was thankful. Just as he made it to the front door she caught up to him throwing her body against him and wrapping her arms around his waist. He kept walking dragging her desperate body with him._

 _"Get your hands off of me, Chloe!"_

 _Reluctantly, she released her grip on him and stood watching as he opened the door half dressed and eager to leave her presence._

 _"Fine! I don't have to beg any man to stay with me!"_

 _Leaning against the open door he slowly turned his head to face her anger and the residual drug working against him._

 _"No, you just drug them and force them to do what you want! Good bye Chloe!"_

 _He could feel the door slam against his back and could hear her hysterical screams and cursing behind the door. He walked away not sure where he was going or how he was going to get there. The cool early morning air felt good against his skin. He'd walked about a mile before he realized that he still had his shirt in his hand. Without thinking he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and placed a call._

Rossi barely recognized the man sitting on the curb with his back against the old tree. He was glad that he'd found him before one of the neighbors called the police to report a half-dressed drunk loitering around the tree-lined upscale, gated community.

Morgan didn't respond to the large black BMW sedan that had pulled up next to him. Rossi knew immediately that something was wrong. Leaving the engine running he got out of the car and slowly approached his friend.

"Derek, it's me, Dave."

Morgan's eyes slowly found Dave's and stared blankly as he remained still and silent.

"Derek, what happened? What are you doing out here half dressed?"

"I need a ride. Can you give me a ride? I just want to go home."

Dave felt his heart clinch as he slowly helped him to his feet. This was Derek Morgan; unsteady on his feet, disoriented, he carefully helped him into the passenger seat, buckled the seat belt and closed the door. Rushing to his side of the car he got in closed the door and sped away. Morgan stared blankly ahead.

"Start talking!"

"I don't know what happened…"

"Something happened Morgan, look at you! It's four in the fucking morning and you're out wandering around in a neighborhood twenty miles from where you live! Please tell me you weren't drinking! Is this you after a night of drinking?"

"No!"

Morgan began rubbing his hands over his face and head slowly coming to himself.

"Then tell me right now or I swear Derek, I'll drive your ass straight to the hospital and have you admitted on a 72 hour psych hold!"

"Rossi, stop! I'm not drunk! She…that bitch drugged me! I-I- got back from Chicago and as I was leaving the airport she texted me asking to get together."

"Is this the Redhead I rescued you from?"

"Yeah."

"She's trouble, you know that don't you?"

"I know Rossi, please just listen, okay?"

"I'm listening."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking and I know I need to get my shit together; I've been messing up a lot lately. I've been thinking I owe everybody an apology, especially Garcia."

"So you still haven't told me how you ended up out here. Damn Derek these houses are even more expensive than mine!"

"I needed to tell her that I couldn't see her any more. She didn't take it well…started making a scene and then all of a sudden she was cool. She went to the bar and got us another round…I swear Rossi I only had two drinks!"

"Derek, have you looked at yourself? You look like you were on an all night bender."

"That's just it; I got ready to leave the bar and it hit me!"

"What hit you?"

"The drink, the alcohol…I could barely stand up or walk! Everything was fuzzy, she was holding me up and taking me to her car…I felt like I was in this haze…"

"She drugged you!"

"I woke up in her bed Rossi! I don't know what happened…I just want to go home and sleep this off whatever it is!"

"We need to get you to the hospital to see what she gave you…"

"NO! No hospital…take me home!"

"Derek this is a police matter and Hotch; we need to call him and…"

"Hell no! No police, no Hotch! Nobody can know about this! Promise me, Rossi promise me! You don't breathe a word about this to anybody, especially Garcia!"

"Derek I can't make you that promise! That woman is dangerous and she needs to…"

Derek began unbuckling the seat belt and opening the door trying to get out of the moving car. Rossi quickly pulled over and stopped the car.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'll walk!"

"Walk? You can barely stand!"

Morgan closed the door and leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes.

"Listen to me, I don't know what that woman did but you need medical attention. I'll make a deal with you. If you promise to let me take you to get checked out; I won't tell anyone about this."

"It will be between the two of us?"

"Just between the two of us."

Derek still with his eyes closed nodded his head and Dave without any further discussion started the car and continued toward the hospital.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia – Later the same morning –**

She couldn't understand why he'd rejected her. Any man would want her, she thought as she sat in her car. She had to practically hire a bodyguard to keep the men away. She could have any man she wanted; well almost any man. Derek Morgan had proven to be more than a challenge even with the use of her love aid, he had managed to slip from her grasp. There had to be a logical reason that he'd refused her invitation into her life. She regretted not taking full advantage of him while he lay unconscious in her bed. She wanted him awake moaning in her ear while she showed him just how she could make him happy. There had to be someone else that had his attention. She needed to eliminate all other distractions from his life. She was committed to a relationship with him and he belonged to her.

She watched as the blonde voluptuous woman exited the apartment building and climb into the orange late model caddy. She remembered seeing the two of them together in the deli and the beach; they were close and this woman was someone special to him. Surely, this wasn't her competition. Had he chosen this woman over her? It seemed so ridiculous to even think that was the person who had his attention and his feelings.

As the big over-sized car backed out of the driveway, Chloe started her car following close behind.

 _"This isn't over Derek! Not by a long shot. Whatever it takes we will be together even if it means wiping this woman or anyone else off the face of the earth!"_


	18. Chapter 18

**Potomac General Hospital – Morning**

Dave stood next to Derek's bed as the doctor reviewed the lab results. Morgan wasn't sure he wanted to know what Chloe had slipped him as he laid his head against the pillow with his eyes closed still feeling the lingering effects of the drugs.

"Wow, she's either very creative or very determined." The doctor began.

"What is it, Doc?"

Morgan slowly opened his eyes waiting for the doctor's response.

"Well to put it in laymen's terms, she gave you a mixture of a drug very similar to the date rape drug and a hint of another drug that causes paralysis."

"What the hell?" Morgan began.

Rossi looked at his friend as he struggled to sit up.

"You're lucky she didn't do permanent damage. Too much of one or the other could have killed you."

"We need to report this to the police, Morgan!"

"NO! You promised, no police!"

The doctor looked on as the two debated the issue.

"I'd like to keep you until tomorrow for observation just to make sure there's no residual affects."

"I'm fine! I just want to go home."

"What harm would it be to stay and let the doctors monitor you for…?"

"I said, no, Rossi! I can't stay here!"

"We can't force you stay. I'll get your discharge papers ready; but if you have any problems I expect you to come back immediately."

"I'll make sure of it, Doc and thanks."

"No problem. I'll be back in a few minutes."

The two men watched the young woman leave the room. Rossi turned his attention to his stubborn friend. Morgan wasn't in the mood for a lecture.

"Morgan."

"No lectures, Dave."

"I'm worried about you. That woman is dangerous!"

"Well, I've cut ties so she's out of my life end of discussion!"

"If you think she's finished with you then you're not the profiler I thought you were!"

"Chloe is a woman willing to do anything to get what she wants but I think I made myself clear. I don't want to have anything to do with her."

"Morgan, listen to me; this woman drugged you with a drug so powerful that it could have killed you! What's she going to do next?"

"I don't know Rossi! I don't want the police or the team involved I can handle Chloe!"

Rossi knew he wasn't going to win this argument; Morgan was stubborn and bullheaded. It confused him why he didn't want this woman brought to justice it wasn't like him to let criminal activity go unchecked. He resolved to let it go for now. Maybe it was time to talk to Garcia about what she found in the searches he'd asked her to do on the lovely Chloe Irvin.

 **BAU Headquarters, Quantico, VA –**

Garcia stepped off the elevator onto the sixth floor. She was jittery and the butterflies were going wild in her stomach. Her eyes automatically drifted up to his office. She knew he wouldn't be in but it was a habit to crave his presence. Hotch hadn't lifted his suspension and Morgan was still under orders to seek a professional about his recent struggles. She was encouraged by his call the day before and she only hoped he followed through like he'd promised. She hadn't slept much her mind replaying his words about wanting to talk and assuring her it wasn't a bad thing. It played and played in her mind like it was on a loop she didn't want to expect too much, a sure setup for heartbreak, still she felt those old desires welling up within.

With a large coffee from her favorite coffee house in hand she made the trip up the short flight of steps to her lair and began her day. Her office still had signs from their last case; it was a bad one and it had kept her busy which was a good thing considering the last few weeks that had left her depressed and worried about her best friend. His demons had seemed to be winning the battle for his soul and it had taken a toll on their friendship.

She'd come close to walking away from him before he decided to do it to her. Then there was the new woman in his life that he'd failed to mention. She was hopelessly in love with a man she couldn't have and had convinced herself that being his friend was good enough but that had been the biggest lie. Seeing him flirting with the redhead at Mar's made her realize that she couldn't go through it again. After, Jordan, Tamara and Savannah, she was done being his safe place to fall when his love life shattered into pieces. She knew why he didn't see her for whom and what she really was; she didn't fit into the cookie cutter mold like the others he'd dated. Derek Morgan, her best friend and protector, had a "type" and she was so far from that type that it was no mistake that she'd always just be, a friend…nothing more. She spent countless hours, nights, trying to figure out the obvious; she was beautiful too and she in no way lacked confidence and self-esteem but it didn't change her status in his life.

With discharge papers in hand Morgan and Rossi headed toward the ER parking lot. Morgan knew Rossi was pissed at him for leaving the hospital AMA, but he needed to get home. He wanted to talk to Garcia and get things straight with her. He needed to apologize for his behavior towards her over the past weeks and he needed to come clean about his feelings for her. He felt uneasy as if he were running out of time even though it had been ten years that he'd been carrying around these feelings for his best friend. Somehow he felt uneasy and unsure of himself. He didn't expect her to return the feelings all he knew was that he had to let her know and let whatever happened afterwards happen.

"Rossi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bite your head off in there."

Rossi closed his door and pressed the start button to the ignition. He knew there was more going on but he wasn't going to press.

"Don't worry about it. You'll share when you're ready."

"Thanks man."

The two rode the rest of the way to Morgan's house in silence. Just as they pulled into the driveway, Rossi's phone sounded. They both knew what it meant.

"Damn!"

"A new case?"

"Yeah, so much for a little R and R."

"I hear you but I wish I was going with you guys."

"When's your psych eval?"

"I have an appointment tomorrow morning."

"Good."

Morgan opened the door and got out of the car. Just as he was about to lean in and say goodbye, Rossi interrupted him.

"Listen, do what you need to do we need you back on the team."

"I will. Thanks Rossi for everything."

"Don't mention it, kid." He answered. "And Morgan…"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

"I will."

Morgan closed the door and headed toward his front door. He knew they had a case but he wanted, he needed to hear her voice, so he pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed, "1."

"Well hello my Chocolate Adonis!"

That's what he needed the deep, silky sound of her voice in his ear. He waited a second before coming back with his own witty retort to let her know he was back…all the way back.

"How's my beautiful sexy mama doing?"

"She's doing real good now that I've got you in my ear."

"I missed you, Baby Girl, so much. When can I see you?"

"Oh…Mon Cher we just got a case so it's going to be a late night."

"I'll wait. So, where's the case?"

"It's local triple homicide. Baltimore PD thinks they may have a lead they just want our eyes before they proceed."

"Sounds good, mama. I better let you go then."

"Okay, Handsome. Until later, Sugah!"

"Yeah later…hey…"

"Uh huh?"

"I love you, you know that right?"

"I love you too…I'll call you when we're done for the night, okay?"

"I'd like that."

It was quite possible that at that moment they both could feel each other's smiles across their phones. He wondered how he could have gone this long without telling her, without having her as more than his friend. It didn't make sense and as much as he prided himself in being brave he had to admit that when it came to Penelope Garcia, he was the world's biggest coward.

 **BAU Headquarters – Evening –**

Penelope was exhausted happy that Hotch had finally called it an evening for the team. As promised she sent Derek a text letting him know that she was headed home. He responded quickly and he agreed to meet her at her place in an hour; plenty of time for a shower and a change of clothes. The cool night air felt good against her face as she walked through the parking lot toward her car.

He wanted to surprise her. Knowing Penelope she'd want to rush home and shower and get into some comfortable clothes before he got there. He'd promised to bring the snacks and she could pick the movie; he could hardly wait to see her. A moonlight picnic at the park seemed more like it to him. Even though he knew she'd be tired from working all day, he wanted to see her and to hold her in his arms under the stars. So, he threw the snacks into the picnic basket along with a bottle of her favorite wine and headed toward the BAU. If he left now he'd get there just as she was in the lot headed toward Esther.

Chloe watched as the blonde rushed through the lot. She snickered at the clicking sound of her heels against the asphalt.

 _"She'll never be able to out run me."_ She thought to herself.

She couldn't imagine what he saw in this woman; her clothes made no fashion sense or statement, the colors were too bright for any sane person and her hair…good lord! Her mind kept running over the morning's scene with Derek running out on her. Is this why he wouldn't even let her touch him?

She started her engine and let it purr for a moment as she collected her nerve and planned her timing…it had to be just right the element of surprise and look of terror and shock on her rival's face was critical. She took the car out of park and put her foot on the accelerator giving it just enough gas to pullout of the space.

Morgan could see her in the distance he'd know her gorgeous body anywhere. His heart sped up in anticipation of seeing the smile spread across her face at his surprise arrival. He then saw the high beams suddenly flicker on nearly blinding him even from his distance. Her body was illuminated in a bright glow as the car got closer. He wanted to scream but she wouldn't hear him to tell her to look up, turn around…RUN!

Penelope could feel the heat from the bright blinding light that had suddenly caught her off guard. Someone else working over time she thought as she squinted and continued on toward her car. The sound of the engine being gunned loudly startled her catching her attention as she swung around to face the blinding light.

Chloe pressed the pedal harder against the floor and steadied the wheel toward her target. Her adrenaline at full octave now as the woman stood facing her unsure of how to react to the oncoming doom.

Morgan was numb as he drove toward Penelope honking his horn for her now. He saw her turn his way now confused as to what to do. He regretted hitting his horn now seeing that it only made the situation worse.

She wanted to run to move but she couldn't. She felt as if her feet had been nailed to the ground. It was too late anyway…she could hear screeching tires on all sides now. Her mind seemed to shut down as her body suddenly jerked her from the ground and she was now floating…floating…

Derek stopped his car her body lay limp against the pavement outlined in a crimson pool. Her eyes were still open and her lips were moving but no words escaped.

"Penelope! Baby Girl! Stay with me, stay with me!"

He could hear the sound of the car in the background but he kept his focus on her willing her to stay awake. He fumbled for his phone and with a shaky hand dialed, 9-1-1.

He felt the cold barrel of a gun being pressed roughly to the back of his head and he froze as the smell of the familiar perfume lingered in the air.


	19. Chapter 19

"Drop the phone!"

"She needs a doctor! You're insane! Why? Why would you do this?"

"I'm not insane, I'm in love! Now get up!"

"No! I'm not leaving her! She needs help!"

"If you don't drop the phone I'll put a bullet in that bitch's head and end her misery right now!"

"Penelope! Baby wake up! Please Baby!"

His hands were covered in her blood now as he tried to find a way to touch her without hurting her more. His mind was racing and nothing made sense.

 _What had he done…this was his fault…he'd brought another monster into an innocent person's life…again…_

"Leave her! She's not good enough for you any way! You belong with me, now I'm not going to tell you again, Derek! Get up!"

Slowly, covered in blood he rose to his feet tears pouring from his eyes as he backed away from her. He didn't want to leave but it was the only way to save what was left of her life; even then he wasn't sure if she'd survive what had just happened.

"I'm sorry, Baby Girl! I'm so sorry!"

"DEREK! Let's go! NOW!"

She fought against the pull of the darkness as he left her alone on the blood-covered ground. That woman, yelling for him to leave had the gun pressed to his head and then his back as he stood to leave. He was crying; seldom had she'd seen him cry but tears were pouring from his eyes.

 _"Don't leave me, Derek! Where are you going? Why?"_

She tried to say the words out loud but only her lips moved. She wanted to tell him it was okay, she knew he was only trying to save her life. If only he could hear her…then the darkness won the battle and just as the car pulled away with her heart inside she surrendered and closed her eyes.

He sat staring at his hands that were covered in Penelope's blood. This was insanity he'd never leave her not like that. He'd made her a promise in Alaska to protect her for the rest of his life but now when she needed him the most he was speeding away with another woman.

He glanced at the woman behind the wheel her eyes fixed on the road and a wicked grin on her face. She was proud of her accomplishment she wasn't even breathing hard confident that she'd proven her love for him. He didn't want her love or her and he wasn't going to go along with her sick plans. He'd made a promise to his best friend and he had every intention on keeping it. His hands were free she was so sure of herself and her plan; so sure he'd willing go with her she had not bothered to incapacitate him. He looked at her hands tightly gripping the wheel her knuckles straining against the hold as she took the sharp twists and turns of the road. He knew what he had to do because if Penelope died his life was over. No one would forgive him or believe he had not caused her death. She'd never expect it and wouldn't see it coming. He knew about the blind spot coming up around the bend and she'd have to slow down in order to negotiate it safely. It was his chance, perhaps his only chance at freedom.

He could hear the sirens now and for that he was thankful. He closed his eyes for a brief moment then opened them again and without warning reached for the wheel. Chloe's eyes widened and the sick grin quickly transformed into an angry leer but it was too late she'd lost control of the car and missed the turn as the road bent naturally to the right. She screamed for him to stop but the sound of the screeching tires drowned out her voice as the car tumbled down the steep wooded embankment finding its rest fifty feet below.

 **Home of Aaron Hotchner-**

Aaron hated having to call Jessica back to watch Jack but he had no other choice. He was listed as one of Penelope Garcia's emergency contacts and since her first person was unable to be reached, he was next in line. He'd just warmed up leftovers when the call came in sending him into autopilot. He called Dave, then JJ and Reid while waiting for Jessica to come back. He tried Morgan himself but like the hospital, he could not reach him either; Deja vu…all over again. He hadn't spoken to Morgan since suspending him almost two weeks ago but he knew Morgan wouldn't intentionally not answer his phone. Maybe things with him were worse than he knew; he couldn't think of that now he had to get to the hospital.

 **Potomac General Hospital –**

The waiting room was filled with uniformed officers and detectives from the local police department. Rossi, JJ and Reid were already there when Hotch arrived. This was the scene when a federal agent was the victim. As he exchanged glances and nods with his team, Hotch quickly assumed control of the group.

"According to the first responders, it looks like a hit and run and possibly a kidnapping." Rossi began.

"Kidnapping?"

"Morgan's car was found at the scene the driver's side door was open and the engine was still running."

"That's why no one's been able to reach him. Are there any leads?"

"Just that according to the 911 dispatcher, Morgan placed a call for help around 8:35 this evening but the call was interrupted and…"

Rossi was interrupted when a gray-haired man came through the doorway.

"Penelope Garcia?"

"Yes." Hotch approached the doctor followed by the others who formed a circle around the man.

"I'm Dr. Bertrum and I'm in charge of Ms. Garcia's case tonight."

"How is she, Doctor?" JJ asked.

"Well, I'll be honest with you it looked pretty bad when she was brought in but after running some tests, her chances look good; the next 24 hours will tell us more."

They all breathed a sigh of relief. The doctor ran his fingers through his thinning hair before continuing.

"Let me be clear; her injuries are extensive and her condition is serious but she's young and strong and more importantly, her vitals are stable. She has a long road ahead of her but I'm optimistic."

"Can we see her?" Reid asked.

"The nurses are getting her settled I'll have one of them come and get you when they're finished."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"You're welcome. I'm here all night so if you have any questions please don't hesitate to have one of the nurses find me."

A tired smile appeared on his face as he turned to leave. Just as he got to the doorway he turned as if he'd suddenly remembered something.

"Oh I almost forgot."

The group turned to face him again.

"The paramedics said that Ms. Garcia kept repeating a name during her transport here."

"What was it, Doctor?" Hotch asked.

"Derek."

He woke to the smell of gasoline and burning rubber he wasn't sure if he was alive or dead even though the fact that his body was on fire with pain suggested that he had survived the crash. He tried to turn his head but he couldn't even his arms and legs felt as if he'd been stuffed in a sardine can. Still, he could see Chloe as his eyes shifted to his left. She wasn't moving he couldn't hear anything from her as he tried again to move.

 _"Penelope!"_ He whispered.

Barely able to hear his own voice he tried again to move but the pain nearly sent him plunging into the darkness again.

 _"Shit! You really messed up this time, Morgan!"_

It was pitch black looking through the windows and he knew that it would take a miracle for them to be found even during the day. Then he remembered her lying on the ground staring into his eyes unable to speak. He'd never get the sight of her out of his mind. The confusion and questions in her eyes as he left her.

 _"Chloe? Chloe can you hear me? This is your fault! Do you hear me? I swear if you're not dead, I'm going to kill you!"_

Hotch led the others as he followed the nurse to ICU. Even before stepping inside they could here the monitors humming and beeping. Neither of them was prepared to see their friend lying in the bed looking as if she were near death. Her left eye was swollen shut with red and purple bruises down the side of her face where her face had hit the pavement. Then there was the cast that covered her arm from her shoulder to midway her left hand.

"The left side of her body took the brunt of the trauma." The young nurse began.

"She was hit from the right." Reid surmised.

"Exactly. She has two broken ribs on the left and her ankle is broken as well."

"If I get my hands on the person who did this…" Rossi began.

"Derek!" She whispered.

JJ rushed to her friend's side taking her right hand in hers waiting for her to turn to face her.

"Hey Garcie, it's me, JJ. Hotch, Rossi and Spence are here too."

Garcia slowly looked at JJ and then the others. It was obvious that even moving her eyes caused her great pain.

"I'll bring you something for pain, Ms. Garcia." The nurse interrupted.

"Derek." She whispered again. "Help him!"

"Please, try not to upset her! I'm going to go get her meds then I'll have to ask you all to leave for the evening."

"Garcia, did you see who did this?" Reid asked hurriedly.

Garcia looked directly at Rossi before she gathered enough strength to speak again.

"It was, _her_."

Immediately Hotch, JJ and Reid shifted their attention to Rossi; his eyes widened in horror. He told Morgan to be careful! He'd told him to call the police but he wouldn't listen. He should have made him listen but he didn't. So what if Morgan was stubborn, he was the senior agent; he should have called the police and Hotch anyway and dealt with his friend's anger later.

He felt the color drain from his face as he realized that he could have prevented this.

"Dave?"

Hotch looked at the older man with tears welling in his eyes standing speechless as if he'd been hit by a truck.

"Rossi what's wrong?" JJ asked.

"Garcia, are you sure?"

Finally finding his voice he didn't want to believe that the woman who'd drugged Morgan was responsible for this. The guilt began to churn in his stomach like bile and suddenly he needed air.

"I promise you, Bella, we'll find him! On my life, I promise you, I'll bring him home!"

Before any of them could respond, he turned and bolted from the room nearly colliding with the young nurse as she returned to the room.

 **Crash Site –**

His body began to feel numb he knew it was a bad sign but it was better than the pain. It was so cold now and he began to shiver as he again tried to move. He wondered if anyone had noticed that he was missing. Surely, his team would…no, Penelope needed them now. His eyes began to flutter even though he tried desperately to stay awake.

 _"Stay awake, Derek! Penelope needs you! You're such a screw up! No wonder you can't get Penelope to see you for anything else but a friend; nothing but her screwed up friend."_

It was so cold so hard to stay awake and Chloe still hadn't moved; she was dead he knew it but he hoped beyond hope that she'd survived long enough for him to have the pleasure of choking the life from her vile body. But like everything else, that was taken from him too.

 _"Well, well, Derek Morgan! I knew we'd see each other again."_

 _Derek jerked around to face the man with the dark eyes and sinister grin. It couldn't be him, he thought. No way, please it can't be him!_

 _"What's wrong, Derek? Cat got your tongue?"_

 _He hadn't changed that laugh made him sick to his stomach. What had he done to deserve this reunion?_

 _"It's just us know, Derek. I even fixed up the cabin for you. Remember that bed? We had so much fun in that bed, remember?"_

 _"Stop!"_

 _This wasn't happening! He remembered wanting to die after the first visit to the cabin. Now he was back and so was the man who'd stolen his innocence._

 _"Welcome home! Did I ever tell you that you were always my favorite?"_

 _"Carl?"_

 _"Yeah boy, it's me!"_


	20. Chapter 20

"Okay Dave, what's going on? What haven't you told us?"

Hotch crossed his arms boring a hole into his friend with that all too familiar stare. The others waited as well; they'd all gathered in the small waiting room across from the Intensive Care nurses station.

"I got a call from Morgan this morning." He began hesitantly. "He said he needed a ride and so I picked him up and when I did he…"

Rossi paused remembering the promise he'd made to Morgan that he knew he could no longer keep.

"Look I promised Morgan I wouldn't say anything!"

"Garcia's in a hospital bed fighting for her life and Morgan is missing! The time for keeping promises just went out of the window!"

"Yeah I know."

For the next several minutes Rossi explained every detail of his encounters with Morgan and Chloe; the early morning call from Mike, Mar's bartender and the visit to the hospital earlier that morning. He also told them about the search he had Garcia running on the mystery woman.

"Dave how could you not tell us about this?"

Hotch was furious and he made no effort to hide his frustration with his elder agent.

"Dave you can't just keep things from me or the team. Morgan's in trouble; he's been in trouble for months now!"

"Okay, okay guys let's deal with this later! Right now we have to find Morgan!" JJ interrupted.

JJ walked back towards Garcia's room trying to hide her fear and frustration. It seemed as if they were losing two of the strongest members of their family. Morgan was like a big brother and he'd been imploding for months while the rest of them had pretended not to notice. Now he was missing, possibly hurt or dead and they were standing around with their feet nailed to the ground.

"What do we do now?"

Reid's question seemed to break the ice between them bringing them back to the matter at hand.

"We need to find out what Garcia found on those searches." Hotch began. "Then we need to treat this like any other case and focus on finding Chloe Irvin."

JJ rejoined the others and the group headed back to the BAU. The first stop was Garcia's lair. Hotch had called ahead and ordered Kevin Lynch to meet them there. When they arrived he was busy pulling up the information that Garcia had been searching for including her initial search that had found nothing out of the ordinary.

 **Crash Site –**

 _"No, you're not real! You're a-a-"_

 _"A hallucination?" He chuckled. "That would be too easy; you and I, we don't do easy. No Derek, I'm here, I'm here."_ _He chuckled again._

 _"No, I'm not going to listen to you! Get out of my head…get out of my…"_

 _"Derek! Don't listen to him, Derek!"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Don't listen to him! Hang on, you've got to hang on; we promised to go through this together, you've got to hang on."_

 _"James? James, is that you?"_

 _"Yeah it's me."_

 _"How did you?"_

 _"Get here? Derek, always the profiler, just hang on help is coming, help is coming."_

 _"James! James…I'm sorry…"_

He glanced to his left again at Chloe's stiff body and he began to wonder if she'd gotten the better end of this. No doubt she was killed on impact probably didn't feel a thing and here he was trapped in a mangled metal mess that would surely be where he would spend his final moments but not before he suffered immeasurable pain. Maybe this was his punishment for all of his mistakes; his years of silence about what Carl Buford had done. His silence had gifted the evil man with freedom and more years to prey on dozens and dozens of innocent boys. That's why Carl had paid him a visit in his final moments taunting him and laughing in his face. Carl knew that when it was all said and done it didn't matter how many lives Morgan had saved as a cop or a FBI agent. It didn't matter that he'd sacrificed a personal life for his job because in the end the two of them would be reunited and banished to live eternity in hell. He closed his eyes and braced himself for the next wave of excruciating pain; he'd been such a fool so naïve to think that he'd be able to walk away Scot-free. No this was his retribution for the times he could have told, spoken up; instead he kept quiet. Now here he was alone and cold, laying here hidden from any realistic hope of rescue. There was nothing left for him nothing but the picture of her lying broken on the ground. He tried to save her but he was too late. He'd promised to protect her and yet the look in her eyes told him he'd failed to keep that promise.

 **BAU Headquarters –**

Hotch's cell phone rang just as they stepped off of the elevator on to the sixth floor. He was hoping for good news; they all could use some good news.

"What is it, Kevin?"

"It looks like Penelope had started another search before she left for the evening. I think you might want to see this, Sir."

"We just got back meet us in the conference room."

"On my way, Sir."

 ** _Conference Room…_**

"According to our DMV search, Chloe Irvin purchased a brand new 2015 Mercedes S550."

"The lady has expensive taste."

Rossi took a long sip of his coffee remembering the night he first laid eyes on the woman she wasn't the average woman who'd attached herself to Morgan eager to be his bedmate for the night. She was trouble and he knew it even then.

"A car like that should be easy to find." Reid noted.

"Exactly, Agent. In fact, she's pinging right now about five miles from here. I'm sending the coordinates to your tablets now."

"Thanks Kevin, good work."

"Thank you, Sir…uh…Agent Hotchner?"

"What is it, Kevin?"

"How's Penelope?"

"She's hanging in there, Kevin. Now, make sure you send these same coordinates to the local PD, fire, rescue…"

"Already done, Sir."

 **Crash Site –**

The temperature had dropped considerably since he'd been there. His legs and arms were numb now. A fit of coughing overcame him renewing the pain that was already ravaging his body. He was shivering now and secretly wishing for death. The sounds of sirens nearly went unnoticed as he tried again to free himself. The creaking sound of the metal as he tried in vain to move was the only other sound.

The red headed woman sat still and ashen next to him mocking his efforts as even in death she tried to break him and bend him to her will. He wanted her to be alive so that he could kill her again for what she had done. He was tired of evil winning tired of being a victim. He wanted to die but that would be too easy. No he needed to see her again, he needed to see Penelope and apologize for leaving her defenseless on the cold ground. He wanted to explain that he was a coward and that he should have told her a long time ago that he loved her.

"Over here! I found them! Over here!"

He heard the voices; he wasn't going to be fooled again. He'd fallen for it before not this time. He wouldn't play their games again.

"Can you hear me?"

 _"No, no, go away!"_

"Two bodies, one male, one female."

It sounded so real; like someone talking into a radio. He saw dark figures walking around the car and looking into the windows.

"She's dead."

There were two of them. _"Yes, she's dead! That bitch is dead!"_ He thought to himself.

"He's alive! He's alive! Get a stretcher down here! FAST! Hold on Sir, we're going to get you out."

 _"They won't make it, Derek!"_ The familiar chuckle rang in his ears. _"Even if they get you out, you're injuries are too serious and you've lost to much blood!"_

"Shut up! Shut up! I'm not going to die!"

"Sir, Sir, just relax okay, don't move. We're here, you're going to be just fine."

 _"Ahhh…poor Derek! Now who's lying? Look at you; you're too weak to even keep your eyes open! Oh, I can't wait to get my hands on you again. I don't like grown men but for you I'll make an exception."_

"No! No, you sick son-of-a-bitch, I won't let you touch me!"

The wreckage began to rock back and forth and then it shifted and slid further down the hill. The voices were yelling now for him to be still. He could here more voices in the background now.

 _"Just wait Derek, wait until I get my hands on you! I'll make you feel like that little boy again. I'll make you remember the cabin, the lake and the bed."_

"Sir, please! Stop moving, the car is on a ledge and we've got to get you out before it falls over. Please don't move!"

"NO!"

"He's delirious! We've got to get him out now!"

 _"Remember the lake, Derek? Remember how I made you feel? I loved touching you and you know you loved…"_

"No! Please get me out, get me out!"

"We've got him! Hold on, we're going to get you to the hospital, okay?"

 _"It doesn't matter, Derek…it doesn't matter where they take you, I'll be waiting for you! You're mine…my favorite…I'll never let you go!"_

"Sir, can you hear me? Can you tell me your name? Sir? Sir…we're losing him!"


	21. Chapter 21

**Potomac General Hospital – Morning**

Her eyes opened not because she had slept the last eight hours but because the pain in her body was demanding all of her attention. The memory of the night before had haunted her attempts at real rest and so she was exhausted as her eyes slowly allowed the day to enter her being. She assumed she was alone in the room with the team out looking for Morgan but she was surprised to see that indeed she had a visitor.

The older woman at her bedside was a welcomed sight and suddenly her eyes were flooded with tears as the woman gently took her hand in hers. She'd been crying too as she noticed the red rings around her eyes. She'd been like a mother to her for the last several years. She hadn't realized how much she missed her own mother until she met the kind and loving woman now sitting next to her bed. Her pale hand squeezed the slightly wrinkled hand; it was her way of saying thank you and the smile she received in return let Penelope know that she understood.

"Fran."

"Hey, baby. How are you feeling?"

"Terrible. When did you get here? Derek?"

A tear escaped Fran's eyes as she exhaled deeply without breaking her focus on the broken woman in the bed.

"Penelope…"

"NO…don't tell me, don't tell me…he can't be…"

Hotch watched from the window. He didn't envy Fran and he was glad that Dave had insisted on using the jet to go and get her and her daughters. Things had gone terribly wrong since Derek's return from Chicago; worse than any of them had ever imagined. He'd sent the rest of the team to Chloe's home to get a better idea of what her plans had been for Derek. He also needed them not to be there when the doctor gave him the news. Their jobs seemed to have taken so much from them and made them all victims in a twisted sort of way that made evil spill into their private lives stripping them of the peace that they needed to regenerate themselves to continue the fight against the unspeakable depravity they fought every day.

"He's alive that's something, right?"

The voice behind him reminded him of the only thing that really mattered at the moment. Sarah, Derek's oldest sister came into view standing next to him as they both now watched Fran and Garcia.

"Yes, it's something."

"I don't know how much more my mother can take. If she loses Derek…"

"She won't." He interrupted.

"You sound so sure."

He turned slightly to look at the woman whom he'd only seen a few times over the years, offering a slight smile. She seemed surprised she'd heard how rare smiles appeared on the man's face.

"I know your brother. He's a fighter and he loves that woman in there. He'd do anything to protect her."

"Those two." She chuckled.

He chuckled too without saying another word.

"Penelope, Derek is alive."

She could breathe again her heart was beating and blood was surging through her body at the words.

"He's alive?"

"Yes. He's in serious condition but he's alive."

"Thank God!" She whispered.

 **Home of Chloe Irvin –**

Rossi, JJ and Reid carefully walked around the large home in silence mindful of the crime scene investigators working in every room. It was obvious that Chloe had spent a lot of time and money preparing to keep Morgan with her. Each room had bars on the windows and locks on the doors that only unlocked from the outside. The most shocking was a room that was equipped with chains, and shackles bolted to one of the walls and instruments for torture and video cameras mounted on the walls and ceilings.

"This was one sick broad." Rossi uttered.

"I guess this room was his." Reid added.

"What was she planning?" JJ asked.

"She was going to torture him until he agreed to stay and play out her fantasy." Rossi answered.

"I can't imagine what he would have gone through if she'd been able to get him to this house."

Reid picked up what looked like a cattle prod and examined it closely. Then he noticed the cigarettes and matches and syringes and small clear vials lying nearby.

"She was determined that's for sure."

Rossi headed toward the door he'd seen enough.

"Let's get the hell out of here."

 **Potomac General Hospital –**

 _"She won't forgive you. You've gone too far this time. You almost got her killed!"_

 _All he could think to do was run and so he ran…and ran…until he couldn't run anymore. He dropped to his knees in exhaustion breathing so hard his chest hurt._

 _"You can't run from me, Derek, don't you know that by now?"_

 _He hated that face that grin and he wanted to kill him all over again and silence the taunts and the sound of his laughter ringing in his ears! He tried to move but his body wouldn't move. He looked at his hands and they were covered in blood, her blood. He remembered now that he'd left her alone dying on the black asphalt. He deserved to die next to his mortal enemy._

"Agent Morgan! Agent Morgan! Take it easy, you're safe now, you're in the hospital."

"Garcia…I'm sorry! Garcia…"

"Calm down or I'll have to sedate you again, please!"

He didn't want that he couldn't fall back into the place where Carl Buford seemed to rule and held him captive.

"No, please, help…"

"Okay, okay…just calm down…open your eyes, you're going to be just fine."

Slowly he was able to open his eyes and his mind began to clear and make sense of where he was. He locked onto the woman's face above him. Her eyes were kind but stern as she kept her hand on his shoulder holding him still and in place on the bed.

"Where am I? Where's Penel…"

"Take it easy I'll answer all of your questions but you have to remain calm."

He nodded his understanding and relaxed under her hand.

"You were in a car accident. You were hurt pretty bad and…"

"What about my friend?"

"You mean the woman in the car with you? I'm afraid she was dead when the rescuers found you."

"Good!"

"Excuse me?"

"She wasn't my friend. Where's Garcia? Where's Penelope?" He asked angrily.

"Calm down, calm down. She's down the hall and she's going to be fine."

He turned away and closed his eyes fighting the tears back.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"You're welcome." She began. "I need to talk to you about your condition. Are you up to talking for a few minutes?"

He shook his head and turned to face her again.

"First of all, I'm Dr. Gladys Dyson and I'll be your doctor while you're here."

"When can I get out of here, Doc?"

"Well, your injuries are quite extensive. You were pinned under the wreckage for several hours and that caused considerable damage to your body. You have several broken ribs, one punctured a lung and we've inserted a chest tube to help you breathe."

"Damn!"

"You also have a broken collar bone and both of your legs are broken and…"

"There's more?"

"I'm afraid there was an injury to your spine."

"What are you saying, doctor?"

"It's possible that you may never walk again."

He didn't just hear that his life, his career, everything was over. Carl's voice was ringing in his ears again. The wicked sound of his laughter was louder than the doctor and now she sounded like a murmur as she continued to explain his options.

"Get out!"

"Agent Morgan, please! It's important that you don't give up!"

"Get out, please!"

"These next few days are crucial to your recovery. We'll need to get you up and moving around as soon as possible to prevent…"

"I SAID, GET OUT!"

The doctor stepped back and watched him grimacing against the pain, the tears and the news that would change his life forever.

"I'm so sorry. I'll be back later to check on you."

He was able to hold back the flood of emotions until the door closed as the doctor quickly left the room. He felt his body shaking and trembling; he wanted to die anything was better than being useless, paralyzed and unable to work or live without being a burden.

 _"I told you boy, they were too late. No worries, I'll take care of you. I'll make you forget about those bruises and those useless legs. I'll make you feel good. You can't run from me anymore! I can't wait to get my hands and my…_

"NO!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Potomac General Hospital – Morning**

She knew he wouldn't take the news well. She knew her son and the thought of living the rest of his life in a wheelchair would destroy him. But he was also a fighter and he'd do whatever it took to prove the doctors wrong. He'd walk again, yes, her son, the fearless and stubborn man who was so much like his father would walk out of this hospital under his own power and on his own terms.

He wasn't expecting to see his mother when he opened his eyes again but he was grateful that she was there. He was drowsy but even through the medically induced haze he could see the worry in her eyes.

"It's bad, Ma." He whispered.

"I know son, but you can beat this, I know you can!"

"I don't know, Ma. I don't know if I can this time."

She'd never heard such futility in his voice before. He'd been through so much and he been battered too many times to count in the past, but this time she saw something in his eyes and it scared her; it was surrender.

"Don't you dare give up on me, Derek Morgan! I know you, and you are not a quitter!"

"Ma, please, I don't want to talk about this right now, okay?"

"Derek I've been a nurse for over thirty years and I know that the mind plays a big part in a patient's recovery."

"Ma!"

"No, Baby Boy! You don't have time to lie in this bed and wallow. Time is of the essence and you've got to do what the doctors say or you'll never get out of this bed"

"Look at me! I'm hooked up to tubes and wires, I have casts and bandages and…I can't do this right now, Ma. I just want to be alone."

He turned his head away from his mother he couldn't bare letting her down and seeing the surprise and hurt in her eyes. He knew he was a disappointment but he couldn't be the strong son, he needed to feel the pain his body was in and he deserved what had happened. He knew the redheaded woman was trouble yet he brought her into his life and things had ended terribly.

"I saw Penelope."

The news forced his head around to look at his mother. He had so many questions but he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answers.

"How is she?"

"Surprisingly, good. She's pretty banged up and she's going to have some scars for a while and lots of physical therapy but she's a fighter too, Derek."

"I thought she was dead; she was so still on that ground and the blood…"

"Well the doctors thought it was worse than it was but she's a survivor."

"I'll never forgive myself for what happened…for leaving her like that…"

She watched as he fought back tears and she saw the guilt swimming in his eyes. Her heart broke for him as she wondered how much more he could take.

"Penelope doesn't blame you son. She loves you and you love her. I think it's time you both come clean about your feelings for each other."

"It's too late, Ma. After this, after what I caused how could she love me?"

"She needs to hear the whole story, Derek. It's not going to be easy and I'm not going to sit here and sugar coat it for you, son."

There was so much more she wanted and needed to say to him but she held her tongue. There would be time for it all later. This was going to be his biggest battle ever and he looked so weak lying in that bed. She wondered if he'd beat it this time, if he'd even put up a struggle or would he surrender and allow himself to be pulled into the darkness. Only time would tell.

 _"It's bullshit, Derek. Penelope does blame you, she's angry! How could she not blame you for what happened to her? This is your fault! Your fault…your fault!"_

"Ma, I'm tired can you send the nurse in? I need something for pain."

And with that she'd been dismissed. Once again he turned his head away from her and closed his eyes. She knew him and he was done for now. He also knew her and he knew that his mother would not rest until he was out of that bed.

"I need to see him!"

JJ didn't know who was the most stubborn, Garcia or Morgan. The two were the epitome of stubborn, bullheadedness and any other word that drove her and the rest of the team crazy.

"Garcia, listen to me! You are not in any condition to get out of that bed right now!"

"JJ, I want to see Derek! If I know him he's laying in bed brooding and blaming himself for what happened!"

"That's probably true, but you can't get up! Now stop it or I'll personally handcuff you to that bed!"

She saw the blue-eyed stare of determination glaring at her and she reluctantly stopped her attempts to get out of bed. Penelope had learned very early on not to let her friend's petite frame fool her. She could kick ass with the best of them and right now she meant business.

"How is he, JJ?" She asked softly.

"Garcie…"

"Tell me, please."

"It's pretty bad. He has so many injuries, the doctors say that it's a chance that he may not be able to walk again."

"JJ! This is not good! Do you know what will happen if Morgan can't be Morgan?"

"I know Garcia he's already thrown the doctor and his mother out of his room."

"Fran?"

"Yeah, Fran!"

"I've got to see him, JJ! He has to know that I don't blame him! I've been so mad at him lately. I've been feeling sorry for myself because he doesn't want me, he doesn't see me as anything more than a friend."

"Honestly, Garcia you two are…"

"No it's okay. I just want him to be okay and whole again. If all I can be is his friend then I'll take it. He's just got to be okay again."

 **Hospital Cafeteria –**

Fran needed a quiet moment after her visit with her son. She was thankful that the cafeteria was quiet and filled with only the aroma of strong coffee. After paying for her coffee she made her way to a small table in the far corner of the room. This would do for the moment before she went to check on Penelope again. She stared blankly into the dark brew allowing the steam to soothe her. Her motherly instincts wanted to find a way to fix things for her son even though he'd long ago been able to handle his own life. It didn't change her feelings of knowing what was best for him and her daughters. But she knew that realistically she couldn't fix this, not in a million years.

"May I join you?"

She smiled wearily into the eyes of David Rossi. He looked as tired as she felt; she motioned for him to sit. Without another word and without taking his eyes off of her he slid into the chair across from her.

"How are you holding up?"

Shaking her head she didn't know how to answer his question. She wanted to crawl into bed and pretend that none of this was happening but she couldn't not after seeing Derek's broken body and spirits lying helpless in that hospital bed.

"Honestly, I don't know. He's so, so broken, Dave. I don't know how to help him."

"Derek is strong and he's stubborn he's not going to let this beat him."

"I wish I could be so sure."

He gently reached across the table and placed his hands on hers. She didn't flinch or question his gesture in anyway. It seemed so natural for him to reach out to her like this.

"I'll be sure for the both of us."

She nodded her head yes in acceptance of his offer. He smiled that smile that she had grown to love over that last several months. He'd already proven to be a man of his word and she was glad now that she'd finally let him into her life. No one knew and they'd agreed that no one needed to know where he spent his weekends when he wasn't on a case. They'd enjoyed their secret time together but now as she returned his smile she wondered if it had been wise to keep their relationship a secret. She needed more now and he had been pleading for weeks now to let their friends and family in on what was going on with them. With all that was going on she wondered what her son would think about what had been happening in her life recently.

Dave wondered why he would let her convince him to keep their relationship a secret for so long. He loved her and he wasn't ashamed or afraid of what anyone thought including Derek. But he knew the answer to his own question. He'd do whatever it took to make her happy even if it meant keeping them a secret. He could see the sorrow and worry in her eyes and she needed him. He wanted to be able to hold her in public as well as in private. Now was not the time for secrets and soon they would have to come clean.


	23. Chapter 23

**Potomac General Hospital – Morning -**

He just wanted peace and to be left alone but his friends and family had made it their mission to let him know that he wasn't alone and he wasn't going to be allowed any time to wallow; but that was exactly what he wanted, to wallow and sink deeper into a black hole of depression. Carl had stepped up his visits and he was exhausted from trying to block out the noise of the man who'd stolen his childhood as well as the other demons that hosted his nightmares.

This was day three of his stay in the hospital and still there had been no significant movement in his legs. The doctors had already begun treatments to electrically stimulate the nerves in his spine and legs but with minimal results. He'd managed to avoid any visits from Penelope who had been ordered to stay in bed and recover. Unlike him she'd been the model patient following doctors orders and going above and beyond what was asked of her during her physical therapy sessions.

Despite his wishes, Fran, Sarah and Desiree had alternated spending the night in his room. They'd witnessed first hand the effects that the nightmares had on him. He'd managed to spare them all of that until now. Penelope had been the only one he'd allowed close enough to know the truth about the nights he'd wake in a cold sweat after a tough gory case. He wanted a moment alone, but no one was hearing him and he'd lost all control of his life. He wanted to escape from it all but this bed had become his jailer and everyone it seemed had access to the keys except him.

"Good morning!"

Derek watched the muscular man walk through the door.

No one was knocking any more either. He'd pay any price at this moment to be able to scream loud enough to get people to listen, to hear him. This stranger was even invading his space apparently someone had given him a set of keys too.

 _"I want to be alone!"_ He screamed out loud in his head.

"Who are you?" He asked dryly.

"I see you're not a morning person."

The man approached the bed setting his clipboard on the tray in front of Derek. Morgan looked up at the man who'd come much to close for his liking.

"I'm Jason Morgan, your physical therapist; and no we are not related."

"Physical Therapist, huh? Well I'm not in the mood so you can leave."

"Well Cuz, your mood is going to change really fast or you, my man are going to be one unhappy camper. I'm here for the next hour and we're going to become either really good friends or brutal enemies."

Jason suddenly did a 180 looking around the room then finding what he was looking for he grabbed the wheel chair sitting in the furthest corner. Morgan watched as the man returned with an annoying grin on his face. If this man thought he was getting in that chair he was sadly mistaken. Then without warning, Jason yanked back the sheets and scooped Morgan in his arms and in a flash set him carefully, almost gracefully in the chair. The pain was excruciating, his breathing was rapid now as he grimaced against it and the anger he felt for this man who'd now taken control over his body.

"SHIT!" Morgan hissed as he adjusted to being in a sitting position.

"It will be easier next time, and the time after that until you'll hardly feel it at all."

"Son-of-a-bitch!"

Morgan groaned against the pain visions of killing Jason was the only thing he had to hold onto now. Jason turned the chair around to face the door then grabbing the clipboard and tucking it under his arm he wheeled the chair out of the room toward the elevators.

 **Home of David Rossi –**

Fran had cooked enough for an army. It was what she did when she was worried. Her son had been the motivation of many sessions like this over the years. She'd planned to take the food to the hospital where everyone had made their home over the past three days; waiting, sleeping taking shifts and surviving on cafeteria food and stale coffee.

She was packing a feast now of roasted turkey sandwiches, homemade pasta salad, baked beans and lemon cake from scratch. She loved Dave's chef kitchen she felt at home here and he'd been a generous host in allowing her to use it freely. She'd started early that morning seasoning and roasting the small turkey she'd purchased the night before. Derek loved her cooking especially the leftovers and she hoped the food would get his mind off of his current situation if only for a little while.

Dave watched her packing the food. The smells permeated the entire mansion and he loved it. He also loved seeing her in his kitchen and even though he hadn't brought it up in conversation he wanted her here permanently. Her presence changed the atmosphere and brought the warmth and the feeling of home the place had been missing. He loved her and he worried that her son's illness would break her if things did not turn out as she'd hoped.

 **Potomac General Hospital – Physical Therapy Unit –**

"Come on, Man! One more! Just one more!"

Jason stood nose to nose with Morgan yelling as if his patient were hard of hearing. He was only asking him to lift his shoulders off of the mat from a prone position. Three days ago it would have been a piece of cake. Now, with his injuries he was asking the near impossible and he knew it but it was day one.

Morgan was drenched with sweat; he never dreamed he'd be unable to do a simple crunch he'd done 100 with ease before but now just lifting his shoulders from the mat sent excruciating pain through his core and left him spent and breathless. He'd done five; it felt more like 500 and still it wasn't good enough for the drill sergeant standing over him. His mind was fuzzy but one thing was crystal clear, he hated Jason Morgan and the first order of business when he was back on his feet was to kill him with his bare hands.

"Good! You're done!"

Jason watched as Morgan collapsed on the map struggling to catch his breath and drenched with sweat. This was just the beginning; he'd seen it before the denial, the resistance but he also saw the fight and determination in his new patient's eyes. It was deep in the recesses of his eyes but it was there and he was sure even Morgan didn't realize it was there. But it was and that was all Jason needed. He wasn't going to let him give up; he was aware of his history and he was aware of the things he'd done for others in fighting crime as a fearless and selfless FBI agent. He'd heard about the non-stop vigil for this man held by his family and friends who had also refused to give up on him. He'd also read his file and knew the odds of him getting back on his feet but Jason thrived on challenges and he wasn't about to give up even if his patient wanted to.

"Your real battle is up here, Derek."

Jason taped his temple as he looked into his pain-filled eyes.

 _"Don't listen to him Derek! Your real battle is with me! As long as you're on your back I'm winning!"_

"Do you hear me, Derek? You've got to fight! You can't give up!"

Morgan closed his eyes riding out the pain and trying to block out the words that were bombarding him. It hurt too much to listen to Jason and especially to Carl.

"Even though we are not related, Morgan's don't give up! Right now you're making us look bad, man."

Morgan felt a chuckle slip from his aching body. He didn't know who was the most surprised. Jason smiled and slowly helped him to a sitting position against the wall and handed him a bottle of water.

"I'm not going to lie to you, Derek you've got a lot of work ahead of you but I know you can do this! There are a lot of people routing for you, especially a beautiful blonde on the fifth floor."

"I don't know about that. She can do a lot better things with her time than worry about me."

"You know I'm working with her too. She's got a broken ankle and man she's a fighter! I've never seen anyone like her before."

"Did she tell you that it's my fault she's here?"

"No she didn't but I can tell you what she did tell me."

"What?"

"She said her motivation is to be able to get better so she can help you."

Morgan was blown away; he was speechless. How could she possibly want to help him after everything that had happened? He felt a tear escape down the side of his face. He'd never cried in front of another man that was also something Morgan's didn't do. But now he couldn't stop the tears any more than he could help himself off the floor.

For the first time in his life he was completely helpless and totally dependent on someone else. He wanted to scream but who would listen or understand? This was his first day of physical therapy and he felt worse now than he had before being wheeled into the room. He wasn't sure if he could do this, it hurt too much and he wasn't sure he wanted to either.

 _"Hey D, if you think you're in pain now, just wait until I get you! This shit right here ain't nothing, boy. I'll make you wish you'd never been born!"_


	24. Chapter 24

He'd never felt so much pain. He thought being trapped in the car that had become more like a sardine can was the most pain he'd experienced until now. Jason had found a way to make him wish he were back pinned in the metal coffin next to Chloe's dead body. There was no way he could turn or lie that made him feel better. The nurse had promised to come in with pain meds and that's what he lived for nothing more.

He saw the door opening and then Penelope being pushed through the door by a male nurse. He wasn't in the mood for her or anyone for that matter. He so wanted to tell her to go but he'd hurt her enough already so he watched as the most amazing sight he'd ever laid his eyes on stopped next to his bed.

"Hello Handsome." She said softly.

"Baby Girl."

She gently placed her hand on his. He wanted to pull away but he needed the contact with her. He saw her bruises the left side of her face was almost completely covered with red road burn scratches and her arm was in a sling. Her left leg was elevated on a brace connected to the chair yet she still had a bright hopeful glow in her eyes. No doubt she had to have endured pain of her own yet, she was here with him. He was supposed to be the brave one but he was just an angry coward.

"I see you met Jason!" She smirked.

He couldn't help but smile back as he leaned into the pillow to ride out a new wave of pain.

"Yeah he's a demon sent by Satan himself."

"You're just mad because he won't take your shit, Derek!"

"I don't know why you like him. He's your therapist too."

"I like him because he's going to get me out of this chair and back into my four inch Kate Spades."

She always saw the bright side, always. He wanted to see something bright but he couldn't and besides, it was one of the last things in his life he could control. So if nothing else, he vowed to be a pitiful jackass for as long as he could.

"How are you feeling, seriously?"

"Derek, I haven't felt this much pain since I was shot. I'm happy to be alive but there are times I just want to…"

She didn't finish her statement. She saw the look of guilt in his eyes as he looked away pulling his hand away from hers.

"I'm so sorry, Garcia. I did this to you, it's my fault."

"Oh, no you don't Derek! I'm not going to let you blame yourself for what that psycho bitch did! Should you have gotten involved with her? Hell no! But she did this, not you!"

"But she wouldn't have had a chance to do it if I had not gotten involved with her."

"Listen to me, I'm not going to pretend I understand why you chose her…"

Her voice was shaky and she wanted to be strong so she inhaled to calm herself before continuing.

"Well, I do know why you chose her…"

"Garcia…"

"No, Derek let me finish."

"You chose her because she's beautiful, drop dead gorgeous and I'm not and…"

"Garcia, please!"

"Derek!"

He closed his mouth and held his hand up in surrender.

"I care about you Derek, you're my best friend but I can't keep watching you make the same mistakes and jumping in bed with woman after woman! You can do so much better!"

He wasn't ready to hear this not from her and not now. He was already feeling like shit and knowing that she would blame him. Hearing the words was worse than feeling the pain of his injuries. It was hard looking into her eyes and knowing he was the cause of her tears.

She hadn't meant to say what she'd said not now. Maybe later, but not when he was flat on his back wondering what his life would be like once he left the hospital. It was selfish of her to kick him when he was down but the words just fell out of her mouth. She'd held her feelings of disappointment for so long, and the hurt of it all was too much and it had become stronger than her.

So, there they were staring at each other in silence; he wanted to erase what had happened. He wished he'd told her how he felt sooner but now she'd assume he was just feeling sorry for her if he spoke his truth out loud.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have dumped that on you…"

"No, it's okay you're right. I needed to hear it. I've made a lot of mistakes, wasted a lot of time and I've made some bad choices."

"Derek, I…"

"I didn't realize that what I was doing affected anyone else. I was selfish and I deserved what happened to me but you, you didn't deserve this."

"This isn't your…"

"I promised to take care of you."

The door opened and the same man who'd brought her in had returned to take her back.

"Okay you two it's time to break this party up. You both need some rest especially after physical therapy."

Morgan turned away staring at the wall as she was wheeled from the room. Still stunned at her words, still guilty and ashamed for bringing his brokenness into her life. He'd failed to keep a promise to her and now she was paying the price of being his friend.

"Derek! Derek, this isn't your fault, do you hear me?"

He didn't answer he didn't respond in any way. He didn't want to hear it. Carl was right, again…Carl was always right. He could hear his cackle in his ears and even when he closed his eyes he could see that wide grin and knowing stare in his mind.

 _"I told you so, D! I told you so! Now you're mine!"_


	25. Chapter 25

He existed in a drug-induced haze for the rest of the day. The following week was more of the same with two-hour sessions with Jason and then morphine to dull the pain afterwards. He refused to see anyone except the doctors and nurses and Jason and that was because he had no choice in the matter. He was angry but he complied trying to find a way to remain miserable because everything else had been taken from him. He saw the dread in the staff's eyes whenever they entered his room. No one wanted to be assigned to the bear in room 432 and he knew it. Still, he secretly longed for the company of his friends and family, especially Penelope whom he was sure was no longer his best friend; he'd done a bang up job, literally in running her away. Therapy was going as well as could be expected but still the doctors were uncertain if he'd walk again. Carl still pestered him in his dreams and in his quiet time, which was most of the time.

Penelope had been discharged two days earlier returning to the hospital for physical therapy every other day. Her heart broke each time she'd enter and then leave without seeing him. Her words still haunted her and she wished she'd been stronger and able to keep her mouth shut. He was certain that she blamed him and because he would not see her she couldn't convince him otherwise. She asked Jason about him and she could hear the truth behind his guarded words and his professional obligation to keep his patient's status confidential. She loved Morgan and she wanted nothing more than to be there by his side but his stubbornness and pride were in over drive. He was afraid afraid of the possibilities of not being able to walk and work again. He was afraid of being dependent on others and being weak. It was destroying him bit by bit and she was helpless to do anything about it.

It had been over a week now that Jason had begun working with Garcia and Morgan; two of the most stubborn people he'd ever met and his two biggest challenges. She wanted desperately to get better even at the risk of over doing it. Her main goal was to be able to nurse her friend back to health. Morgan on the other hand, worked hard but still there was no commitment or fire in his spirit. The workouts were easier for him yet he'd given up, doing just enough to get by not believing that any of it would really matter in the end. Jason was the best at what he did and that was why he'd been assigned the task of getting the two FBI agents back on their feet.

Jason stood outside Morgan's room remembering their first meeting. The anger and terror illuminated his face and he felt for him. He needed to find a way to break through the wall of anger and get him to fight and believe he could get better. He'd never failed in getting a patient back to where they needed to be but for the first time in his career he wasn't sure what the outcome would be for Morgan. One thing he knew for certain was that there were a lot of people who cared about him and who needed him to be whole again. Just before stepping inside he pulled a yellowed worn picture from his wallet. He'd always look at the picture during those times when he felt challenged and doubtful. The face of the man staring back always made him feel better. The man looked so strong and confident posing in his policeman's uniform. He remembered wanting to be a policeman like his father when he was a child. Everything changed after his father was killed trying to stop a robbery. Jason was twelve but he could still remember his mother tearfully sitting him down and telling him that his father had been killed and about how his brother was with him when he'd been shot. Jason had always envied the brother and sisters he'd never met. They had everything that he didn't. They were the ones who called him, daddy and they were the ones who shared Thanksgiving and Christmas with him while he got rushed occasional visits and excuses why he couldn't be with him and his mother all of the time.

He was amazed at the uncanny resemblance between the man in the picture and the man lying in the bed on the other side of the door. Jason always thought he looked like his father until he saw Derek up close. It was hard not to resent the man he was now responsible for helping to walk again. It wasn't his fault that Jason hadn't had a father except in secret; not his fault at all. Still, he couldn't help but feel angry whenever he watched Derek's family, his family, wait patiently in the waiting room in hopes that he'd change his mind and let them come in to see him. So, without further delay he carefully slid the picture back in its hiding place, took a deep breath and entered the room.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

"Fran this was simply delicious! You didn't have to do this!"

"Of course I did! You've got to keep your strength up and right now you're not ready to go grocery shopping and standing over a stove is out of the question. Besides, I don't mind."

The two women sat comfortably at the kitchen table eating lunch. Penelope and Fran had been close ever since meeting in person almost seven years ago. They had big one thing in common, Morgan. Fran like everyone else saw the more that was them; more than colleagues, more than friends even though the two of them refused to admit it or talk about it out loud.

Fran wasn't going to leave Quantico until Derek was better even though he was stubbornly refusing to let any of them see him bedridden or stuck in a wheelchair. So, she spent her time either in the hospital waiting room or at Dave's cooking away for all of them. Today, her focus was Penelope who'd just gotten back from therapy exhausted and sore from her workout.

"So how's your physical therapy going?"

"I hate it and love it all at the same time. The pain is almost unbearable but I know in the end I'll be back on my feet without a cane or a walker and so, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get better, you know?"

"Yeah I know. I just wish my son was as committed."

Fran turned toward the window staring out at nothing in particular fighting to keep from crying. It broke Penelope's heart to see her so upset. She wanted to wring her friend's neck for putting his mother through this.

"He'll snap out of it and before you know it, he'll be fighting like hell to get on his feet."

"What if…"

She couldn't stop the tears now.

"Fran, we both know how stubborn your son is and he's not going to let this beat him!"

"I hope you're right. This is his biggest battle yet and he seems to have given up already."

"He hasn't given up and he won't. We've just got to let him do it his way."

"I hear you." Then turning back to face the younger woman, she continued. "Thank you for being such a good friend to him over the years, Penelope."

"He's been an even better friend to me. I love him and I'll never give up on him."

"You two." She smiled.

"What?"

"I see the love you two have for each other and it's so much more than just friendship."

" I don't understand."

"It's in his voice when he talks about you, which is all of the time. It's the way your face lights up when he's around. It's the fact that you two are so dedicated to each other. You two." She smiled again.

Penelope understood exactly what Fran meant. She realized that she was going to have to admit that she was in love with Derek and she was going to have to tell him sooner rather than later. There was so much to lose if he didn't feel the same about her, but what if he did? She didn't want to talk about this not now and especially not with Derek's mother. So, she changed the subject; she had become very good at that whenever the subject of Derek came up.

"So Fran, when are you going to tell your son that you're dating Rossi?"

The sound of Fran's fork hitting the plate sounded like a sonic boom as she slowly looked up, mouth opened and wide-eyed into the eyes of the woman who she'd hoped would one day be her daughter-in-law.

"H-How did you find out?"

"You're not the only one who notices things, Fran Morgan."


	26. Chapter 26

Reid had been patient all week; they all had. They had wanted to see him and to spend time with him but he refused to see them. Dr. Spencer Reid knew better than any of them, that had the tables been turned and one of them were in his place, Morgan would not allow them to wallow in self-pity. He wouldn't allow them to waste away or give up and in fact, he would probably be the one overseeing their care, especially the physical rehabilitation part. So, that was his reasoning for being in the hospital today. He waved at the others who were standing around in the waiting room spending their lunch hour in the small cramped room. He wasn't accepting, _no_ today and he was willing to take whatever his older friend had to dish out. Today it was Morgan who was going to listen whether he wanted to or not.

He didn't knock; he simply pushed the door open and stepped inside. Judging by the look in his eyes, Morgan was surprised to see him, shocked that his skinny friend had the gall to disobey his command to stay away.

"Reid, I thought I said…" He began.

"I know what you said, Morgan but I'm not about to let you spend another day in this room sulking and feeling sorry for yourself!"

Morgan closed his eyes and turned away as his friend approached the bed. His walls were up and his countenance was ridged and unbending. It didn't matter Reid was here to stay whether he wanted him there or not.

"Please. Leave."

"No Morgan, I'm not leaving. All of us have been here for you everyday that you've been here, waiting, worried, hoping that you'll let us see you and everyday you rudely turn us away! Well, Hotch, Rossi, JJ, are willing once again to spend their lunchtime in the waiting room, but I'm not! Not today, Morgan I'm here in this room today and I'm not leaving!"

He turned and looked with surprise at his determined friend who'd never ever taken such an adversarial stance with him before. He didn't know quite how to respond to him as he stood there watching him.

"I don't feel like talking."

"You don't have to talk you just have to know that you're not alone, okay? Morgan, you're not alone. We love you, all of us and no matter how all this turns out we're going to be here for you! Do you hear me? We're your family and we're not going anywhere."

He thought he'd done a good job killing all emotions but suddenly he felt the anger melting being replaced by sadness and sorrow but most of all fear. He was afraid of feeling afraid and not being strong and no longer being in control. This is what he'd felt all along, the fear of losing control of his life, others making decisions without consulting him or caring what he wanted. He was afraid of not being able to protect the ones he loved or himself. It was too much to bear and if that was to be his life than he wanted to die. He wanted to curse as one lone tear escaped down his face. Instead he nodded that he understood and Reid smiled. The next several minutes were spent in silence.

The commotion of Jason coming through the door with a wheelchair broke the silence of the moment drawing their attention to the over-eager therapist.

"Good afternoon, Gentleman. I see Mr. Grumpy is having visitors today! That's a good sign."

"Don't get too excited, he had no choice in the matter."

Reid and Morgan exchanged glances. Morgan's frown made Reid look away instead watching Jason as he locked the wheels of the chair in place.

"Well, Derek and I are going to have a party of our own for a few hours so…"

"No worries, I'll be here when you get back."

Reid watched as Jason helped Morgan into the wheelchair and he suddenly understood what it was that made Morgan so adamant about being alone. He was completely helpless and totally dependent on others. That was not who Morgan was and it was difficult watching his friend literally being lifted into someone else's arms and carried. It was hard to watch and in that moment his admiration and respect for the man who'd always been invincible like the big brother he'd never had, skyrocketed. He silently vowed to do whatever he could to make sure that he survived this and got his life back.

This was the last thing Morgan wanted and what he feared the most. He saw the pity in his friend's eyes and it made him sick. He didn't want to be pitied he wanted to be left alone. No one understood that and they weren't listening to him. They meant well but there was nothing anyone could do to change what had happened. He craved just ten minutes of solitude with no doctors, no nurses and no therapist. Nobody was listening no matter what he tried to say. Nobody was listening.

 _"I'm listening, Derek and I understand. Don't worry they won't be around long once they realize that you're never getting out of that chair! Ha! But I, yes, I'll be there, always! This time you won't be able to run from me, D! I'm going to make you remember all the things we used to do when you were a kid. Remember the cabin? Remember the supply cabinet at the center and my office? I'm here, D, and I ain't leaving!_

Derek's friend waved as Jason pushed the chair out of the room toward the elevators; this was going to be a tough session by the look on his patient's face. He was losing him and still he had not found a way to break through the wall that he'd built around himself. Jason remembered how his mother always accused him of being stubborn like his father. Derek Morgan was perhaps the most stubborn patient he'd ever had. As he pushed the down arrow he smiled acknowledging that at least they had one thing in common.

Suddenly there was a loud commotion at the nurses' station catching both men's attention. An elderly man dressed only in a thin hospital gown was yelling at the petite nurse at his side and she was obviously having problems controlling him.

"Looks like old man Duncan is at it again."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Alzheimer's but he's here because he fell and broke his hip. He likes wandering the halls butt-ass naked but with the Alzheimer's the staff has to keep a close eye on him."

"At least he's on his feet."

"Well he wasn't two weeks ago. Now we can't keep him still."

Both men continued to watch the confrontation, which the young nurse seemed to be losing. The elevator pinged and the doors opened just as Mr. Duncan slung the nurse to the ground.

"Damn! Wait here."

Jason quickly rushed over to the desk as Morgan looked on. The elevator doors remained open as an invitation for him to enter. Realizing that no one would know he was gone he wheeled himself inside and pressed the button for the lobby. As the doors closed and the car jerked to a start he realized that this had been his first act of independence in over a week. He watched as the numbers rapidly passed by until the car came to a halt.

After just a few minutes Jason had Mr. Duncan back in his room and under control. The nurse who'd been assigned to him was grateful. She accepted Jason's offer of dinner and a movie and after pocketing her number scribbled neatly on a napkin, he glanced toward the elevators.

"Shit!"

Morgan squinted against the bright light of the mid afternoon sun. He had no idea where he was going but it felt good to be outside. He thought how easy it would be to get lost long gone before anyone noticed that he had escaped. As he slowly struggled to wheel the cumbersome chair down the walkway he was already exhausted and frustrated at the fact that his life had been reduced to four wheels and viewing the world from a sitting position. He saw the car coming toward him and suddenly it was clear that he didn't want this, not this life of dependency and helplessness. It would be so easy to just end it all. Just one carefully timed accident and it would be over. The car was getting closer the driver totally unaware of the role he or she would play in his plans. He wasn't thinking about his mother or his sisters and what they would think if he were to just let go and let the chair roll out into traffic. He kept hearing Carl's voice in his head cheering him on and laughing. The bright light of the sun was the only thing around him that seemed real. The horn blaring in the background seemed so far away and the voice yelling his name did too. Everything was fuzzy like a bad dream now as he removed his hands from the wheels and closed his eyes.

"DEREK, DON'T DO IT!"


	27. Chapter 27

"What the hell were you thinking?" Jason yelled.

One second later he would have been too late to stop him from rolling into the path of the car. Jason's heart was beating a mile a minute and his hands shook as he pulled the chair backwards toward the hospital.

"Answer me, Derek! What were you trying to do? Kill yourself?"

Morgan refused to answer keeping his focus on his hands that now rested in his lap. He wasn't sure what he'd planned for himself in that final moment before taking his hands off the chair's wheels. Actually, he did know but he couldn't bring himself to admit it or say it out loud.

Jason wanted to strangle him but then it would mean that he'd failed to get through to the man that had been his biggest challenge. He couldn't not yet not before letting him know who he really was.

"That was the single most selfish thing you could ever do! Did you stop to think what this would do to your mother and your sisters? How about your friends who've been here every day waiting to see your stubborn ass! What about Penelope? She loves you, you idiot!"

"Just take me back to my room. I'm sorry, okay? Now please just take me back!"

"No Derek, I won't take you back! What's wrong with you? Do you think you're the only person who's ever had to face life in that chair?"

Morgan felt numb he didn't want to hear another word from this stranger who knew nothing about him or who he was and who he had been before this happened.

"Stop! Shut up!"

Jason set the break on the wheels and began pacing in front of Derek searching for the words to say that would make a difference.

"I don't want this!"

Jason stopped and kneeled down next to him.

"You don't want what?"

"This! I don't want this for my life! I can't do this! I-I won't! But no one is listening! No one is hearing anything I have to say they're just making decisions like I'm not even in the room! I don't want this and no one's listening!"

Jason looked at the man in front of him that looked so much like him. He saw the fear and the loneliness and hopelessness in his eyes. He wanted to take the words back that he'd yelled at him only moments ago but he couldn't. The man before him was the epitome of strength and courage to everyone who knew him and now he was just a broken shell who had defined himself by his physical ability and the fearless way he tackled life every day. Now, what was he supposed to do if none of what he was no longer existed?

"I hear you, Derek. I'm listening."

Slowly Derek lifted his face and stared into the man's face. He fought back his emotions as the tears strained against his resolve and without another word Jason released the brake and rolled him back to his room.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia -**

Penelope grimaced as she looked at the bruises on her face. They seemed to get uglier everyday as they healed. She was thankful that her doctor had assured her that they'd heal completely leaving no lasting scars. Her ankle on the other hand would always have the scar from her surgery and it would remind her of nearly losing her life because one of Derek's women perceived her as a threat.

She loved him but she blamed him for what happened. Even though she'd looked him dead in the eye and declared that she did not. She didn't understand why he would allow his messy affairs with strange women to spill over into her life. She didn't want the details and she didn't want to be pulled into his alliances with people who he'd never see again after he'd grown tired of them. Now she was tired; tired of waiting for him to see her and to love her like she loved him. Being his friend was no longer enough for her and she wasn't willing to pretend that it was.

So now what? How was she supposed to walk away from him? How could she make her heart stop feeling what it felt for a man that didn't deserve her? She didn't know but if she was going to survive this with her life intact she knew she had to figure it out. He wasn't ready to see her or any of them and that was fine it would give her time to make some decisions and ready her heart for accepting life without her best friend.

 **Potomac General Hospital – Late Afternoon –**

Fran sat quietly next to her son's bed as he slept. After his stunt earlier he'd been restricted to bed and sedated. She wiped a stray tear from her eye as she continued to watch the movement of his chest confirming that he had not succeeded in his impulsive plan. She hadn't wanted to admit just how bad his emotional state was finding a hundred reasons for him not wanting visitors. But now, no excuse could explain his attempt to take his life. He'd gone through so much too much in fact, and he'd managed to survive each time. This time was different and she wasn't sure if things didn't work out he'd survive.

He knew he wasn't alone in the room even before he opened his eyes. He assumed it would be Reid since he'd insisted on spending his day in his room. He was surprised to see his mother at his bedside teary-eyed, red-nosed and watching him patiently.

"Ma, what are you doing here?" He slurred.

"I'm visiting my son, that's what I'm doing here."

He heard the sternness in her voice and knew she'd been told about his earlier escapade.

"I suppose you heard about earlier?"

"I lost your father, I can't lose you. Not like this, Derek!"

"Ma…"

"No Derek! You listen to me! You don't have the right to take your own life! Do you hear me! This isn't just about you. There are a lot of people who love you and need you! You're not alone."

"I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't mean to…"

"To what? Scare the hell out of me, all of us?"

"I wasn't thinking. I'm scared, Ma! Okay, I said it! I don't want to be an invalid for the rest of my life!"

"Baby Boy, you're not a quitter! If you want out of that chair then you have to fight!"

"The doctors say that there's been no improvement…"

"It's still early it doesn't mean there won't be improvement, son!"

She was right and he had to admit he'd done a foolish thing. He'd come so close to losing his life because of a brief moment of stupidity. He didn't want to die he wanted to live and to have a future. He'd been unbearable to everyone who loved and cared for him. Looking at the pain in his mother's eyes he wondered if he'd done too much damage to those who loved him to ever be forgiven.

The two continued to talk trying to focus on other things. She filled him in on Penelope's progress and on the team and how they had pretty much taken over the waiting room. After several minutes, he began to fall asleep again the sedative still in his system and would be for most of the evening. After he was fully under she stood planting a kiss on his forehead and quietly left the room.

Jason had finished his last appointment and had decided to check in on Derek before leaving for the day. He felt bad for being so harsh earlier but for someone whom had so much, so many who loved and cared for him, that should have been enough to fight but he couldn't see beyond his fears and it infuriated him to no end.

Fran nearly collided with the attractive well-built man as she rounded the corner. He seemed familiar somehow as he lightly grabbed her by the shoulders to keep from hitting her head on.

"Excuse me, Ma'am! I wasn't watching where I was going."

"No problem, it happens."

She couldn't help staring he reminded her of her husband when he was younger. It's funny how people say that we all have a twin, in fact he could have been Derek's twin or at least…

"Oh my god! Jason?"

He realized in that moment who the woman was. It had been nearly twenty years but he'd never forget her face. She was the woman who shared his father's life full-time. She was the one he called wife and mother to his children in public. She was still the beautiful woman with the vibrant red hair. He loved his mother but he'd always secretly wished she were his mother so that he could spend more time with his father. Now here they were face-to-face, he must have known that sooner or later they'd run into each other.

"Hi Fran!"

"What on Earth are you doing here?"

"I'm Derek's physical therapist. I was just on my way in to see him before I leave for the day."

"NO! Wait!"


	28. Chapter 28

"You're what? What kind of sick joke is this, Jason?"

"I don't understand. My service contacted me and told me that I was requested to help two federal agents get back on their feet. They wanted the best and I'm not trying to sound conceited, but I am the best."

"Have you told my son who you are?" She asked frantically.

"No, no of course not. I even made a joke about us not being related."

"Listen to me, I don't know what you're up to, but if you even think about telling Derek who…"

"Fran, Fran, please, I wouldn't do that! Trust me, I'm not trying to cause any problems for you or your family."

Fran exhaled she was shaking she hadn't seen Jason in almost twenty years but she'd never forget the man who looked so much like her late husband. In fact, he had a strong resemblance to her son. His existence had been a secret that she had insisted on keeping from her children and now here he was her past and present colliding and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

Nothing had changed. In all the years nothing had changed. Fran had refused to see him or have anything to do with him. He didn't understand her decision to pretend he didn't exist. Her husband had always been a part of his life and even though he'd been forced to be just a part-time father, Jason still knew him and loved him, but most of all he knew that he was loved. Jason felt his heart break seeing the anger in the woman's eyes. As a boy he'd dreamed of meeting his siblings and being accepted and loved by them all of them including Fran. Hearing her words and seeing her face told him that she had not changed her mind.

She saw the hurt in the younger man's eyes. She felt like the worst person in the world. She wasn't a bad person and didn't want to cause anyone, including the man in front of her any pain but every time she thought about him and saw him her heart shattered and she was suddenly transported back to her past.

"Jason, listen I'm sorry this isn't your fault. You're just an unfortunate victim of a very unfortunate incident."

"Incident? I'm sorry Mrs. Morgan, but I am not an _incident_! I'm so sorry for what happened, but I am not an, incident!"

"I didn't mean to, to…Listen Jason, I know you didn't deserve this, any of this; your life, being rejected by the people that should love you but, every time I look at you I see…"

"I have no intentions on hurting anyone, especially your children! I'm here to do a job and that's what I plan on doing! Nothing more, you have my word."

"Hello Bella!"

Fran jumped at the familiar voice behind her as Dave stood behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. She wasn't expecting him he was supposed to be at the office until later that evening.

"Dave, uh hi! This is a surprise."

He noticed the nervousness in her voice and her body had stiffened against his.

"Is something wrong? You seem upset."

He glanced at the younger man watching them. He seemed tense as well.

"No nothing's wrong I was just discussing Derek's progress with…"

"Jason. Jason Morgan."

He extended his hand to the older man, which was quickly accepted.

"Jason is Derek's physical therapist."

"Jason, yes! I've heard a lot about you. You came highly recommended."

"Excuse me?"

Fran turned to face her lover while Jason's jaw dropped in confusion.

"I made a few calls when I found out that Derek was going to have some challenges. My _sources_ told me that Jason here is the best physical therapist in the country so I called in a favor and requested him."

She was speechless and he was puzzled at the fear and anger in her eyes. At the least he assumed it would earn him some brownie points with her at the most he expected Jason to get his friend back on his feet. Both men watched as the distraught woman rushed from the hospital in tears.

 **Home of David Rossi – Later –**

Dave was relieved to see her rental in the driveway. He hurried in and began his search for her finding her finally in his bedroom. He watched her from the doorway as she hurriedly threw her clothes into her suitcase. She was still upset and he was determined to know why.

"Fran?"

She glanced over her shoulder at him and picked up her speed not even bothering to fold her clothes as she slammed them piece-by-piece into the bag. He closed the distance between them and gently placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him.

"What's wrong? Did I do something to upset you?"

"No. I-I- just think it's time for me to go home."

"You're kidding? Now when Derek needs you? What brought this on? I've never seen you like this?"

She tried to move away but he held her in place looking deeply into her teary eyes.

"Dave…"

She didn't know where to begin she felt like a child running away from him like this. Seeing Jason had sent her back to a painful time in her life and she didn't know how to explain it to him.

"Talk to me, did Jason say something to upset you?"

"No, no not at all. Dave I so appreciate what you did for Derek I'm not sure how I'll ever repay you."

"You don't need to repay me, Fran. Just tell me what's bothering you. Whatever it is, I'm here to help you work through it."

"I'm not sure anyone can help me through this."

"Did the doctors give you bad news about your son?"

"No, Dave that's not it. I'm just not the woman you think I am."

She pulled away from him and went back to her work packing her last few things. He didn't try to stop her this time he simply stood and watched the woman he loved prepare to leave him.

How could she explain her past to the man who looked at her with so much love and pride in his eyes? She'd hidden a huge part of her past from him and everyone who knew her and now without so much as a knock on the door her skeletons were spilling out of the closet and threatening her happiness. What would her children think of what she'd done all in the name of protecting them and herself? She couldn't stand the thought of them knowing and seeing the effect her truth would have on so many lives.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

Penelope was just about to sit down for an early dinner; she was quite proud of herself for being able to stand long enough to prepare a quick meal all on her own. She lavished in the quiet time of being alone without Fran or JJ hovering over her. She loved them all for loving her but she was beginning to feel smothered. Her therapy was coming along better than anyone expected and for that she couldn't help but smile. Her feelings for Derek hadn't changed but she had resolved to do whatever she needed to do to reclaim her heart. She'd waited foolishly for him for too long and she needed to give up her dream of having a future with him. He was so broken and he seemed to want to remain broken and that made her heart bleed for him.

She was surprised to hear the doorbell ring since she wasn't expecting company. Carefully she made her way to the door with the help of her walker and was shocked to see him standing in the hallway.

After the run in at the hospital, he decided it would be best not to visit Derek. He was in no state to deal with him. So, he left shortly after Agent Rossi ran out after Fran and headed to nowhere in particular. He wasn't sure how he ended up here, or why but here he was standing nervously at her door.

She couldn't believe he was here and how it oddly reminded her of so many other unannounced visits she'd received in the past. She opened the door and saw the same familiar sadness and distress and pain; so much pain.

"Jason?"

"Hi, um, I'm sorry…"

"Did we have a session today?"

"No, no, I was out in the area and I thought I'd…I'm sorry you were probably busy, right?"

"No not at all! I was just getting ready to eat an early dinner. There's enough for two, please come in."

She was so beautiful and her smile almost made him forget the incident with Fran; almost. He hadn't known her long but even at the worst time in her life she still had a positive light about herself. He envied that and he envied Derek for having someone like her in his life…he wondered if he knew how lucky he was and if he knew what he truly had in her.


	29. Chapter 29

**Home of David Rossi –**

He'd been a profiler too long to not know this was serious. The woman he'd gotten to know intimately over the last year was not easily shaken and more importantly, she wasn't a runner. Her son had inherited her strength and resolve and had faced loss and adversity all of her life. He wasn't going to let her leave without a fight even if he had to tie her down until she talked to him.

"Talk to me Fran."

She felt his hands on her shoulders holding her in place.

"I promise you there is nothing you can tell me that will change how I feel about you."

"Dave…"

"Nothing!"

He gently pulled her to him her back resting against her chest. She couldn't stop the tears she wasn't sure if she wanted to if she could. It felt good to just be held against him. David Rossi had become her solace she'd almost forgotten how it felt to be loved by a man. Not since her late husband had she'd been this close to anyone. Slowly she turned to face him and taking his hand in hers she led them both to the bed where they sat for what seemed like hours in silence before she began her story.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

Jason neatly folded his napkin and placing it next to his plate he exhaled. He'd eaten much more than he had planned but it had been a while since he'd had a home cooked meal. He pretended not to notice her watching him no doubt she was curious about his visit. He wasn't sure how he'd ended up here but he did and he was grateful that she had let him in.

"That was amazing! Thank you!"

"My pleasure. Besides, I always make way too much when I cook."

He loved her smile it was bright, honest and it had a way of making him feel better. He wanted to tell her about his run in with Fran but he knew they were close and he'd promised the woman he wouldn't cause problems for her.

"So, Mr. Jason Morgan what really brings you by?"

Where to begin, he thought.

 **Home of David Rossi – Later –**

"My husband and I had been dating for about a year before he proposed and of course I accepted." She began. "He was just a rookie then but he was so serious and mature for his age."

Dave noticed her expression change as she stood and moved toward the large bay window. He remained seated on the bed allowing her the space she needed.

"He and his twin brother had joined the force together right out of college. Everybody made such a big deal having twins on the force together." She chuckled.

Dave had a feeling where this was leading; with almost forty years as a profiler there wasn't much that could surprise him. He watched the tears running down her face as she turned back to face him.

 ** _Flashback…_**

 **Chicago, Illinois- 47 years ago…**

 _"Charles! What are you doing here?"_

 _She was surprised to hear her doorbell at this time of night. The only person who'd dare come over after ten was James and because he was a gentleman, he would never come without calling first. She peered through the small peephole and saw him standing on her porch with his back to her._

 _"It's awfully late, I've already turned in for the evening." She said without opening the door."_

 _"Come on, Fran, it's cold out here!"_

 _"Charles, go home. James wouldn't appreciate you being here this late!"_

 _"Let me in Fran, it's about James something happened!"_

 _She jerked the door opened her heart was beating wildly fearing the worst. Charles rushed past her as she closed the door waiting to hear the news about her fiancée._

 _"What happened, to James?"_

 _He turned to face her, she was so fragile and beautiful. He hated his brother for always being the lucky one, the one who always got what he wanted. They were identical twins but the women always favored James. He was going to win this time tonight was going to be the night he took what he wanted no matter the consequences._

 _She saw the darkness and intent in his eyes as he approached her. He was larger and faster than she was and he read her thoughts as she tried to run toward the door._

 _"James is just fine, Fran, just fine."_

 _"But…you said…"_

 _"I know what I said but it was the only way you'd let me in the house."_

 **Present Day…**

Rossi gently pulled her into his arms he didn't need to hear any more to know what had happened. Everything made sense now; her reaction and behavior toward Jason made sense. He held her tightly against his body as she cried uncontrollably as she shared the details as if the rape had happened yesterday. He felt guilty for insisting that she stay and tell him what had happened and he felt his own tears welling up and spilling down his face.

"Jason…is my son." She spoke softly. "My firstborn child conceived because my husband's brother raped me in my own home."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I brought this pain back into your life, I'm so…"

"No, no Dave this isn't your fault. After all of these years I should be over it, right?"

She pulled away and stared into his face until he looked at her.

"This isn't your fault! It's not your fault, do you understand?"

He couldn't speak he just shook his head and pulled her against him holding her tightly against his chest.

 **Home of Penelope Garcia –**

"Have you ever had one of those days when you wonder if what you do and what you try to be is worth it?"

She watched the emotions dancing in his eyes; she couldn't help thinking about Derek.

"Uh…yeah… with what we do for a living there are a lot of days like that."

"So what do you do?"

"You keep doing your best and keep believing that you are making a difference even if you can't always see it."

"Derek is really lucky to have someone like you in his life."

"I don't know about that. Besides, Derek and I are friends who have hit a rough patch. Sometimes, I think he'd be better off without me around."

"No way, beautiful lady you are a ray of sunshine. I'd kill for a friend like you."

There was that smile of hers again and he felt a twinge of jealousy…and guilt.

"So, what's happened today that has you questioning your calling?"

"I had the misfortune of witnessing an encounter between a woman and her child today and I never saw a mother look at her child with such…hatred. I don't know, it just really shook me, I don't know how to explain it."

She reached across the table and placed her hand on his. She felt him shudder slightly as their eyes met for a moment before he pulled his hands away.

"Listen, Jason, you're a good man of course it would shake you to see a child being mistreated."

"You don't know me, Penelope, how do you know I'm a good person?"

"I know that's all. I just know."

It would be so easy to fall in love with her. Even though Derek and Penelope hadn't admitted the truth, she belonged to him he saw it in both of their eyes when they spoke of each other. Her desire to recover was based only on wanting to be able to help him. Derek was too blind and self-centered to realize what he had. Jason wanted to know how it would feel to be loved with no strings, no judgment. If only Penelope Garcia belonged to him. What would his brother think? More importantly, what would his mother think?

 **Home of David Rossi –**

Fran moved out of his embrace and returned to the bed taking a seat before going on.

"James' family never believed that their son…that Charles raped me. They were always against James and I being together for obvious reasons."

"That still doesn't explain…"

"Why he has the last name of Morgan? When Charles was sent to prison, his sister adopted Jason. James was torn he felt guilty for what his brother had done but he didn't want the boy to be without a father so…"

"He stepped in as the father figure."

Fran shook her head meaning yes as she continued sharing the sorted details of her life."

"That must have made family gatherings a little awkward."

"I wasn't welcomed at family gatherings."

Rossi pulled her tighter while they both sat in silence for a moment before Fran continued to fill him in.

 **Potomac General Hospital – Later –**

The room was quiet, too quiet and the white sterile walls seemed to be closing in on him. Morgan had finally been successful in getting his family and friends to leave him alone. It was what he wanted he couldn't stand the thought of them holding vigil waiting for him to come to his senses and let them in. He'd been a horrible person in his demands for solitude especially to Garcia and now here he was unable to move from the waist down, confined to a hard narrow bed with the only visitor being the loud voice of the late Carl Buford. He was now his only constant beyond the doctors and nurses that entered his room every few hours. He had fallen not because he was injured but because he was a coward he'd thrown in the towel before even fighting which now made him a hypocrite.

He'd made a point of staying in contact with James Barfield assuming the role of big brother and confidante. He'd encouraged and challenged him to fight his demons and to seek help and now here he lay refusing to fight. This wasn't who he was and he knew it. He'd conquered too many demons in his life to simply give up. The time had given him what he needed and that was stillness to think about his life and how he had driven it into the ditch taking his family and friends with him. He'd misused and taken his friendship with Garcia for granted for far too long and he was afraid he'd done too much damage to make things right. He glanced at his phone in front of him; he needed to hear her voice even for a second. The quiet was closing in on him and he felt as if he'd go mad at any moment. Slowly reaching and picking it up he pressed, one, closing his eyes as he listened to it ring.

 _"You're wasting your time, Derek. She doesn't want to talk to you. She's finally given up on you. But don't worry, son, I'll keep you company."_


	30. Chapter 30

He held the phone against his ear counting the rings; she'd never let it ring more than twice when he called. Now after four rings he knew she wasn't going to pick up and then he heard her recorded message on the other end and without leaving a message he ended the call. He leaned his aching body against the pillow the sense of loneliness and loss nearly overwhelmed him.

 _"I told you, Derek! When are you going to start listening to me?"_

Her heart leaped when she saw his name and picture appear on her screen. Her reflex was to answer without hesitation but today she kept her hand from doing what her heart desperately desired. He was calling…He was calling and that should have been a good sign, a sign that he was ready to talk and to engage in life again but she was afraid of letting him pull her back into his life which had become the down side of a steep rollercoaster ride careening down too fast for her or anyone else to stop the impending crash. She was tired. Tired of waiting on him to decide if she would exist in his life as more than a friend. Even as a friend he'd taken her for granted lately flaunting and parading an endless stream of women in her face. He had to know how she felt about him after all these years of flirting and teasing and spending countless of hours together. He was one of the world's best profilers after all. It didn't matter if she'd never told him, never even allowed the conversation to come up and in fact, she'd encouraged him to find someone and settle down. Not to mention her two serious relationships with Kevin and Sam. It was easy to blame him, easy to put all the responsibility on him for her misery and if nothing else when it came to relationships, Penelope Garcia was an expert at taking the easy way out.

 **Windsor Hotel –**

Jason stepped into the hotel room that had become home; he'd decided to stay near the hospital while he was in town on this current assignment. His day had taken an awkward turn with running into Fran and being reminded that he was nothing more than a regret, an _incident_ , as she called it. Even after forty-five years she still held onto the pain of his conception and birth and his heart ached.

He'd been told the dirty truth days after his high school graduation turning a time that should have been joyous into a sick joke. He'd been told as a small child that he was adopted and he'd asked many times during his childhood about his real parents but his questions were always unanswered with a promise of the truth when he was older. The truth sickened him especially once he realized that his adopted family were blood relatives, confirming that he was the family's shame and as much as his birth mother hated him, he hated himself more.

He'd kept her secret, pretending not to know, staying away from her and his siblings just like she'd wanted. In a twisted way he felt he owed her his silence. Still now more than ever he craved her love and acceptance and he wondered what Derek would think if he knew who he was. Jason looked around the small room and suddenly the walls were closing in on him, so without another thought, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.

 **Potomac General Hospital – Later –**

He was just about to ask for his last pain medication for the evening when the door opened. He was the last person he'd expected to see; their last meeting hadn't been good with Morgan's little stunt in the parking lot that had painted him as suicidal. Still, he welcomed a break from the maddening quiet.

"You're still awake."

Jason approached the bed cautiously aware that he may not be welcomed.

"Yeah, I was just about to turn in for the night. It's a little late for you, isn't it?"

"I thought I'd come by and check on you…"

"Don't worry I'm not going to try and kill myself…"

"Again?"

"I wasn't going to…I just needed some air…some space…"

"Listen, Derek, I'm sorry about before maybe I over-reacted…it looked like you were trying to…"

"I know, I know what it looked like."

"You're nothing like I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"I was told you were this strong fighter; a man that never gave up and refused to be taken down."

"Yeah well, rumors of my perfection have been greatly exaggerated." He chuckled dryly.

Jason had come for more than just a late night visit. He wanted to tell him the truth he needed to see the shock in his eyes as he revealed his true identity. No doubt he'd hate his mother for her secrets and her lies and he wanted to yank his love for her from his heart. He'd also heard how close they were; the man in the bed paralyzed from the waist down had always had what he wanted. Now he had the power to take it all and destroy him all at the same time.

"Do you know how lucky you are?"

"Look at me man, I'm in this bed I can't walk, I can't move unless someone helps me! You call that lucky?"

"You have people who care about you, Derek! Penelope loves you and wants to get back on her feet so she can help take care of you! You have a mother and sisters who'd move heaven and earth for you and you lay there refusing to even try to get better!"

"Did you come back to lecture me, Jason? If you did you can turn around and walk out that door!"

"No! I didn't come to lecture you, I came to tell you who I am; who I really am!"

 **Home of David Rossi –**

"Thank you."

Dave pulled away from her slightly confused looking intently into her teary eyes.

"For what, Bella?"

"For not judging me and for convincing me to stay."

"Fran Morgan, I love you and nothing will ever change that. Ever."

He pulled her close holding her tight against his body. He'd listened as she explained in great detail her nightmare and the secrets of her past. She'd made some decisions in her past that were meant to protect herself and her family; decisions that had she'd been in a better place, she would have known that one day those decisions would come back to haunt her. But he couldn't fault her, what had happened was horrible and no one should have to endure such violence, hurt and pain. He still saw the woman who'd survived and was still standing and still able to love and for that he was thankful.

It was late and they hadn't eaten. His plans for dinner were postponed as he chose to show her how much he loved her in a more intimate way. Now both of their stomachs were growling and demanding food.

"What am I going to do about my son?"

"Which one?"

"Both."


	31. Chapter 31

"And just who are you, Jason?"

This was his chance, he'd dreamed of this moment from the time he'd been told who Fran really was. His heart was beating out of his chest as he looked at the angry eyes across from him. What would Fran think? What would all of them think to know that he'd spilled the beans and revealed her secrets?

"I'm the man who's going to get you back on your feet whether you like it or not! I'm tired of you feeling sorry for yourself like you're the only person who's ever been in your situation!"

"Listen, man I'm not trying to hear this right…"

"But you're going to listen and you're going to listen right now!"

Derek actually flinched when Jason took a step toward him. Nothing and nobody made Derek Morgan flinch, but the man in front of him had something in his eyes that made him consider him a threat.

"You have an amazing family of friends who love you and more importantly, you have a woman who'd die for you! All of them have been waiting around for you to get it together, ready to help you at a moment's notice!"

"Just leave! Do you hear me! Get out!"

"Oh, I'm leaving but I'll be back bright and early in the morning. I'm going to drag your sorry ass out of that bed and when I'm finished working on you you're going to wish I'd let you roll in front of that car!"

Morgan watched as the man came closer leaning down close enough to feel his breath on his face.

"I've never failed in getting a patient back on his feet and you will not be my exception. When the day comes that you take your first steps, I'm going to take the one thing that you've always taken for granted."

"What the hell are you talking about, man? You don't know me and you don't know what's important to me!"

"I know that you've been pretending to not know that the most amazing woman has been madly in love with you for years now. I know that you are an arrogant and selfish jerk that thinks she'll wait around for you forever!"

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!"

"But she won't! And you know why? Because I'm going to take her from you! I'm going to show her what it feels like to be appreciated and loved and cherished and…"

"You need to shut your mouth right now!"

Morgan tried pulling himself up in bed but it was harder than he thought. He was angry all he wanted to do was to get his hands on Jason and wrap them around his neck but he was too weak to pull himself up and that made him even angrier.

"Or what? What are you going to do, Derek? You can't even pull yourself up in bed, you can't stand you can't even take a piss without someone helping you! What?"

"You son-of-a-bitch! I'm going to walk again! You can believe that and when I do the first thing I'm going to do is beat your sorry ass!"

"We'll see won't we, Derek!"

Then with a wicked smile he confidently turned and left the room. Derek watched with fury and fire in his eyes. He grabbed the dull white plastic urinal next to his bed and sent it sailing across the room crashing against the door.

Jason stood outside in the hallway he heard the crash of plastic against the door. Smiling and arms crossed over his chest he shook his head.

 _"That's it, Derek! Now you have something to live for! I'll have you walking if it's the last thing I do!"_

Jason glanced at his watch, it was late and he had a big day planned for his patient tomorrow. He needed his rest tomorrow would start bright and early.

Morgan tried again and again to pull himself up each time growing more and more frustrated. He looked at his legs that now seemed like strangers mocking his futile efforts. Then even though he was now out of breath he tried one more time and felt his body relent as he inched slightly upward in bed. He felt his heart speed up as he tried again, pulling himself up further. He was hopeful for the first time since being there and then a bolt of pain shot through his left leg. Pain…sweet glorious, magnificent pain; he knew what it meant, it was victory, it was life and victory. Pain meant everything to him he hadn't felt pain in his legs he hadn't felt anything in his legs until now. Tears tumbled from his eyes he didn't care and he wasn't ashamed he just let them come, letting his body fall back onto the pillows with a heavy thud. His moans of joy and pain echoed against the sterile white walls and as his breathing set the tempo for his misery and determination his thoughts went to Penelope.

 _"That's it! That's it, son! That's my boy! I knew you could do it! Don't quit!"_

 **Potomac General Hospital- Physical Therapy Wing – Morning –**

Just as he promised Jason was pushing Morgan past his stubbornness and his anger and his desire to give up. Drenched in sweat Derek allowed their conversation from the night before to motivate him to keep going. He wasn't a quitter and he wasn't going to let Jason break him. So, he pushed and screamed within himself wanting to heal and walk and live on his own terms again.

"Come on, Derek! One more! Come on you're not going to give up are you?"

"AHHH!"

He wanted to kill the man in his face but he gave him one more, then another and another.

"Yeah, that's it! You got it! Come on! Come on!"

The pain was back louder and more intense than the night before. He didn't want to mention it he just wanted to continue. No excuses not this time. Jason was impressed this was the man he'd been told so much about. He knew he was exhausted and he knew that he'd pushed him way beyond his limits but he needed him to be whole again. Not for Penelope even though she was more than worth it. He couldn't describe it hell he didn't even understand why the man sweating and struggling in front of him meant so much to him. He'd grown up with everything he'd always wanted. He could easily cripple him for life but he wanted him to be able to stand on his own and he needed him to want to fight. He needed him to want to live but most of all he needed him standing eye to eye when he introduced himself as his brother.

She watched unnoticed from the door. Oddly, they were so much alike in every way. His unexpected visit had reminded her of the countless times Derek had found himself at her door needing her to listen and to hold him. Jason was relentless, driven to the point of distraction. She'd never seen anyone so determined to help anyone before. She watched Derek, he was the old Derek, fighting and pushing himself. She'd never be able to walk away from him and looking at him now confirmed that fact. Her love had driven her here this morning an hour before her appointment even after swearing to do whatever was necessary to purge him from her life. But he was her life he was too much a part of her like the blood running through her veins, he was a constant and a necessity.

She wiped a stray tear from her cheek, proud and emotional watching the man who'd nearly killed himself a day ago. She didn't want to think what would have happened to her had he succeeded.

"Okay, take five! Impressive! You did good, Derek."

Jason handed Derek a bottle of water and a towel. He'd seen Penelope twenty minutes ago watching them from the doorway. He let her believe that he hadn't noticed. He also knew that she had not come early for him. No, she was there to see Derek. Jason already knew that he didn't stand a chance with her; his brother was a lucky man and it was okay. His complicated life made Morgan's look like a kindergarten playground. No matter how screwed up their friendship was they were meant for each other and like everyone else, he knew it, he saw it and he wondered why the two didn't.

"How long have you been here?"

She suddenly realized that he had known all along that she was there. She felt foolish and nervous as he approached her. It was no use in lying or making an excuse so the truth would have to do.

"I just wanted to see for myself how he was doing."

"Well as you can see, he's doing quite well."

"I see. I'm glad."

"Why don't you go and say, hi."

"Oh, I don't know. He's made it quite clear that he doesn't want to be bothered."

"You two are utterly exhausting. When are you going to come clean with each other?"

"What?"

"You know what I mean. You're in love with him."

"Derek has way too many choices than to settle for me."

"Do you know why Derek is working his ass off this morning?"

"No. Why?"

"It's because of you!"

"Me? I don't understand."

"I paid Derek a late visit last night. I told him that I was going to steal you away from him."

"Jason! You didn't!"

"I sure in the hell did!"

"What did he say?"

"He damn near climbed out of the bed and started walking! If he could have reached me he would have strangled me!"

"Oh…"

That's all she could say, nothing more. Maybe she'd been wrong, why had she been so eager to walk away when he needed her the most? She stood there watching as he wiped the sweat from his arms totally unaware of her presence. Jason smiled at her. He'd made her nervous, hopeful…he'd made her smile.

"Go!" He prodded.

"I-I…"

"You know, Ms. Garcia, Derek is a very lucky man to have someone like you and if I wasn't already taken…I really would steal you away from him."

Her jaw dropped as he turned and walked back to his patient.


	32. Chapter 32

Penelope felt a sudden wave of fear overcome her as she watched Derek from the doorway. Jason's words had caught her off guard especially his parting words about taking her from Derek. How could he take her from Derek if she didn't belong to Derek; no matter how much she loved him or wanted to be in a position in his life to be taken, the truth was he didn't feel the same…or did he? No, no she wasn't going to allow her self that delusion she'd waited too long for him to see her. She'd gotten comfortable being his best friend and even now she wasn't sure if she still held that place in his life. No, it was time to move on, time to stop dreaming little girl's dreams of fairytales and knights and happily-ever-after. She took one last look and quietly turned and headed down the hallway.

Jason watched him out of breath and grimacing on the floor. He'd worked him hard and he'd met the challenge. He felt as if he and his patient had reached a silent understanding and Derek had finally broken through the wall of doubt and pity and was ready to work and to fight for his life back. She was the reason, she was his purpose and even if his stubborn pride would not allow him to say the words out loud Jason knew who Penelope was to Derek. Fixing Derek's legs and fixing Penelope's ankle was the easy part, the real battle was getting the two hard-headed, stubborn adults to stop acting like children and admit what everyone else knew. He didn't get it, how could two people put in so much work at running from love? He saw the love freely given to each other, their team, Fran, all of them lavishing the two with love and concern and he envied it. It made the emptiness he felt and the hole in his heart widen at knowing he had none of that…not even close.

"You did good, Derek! How do you feel?"

"Exhausted." He panted. "Sore, pain…am I supposed to feel this much pain?"

Jason smiled and kneeled down next to him gently pressing points along his legs then watching his face for a reaction.

"Yes, yes pain is good, pain is life, the nerves are trying to wake up…and that's good, very good!"

Jason was excited he turned toward the door sure she was still watching but his heart sank for the man who'd finally had a glimmer in his eyes. He hadn't pictured her as a runner but maybe too much had happened and now she was giving up. He turned back and began helping Derek into the wheelchair. Yeah, getting him back on his feet was the easy part, getting him and Penelope to admit their feelings, now that was going to be the real challenge.

"Let's get you back to your room I'm sure your doctor will want to check you out."

 **One hour later…**

Fran and Dave were alarmed to see the others standing in the hallway outside of Derek's room. She dreaded hearing more bad news about her son. Picking up her speed she joined the others with Dave close behind her. JJ saw the look of panic on the older woman's face quickly moving to her she wrapped her arm around her shoulders reassuringly as she glanced at Garcia.

"He's fine, he's fine don't worry."

Fran exhaled and relaxed against JJ's body.

"What's going on? Why is everybody out here?" Dave asked.

"Derek has gotten some feeling in his legs!" Penelope began.

"He was complaining of pain after his physical therapy earlier and…" Reid began.

"That's a good thing, right?" Dave interrupted.

Fran's hand covered her mouth as tears began seeping from her eyes. She'd been a nurse for forty years and she knew that this was definitely a good thing. She smiled at Dave as he waited for an answer.

"Yes! It's good news." Fran answered. "When can we go in to see him?"

"As soon as the doctor comes out and gives us the okay."

On cue the doctor who' been caring for Morgan exited the room closing the door behind him and immediately, he was surrounded by the anxious group.

"How is he doctor?" Fran asked anxiously.

"He's doing quite well! He's experiencing feeling in both legs and he's able to move his legs and feet."

A collective sigh brought a broad smile to the doctor's face as he waited to continue.

"I don't want to mislead any of you. This is just the beginning of a long road. It's important that he continues intense physical therapy…it won't be easy but if he's willing to put in the work, I expect him to fully recover in time."

This was the best news they'd gotten in a long time and all of them exchanged hugs and tears amongst themselves, shaking the doctors hand and thanking him for everything he'd done.

"Can we see him?" Penelope asked tearfully.

"Yes but please don't stay too long between physical therapy and my exams he's pretty exhausted and he's just been given something for pain which will make him pretty sleepy."

"Yes doctor, thank you!"

He was exhausted struggling to keep his eyes open but the faces of his family and friends made the struggle worthwhile. A tired smile crossed his face as his mother rushed to his side planting a kiss on his forehead and hugging him tightly around the neck. The others watched teary-eyed waiting for their turn. Penelope didn't know what to say and for the first time felt unsure of her self. She quickly followed Fran's suit and moved to the other side of the bed kissing him lightly on the cheek and then quickly moving away before he could react.

Jason who'd been watching from the far corner of the room noticed the odd exchange and the confusion on Morgan's face as she retreated. He also noticed Fran as she doted over her son never even acknowledging that he had stayed in the room after the doctor had left. He wanted to disappear, to run for the door yet his feet held him in place as he stood mesmerized at the scene of a mother loving her child as if her very breath depended on it. It took several minutes for him to realize that he was crying as he quickly wiped the stray tear that had escaped down his cheek.

The reunion continued for the next several minutes until the nurse came in and shooed them all away. One by one they kissed or hugged him and waved goodbye. Penelope and Jason were the last to leave. The fact that she had barely said two words since the group's visit had not gone unnoticed. There was so much he needed to say to her but she was so distant. It was odd that she had not seemed herself despite the good news of his impending recovery. Jason knew that the two needed to talk and so after shaking Derek's hand he quickly rushed past Garcia and out of the room.

"Penelope."

She didn't want to talk she didn't want to be alone in the room with him. She was afraid of what she would do or say. More than that, she was afraid of what he may say to her that would shatter the rest of her heart. She slowly turned to face him.

"Can you stay?"


	33. Chapter 33

He watched her stand motionless at the door and he saw the uncertainty and conflict in her eyes.

"Please, just for a few minutes."

She nodded and slowly returned to his bedside stopping just out of his reach.

"Baby Girl, I'm sorry…"

"No, Derek you don't have to…"

"Yes, yes I do. I've been a jerk, an idiot, a…"

"Derek, please I think we both need time…"

She'd heard his apologies before, forgiven him before and still she was just…just his friend who was always there by his side waiting for him to need a shoulder, a listening ear but it wasn't enough; she wanted more, more for herself and more for him.

"Time? Time for what?"

"Time apart from each other, we've had this crazy friendship, relationship, or whatever you call it and maybe it's run its course…"

"Penelope what are you talking about? I love you, you know that and I know I've hurt you. I want to apologize for being such a jerk lately, I'm sorry!"

She saw the look that Derek Morgan look with the remorseful look in his eyes and the pleading sound in his voice she'd fallen for it a million times and forgiven him but not this time; not this time.

"Derek, you're not the only one Jason worked like crazy today, I really am tired."

"Penelope, talk to me. If you're upset about Chloe and what she did I can understand that. I would have never gotten involved with her if I thought she'd try to hurt you!"

She felt the tears welling and she knew that there would be no way she'd be able to stop them from spilling onto her face. She didn't want to cry not this time. He didn't get it, her, and for that her heart broke. It wasn't about Chloe, no it was about Tiffany and Selina and Carrie and all the other women he'd chosen to be with over the years when she'd been right there waiting for him to chose her. This was goodbye she just prayed she had enough strength to utter those words and walk out the door and out of his life.

"Goodbye, Derek."

His mouth opened his lips were moving but there were no words, his mind was stuck and he hadn't taken a breath since she'd turned her back and took her first step toward the door. In that moment he realized that she was connected to his survival, to his physiology he couldn't breathe, and his heart didn't beat without her. When it happened he didn't know. She'd managed somehow over the last eleven years to seep into his pores and flow through his veins like blood to his heart. Her brightness and joy was what made his heart beat and his mind and spirit work in sync with the rest of his being. She owned his very existence and he wasn't ready to die.

"I love you…Penelope. If you step out that door, you'll take my life with you."

She froze for what seemed like eternity she didn't want to turn back to face him to acknowledge that perhaps she did actually hear him say the words she'd dreamed of hearing from him for years.

"Did you hear what I said? I love you I'm _in_ love with you and I've been a fool."

She regained the feeling in her limbs and she found herself moving again this time back toward the bed trembling and weak-kneed. She felt his hand around hers pulling her closer to him and increasing his grip holding her in place.

"Don't leave, please."

"Is this about Jason? He told me what he said about taking me from you! I know how competitive you are Derek Morgan and if this is about winning and your big male ego and…"

She felt her body jerk forward as he pulled her toward him. He felt her body collapse on top of his and before she could gather herself and protest his lips were on hers. He wasted no time with gentleness as he kissed her hard and meaningful. Her gasp of surprise was enough for his tongue to gain entrance into her mouth and he controlled her; controlled her mind and her will to pull away and run. She kissed him back and allowed him to hold her in place. She gave up her fight against him and instead joined him in a dance of passion as their tongues met each other for the first time. When at last they pulled apart needing air to breathe and space to come to their senses, their eyes met locking on to each other waiting for one of them to speak.

"I love you, Baby Girl. No if's, no but's, no competition, no nothing. I love you, period."

She searched his face for what he was not saying she'd waited too long and so much time had passed and she wasn't sure she could believe what even his eyes were now telling her.

"Why now, Derek? You just got out of Chloe's bed…you did sleep with her right? I know you so don't try and deny it!"

He looked down at his hand that still held hers tightly then back to her. He had nothing and everything to lose. If she walked out he would have nothing and if she stayed it was worth it all.

"Yeah, yeah I slept with Chloe but…"

"But what? But what Derek, you sleep with me and I'm cast away like the rest your female road kill?"

"It's not like that, you're not like that, Garcia!"

"Then tell me, what is it?"

 **Home of David Rossi – Evening –**

David sat at his large kitchen island watching as she nervously flitted around his kitchen. She was off kilter trying desperately to make herself busy and unavailable to talk beyond idle chatter. He knew her, had gotten acquainted with the inner woman and she couldn't fool him.

"You're going to have to talk to him."

She paused for just a breath of time and continued preparing their dinner not responding as if she had not heard him. He knew the game.

"He's your son, Fran just like Derek is your son. Talk to him."

Setting the large wooden spoon down on the counter she turned to face him frustrated that he was insisting on having this conversation.

"And say what? Sorry I don't love you don't want to have anything to do with you! Every time I see you I see him! You're an inconvenience, a reminder that a man forced his way into my home and violently raped me! What? What do I say to him, Dave?"

He quickly stood and moved to her grabbing her gently and pulling her against his chest. She let go and sobbed hard and long all the tears she'd forbidden herself to cry for so long. She was exhausted from remaining silent about that night and pretending that she could deny it happened and deny the fact that she still grieved the loss of what was taken from her that night. She cried for Jason, her first born who she threw away along with her joy.

"I was a virgin."

He increased his hold on her remaining silent and allowing her to feel safe to share.

"Derek's father and I had agreed to wait until we were married. He was supposed to be my first."

"Bella…"

"I felt so dirty and so unworthy of a man like James for so long. I always wondered why he still wanted to marry me after what his brother had done."

"He loved you what happened didn't change that."

"I wish that Jason had never been born…not that way, does that make me a bad person?"

"No it doesn't. What was done to you wasn't your fault, Fran."

"After all these years I still wonder if I did something, said something to make him think I wanted him to do what he did."

"You know the answer to that question. Of course you didn't. You can't blame yourself for his behavior! You're a good woman, Fran Morgan and I know you'll do what's right just take the time you need."

His heart broke for her as he held her. Her sobs and moans made him wish he could turn back the hands of time and take away the pain but he couldn't. She was an amazing woman who'd denied her pain for too long and now that pain refused to be ignored any longer. He loved her and he'd be there for her no matter what she needed.

 **Potomac General Hospital –**

Jason was restless and he made the short walk back to the hospital. He wasn't sure why he was here or what he would say when he walked back into Derek's room. He couldn't erase the vision of the woman whom they both shared. As much as she hated him she loved Derek twice as much. The notion that someone could love him like that was inconceivable. He'd played scenario after scenario in his head of a tearful reunion with his mother and he dreamed of being introduced to his siblings and welcomed with warm embraces into their family. He knew it was something that would never happen but for now he needed to be near him in the same space and so he now stood outside his door poised to enter.

He'd fallen asleep halfway through his speech, voice slurring and fading as he tried desperately to stay awake but the day's activities and the heavy pain medications had other ideas for him. She'd have to wait until he was awake but she'd heard enough to convince her to stay and give him a chance. He managed to make room for her next to him on the bed and as she lay in his arms she wondered if she really would have left him. She felt safe in his arms that were wrapped tightly around her and she smiled at the sound of the light snore coming from him. She was happy, happier than she'd been in a long time and as she shifted slightly to get comfortable her eyes closed and she drifted into a deep sleep.

Jason pushed the door open slowly stepping into the room. He smiled at the sight before him, shook his head and exhaled a sigh of relief. Just a few hours ago, he thought Penelope and Derek were history with no chance of being happy together. He was wrong and he was glad. Slowly he backed out into the hallway and closed the door. As he leaned on the door he wondered if God had just one more miracle left.


	34. Chapter 34

**Potomac General Hospital – Morning**

It was much too early to visit Derek but she hoped to perhaps find Jason in the therapy room. Her conversation with Dave had kept her up and she had to admit that running from her past was a losing battle. Her past had caught up with her and it wasn't going away quietly.

He loved the quiet of the early morning. Getting in an hour workout before his patients began arriving helped him clear his head. He heard her come in about fifteen minutes into his cool down. She was the last person he expected to see. He grabbed his towel and began wiping the sweat from his forehead and neck.

"Good morning; I hope I'm not interrupting." She began.

"No…uh I just like getting in a workout before my patients start arriving."

"Okay, well, I can come back later…"

"No…please…stay."

She looked around the room deciding whether to sit or stand. He noticed her nervousness and decided maybe a more public place would be better.

"How about we go get some coffee. The cafeteria's actually not bad."

"Sure, that sounds good."

The two walked in silence. Fran was glad that it was just a few steps from the physical therapy department. She'd never been this nervous in her life. The man next to her was a complete stranger and her firstborn child. They found a table across the room and sat each with a large cup of coffee in front of them.

He'd never been this close to her he'd dreamt of it his entire life imagining what he would say should they ever come face to face. She'd seen him a few times over the years but only from a distance. He'd secretly kept track of her and her other children wanting desperately to be a part of her life.

"I don't know what to say to you, Jason."

"Well we have that in common at least."

The air was thick between them and uncomfortable. Jason had so many questions flooding him all at once not knowing which to ask first. He wasn't sure if the answers would make a difference he'd lived his entire life as her castaway…her inconvenient secret.

"Jason…I…"

"Mrs. Morgan…"

"Fran, please."

"Fran…I know what happened to you, what my biological father did to you. I'm sorry…"

"No, you don't have anything to be sorry for."

He watched her nervously fidget with her sweater she'd yet to look at him and he began to wonder if this was such a good idea.

"I always wondered what I would say to you if I ever had this chance."

"I'm not sure why I came except a very close friend reminded me of some harsh truths that kept me up all night thinking."

"Truths. What Truths?"

"That you're my son just like Derek is my son and no matter how I deny it it doesn't change that fact."

"Okay, so now what? Do we pretend the past, my life up until now didn't matter?"

"No not all. I don't expect you to forget or forgive for that matter. I just thought we should have a conversation, that's all."

Jason was more confused than ever now as he took a long sip from his coffee. She watched him as he lifted the cup and brought it to his lips; he was so much like Derek that it nearly made her gasp. Still she couldn't promise him that she'd accept him or embrace him as hers.

"So what does this mean? Why did you come today?"

"I…I don't know…I just needed to see you to talk and to ask you about your life."

"My life? Okay…" He chuckled. "Well, let's see, I was raised by a woman who was actually the sister of my biological father that explains the last name of Morgan. Then the man who I called my father, your husband James, who was really my uncle was the only one who stepped up to the plate."

"My husband was a good man."

"Yeah. For most of my life I really thought he was my dad and I used to always wonder why he and my mom didn't live together. He and my mother were brother and sister."

"He wanted to make sure you had a father. He knew it wasn't your fault what your real father had done. He loved you very much. He always felt bad that he couldn't have done more for you."

"Well, he did more than you, right? Funny how he was able to love me like a son but you…you Fran, my own mother hated me!"

"Jason, I didn't hate you! I just couldn't accept you if I did then it meant I accepted what had happened. You were a reminder of everything bad that had happened to me and couldn't…"

"Couldn't what? You couldn't love me, right? I wasn't worth looking beyond that night! No matter what, I was a part of you, I came from your womb and yet I was nothing more than your garbage!"

"Jason, please you've got to understand…I didn't want any of this to happen!"

He heard his heart shatter in his ears and his lungs froze as he suddenly found it impossible to breathe. At last he'd heard it from her lips confirming everything that he'd felt and believed all of his life. He was nothing but a festering, puss-filled sore to her nothing more.

"I understand perfectly, Mrs. Morgan." He began as he checked his watch. "Look, I have a patient coming in soon and I really need to get showered and dressed."

"Jason, please…I didn't mean to hurt you…"

"It's a little late for that. Have a good life, Fran and don't worry, I won't tell Derek who I am…I'll keep your secret."

She watched mouth opened and teary-eyed as he stood and walked out of the room. She'd made things worse than they were before. Jason didn't deserve any of this he was a victim too. She wanted to be the woman who could forget the past and embrace and love him but the pain of that night was still too real. She saw the disappointment and hurt in his eyes; eyes that looked so much like Derek's. Perhaps too much time had passed and it had become easier to leave things as they were. Somehow she didn't believe that to be true and she also knew that she would never have peace until she made peace with her past. Jason was a part of that past.

Derek ran his fingers lightly through her hair happy that he had not dreamed last night. She was here next to him he'd come so close to losing her. Now all he wanted was to heal and get back on his feet so that he could spend the rest of his life proving his love and making her happy. He wondered what the team and his family would say they'd all been encouraging him for years to open his eyes to what was right in front of him.

He felt her moving next to him the bed was much too small for two people but they had managed to make it work.

"Good morning, Beautiful."

"I'll show you a good morning, Hot Stuff."

"Easy silly girl, I'm not quite up to taking you up on that just yet."

"Well, when you are Baby Boy, I'm going to rock your world!"

"I'll hold you to that, Sweetness."

He kissed her lightly on the lips and she quickly allowed him entrance into her mouth. He eagerly deepened the kiss wishing he could do more but for now he'd have to be content. Slowly and carefully she got up and straightened her clothes and ran her hands quickly through her hair.

"I must look dreadful."

"You never looked more beautiful."

"Thanks Derek Morgan! I see your injuries have affected your eyesight."

He grabbed her hand pulling her closer until their lips met again.

"No you don't, mister. I have an appointment with Jason in twenty minutes and you are not going to make me late."

He pretended to pout as he reluctantly let her go. He missed her already.

 **Thirty minutes later…**

"You're late!" He growled.

Something was different about him today. The cheerful confident man had morphed into someone grouchy and distant. His back was to her as she stepped into the room and walked toward him.

"I'm sorry, I spent the night in Derek's room and I overslept…"

"No excuses, Penelope! I don't have time to waste. If you're not serious about getting better than let me know right now!"

He turned and she saw the fire in his eyes. This was more than her being ten minutes late she 'd given him more than that to be angry about over the last few weeks.

"Okay, Mr. Grouchy what or who got under your fur this morning?"

He felt like a heel she was the last person he wanted to take his troubles out on. She was kind and sweet and had nothing to do with his foul mood.

"I'm sorry, please come in let's get you warmed up."

It was too late, she knew he was hurting; she didn't know much about him he'd been her therapist nothing more. Even though he'd dropped by her house unexpectedly, she still had not learned much about him.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"You just seem out of sorts."

"It's nothing, really, come on let's get started."

He so wanted to tell her everything to share his conversation with Fran but he couldn't. He knew that Penelope was close to the woman who'd given him life. Besides, after what he saw the night before, anything he told Penelope would most likely get back to Derek. He couldn't wait until this assignment was over so that he could return home. His delusions of a magical reunion with his mother were ridiculous and he was too old to believe in fairytales and happy endings.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her; the bright ruby red lips that seemed to beckon him daring him to touch her…to take her. Her soft skin felt like heaven as he massaged and worked her ankle. Why did she belong to his brother? Why was it that everything good belonged to everyone else? Slowly he moved his hands up kneading the muscles in her calf and then behind her knee. Her moans of satisfaction nearly pushed him over the edge. It would be so simple to take her right then and there. Nobody could stop him not even her. He increased the tension on his grip massaging and moving his hand up further still.

 _She stiffened when his hand reached her thigh. She could hear him breathing and could feel his breath on her face. Just as he straddled her she opened her eyes he was close…too close._

 _"Jason? What are you…?"_

 _He silenced her questions with his mouth. She tried to pull away but he held her in place with his big hand gripping the back of her neck. She tasted so good like sweet cherry candy. She didn't want him and he didn't care. Her struggle ignited a fire deep within him and he pushed her roughly onto the hard wooden floor._

 _She felt his hands pinning her to the ground, his lips on hers, then moving to her neck… she didn't want this…she didn't want him. He didn't care. His hand found its way under her t-shirt lingering on the lace for a moment before ripping it from her body._

 _"JASON!"_

 _He didn't hear her…she wasn't going to reject him like his mother had. For once he was going to have what he wanted. He kissed her again, harder against her cries and tears._

 _"Jason, this isn't you! Please…don't…do…this!"_


	35. Chapter 35

"Jason! Jason?"

He was frozen in place looking through her as if she were not there. She'd called his name several times after he'd suddenly stopped talking in mid-sentence. It sent a chill down her spin she'd never seen him act so oddly…so troubled. He looked at her slightly dazed then as if he was coming out of some sort of a trance he was back. Then suddenly his vision cleared and he looked at her with such pain and remorse in his eyes.

"Where'd you go?"

"What?"

"Where'd you go? I've been calling your name. You were so far away."

"I'm sorry, I'm just really tired I haven't slept well the last few nights."

"You scared me for a minute."

He'd scared himself. The thoughts of hurting her scared the shit out of him. The idea of hurting someone like his biological father had hurt Fran made him wish he'd never been born. If it meant he'd become like that beast that had spawned him then he couldn't…no he wouldn't live with himself.

He carefully helped her to her feet and over to a nearby bench. She watched him worriedly. She'd never seen him like this before. He was always a rock so confident and sure of himself…just like someone else she knew. She reached for his hands.

"Hey, talk to me. What took you away just now?"

"I saw that woman again, you know the one I told you about before."

"Yeah, the mother who was being really mean to her child?"

"Yes, that's her she was in the hospital this morning."

"I swear…if I didn't know better…"

"What?"

"I was going to say, that if I didn't know better, I'd swear you and Derek were brothers! He gets so upset when children are being harmed…"

Then for a moment she saw fire and anger in his eyes…then just as fast it was gone as he pulled his hands from hers and turned away.

"What, what did I say? Jason?"

"It's nothing…"

"No it something. I'm not a profiler but I've worked with them long enough to know it's something."

He stood and walked away grabbing his towel and other equipment and putting them in his bag. She slowly stood careful not to aggravate her ankle and hobbled over to him standing behind him.

"Listen to me, Jason. I know we don't know each other very well but if you ever need a friend, a shoulder…someone to talk to I'm here."

Slowly he turned and looked into her brown caring eyes and smiled and shook his head. It was obvious why Derek loved her; he'd be a fool not to.

"Thank you I may just take you up on that."

 **Pogo's Bar – Late Evening –**

Rossi couldn't help but see the likeness; Jason and Morgan both tended to run to the closest bar whenever they found real life overwhelming. He took the seat next to the troubled man as he drained the last bit of his drink. It had been his third.

"How'd you know where to find me?"

"You're not that hard to figure out."

Jason glanced at the man and then signaled the bartender for another.

"Who are you? Why did you really bring me here?"

"You're the best at what you do. My friend needed and deserved the best."

The bartender sat another drink in front of Jason and looked to Rossi waiting for his order.

"Did you know?"

"What? That Fran is your mother?"

"No. Not then."

"Would you have requested me had you known?"

"I don't know."

The two men drank in silence for the next several seconds.

"She's not a monster, you know." Rossi began again.

"I know. I think I'm the monster."

"How do you figure?"

"I had this vision today." He began. "I saw myself hurting someone. Someone I care about, a good person."

Rossi set his drink down he knew where this was going.

"I saw myself hurting someone like my father hurt Fran. I knew she didn't want it…me but it didn't matter. I was going to take what I wanted because I knew I could. She was crying and begging me to stop."

"Jason, listen to me…"

"I know what you do for a living. Am I going to be like my father? A rapist? Is that why my mother hates me?"

"No. You are not your father and Fran does not hate you. She hates the circumstances that created you. She knows you're not your father."

"It was so real…I felt so disgusting even though I hadn't done anything…how could he do that to her?"

"I don't know but you're not him! Do you understand? You are not _him_!"

Jason had never spoken with anyone about his life and his fears of becoming his father. His short detour into the madness he feared most was something that had terrorized him since he'd found out the truth. Today it was Penelope the times before it had been whom ever he'd allowed himself to get close to.

"I guess Fran told you that she came to see me today."

"She's trying you've got to give her credit for that."

"I know. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do or say to her."

"You don't have to say or do anything just listen. You both have a lot to say and if you're ever going to have peace then you'll have to talk this out. It's not going to happen over night but it's got to start somewhere."

"Thank you."

Dave patted the younger man on the back and smiled. He downed his drink and watched as Jason did the same.

"You don't need to thank me. Just get my future stepson on his feet that'll be thanks enough."

Jason looked at Dave in surprise and his jaw dropped.

"Does Derek know?"

"No one knows. In fact, he doesn't know that his mother and I are even dating."

"Wait, you mean…"

"You're the first to know. Can you keep a secret?"

Jason looked into the joking eyes of David Rossi and smiled.

"Yes, I can keep a secret."

 **Potomac General Hospital –**

Derek had drifted off to sleep while Penelope sat quietly on the small couch against the wall. She promised him that she would go home to get some rest but she couldn't get the look on Jason's face earlier out of her head. She'd never seen him so out of it before.

She had been a hacker all of her life and no matter what, she'd always be a hacker and right now her curiosity was getting the best of her. She pulled her laptop out of her bag and began a search on Jason Morgan. Nervously she waited as the information ran at lightning speed across her screen hunting for just the right person. She glanced at the sleeping man across from her and then at her computer. She wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do but she had to know and if she could she had to know how to help the man who'd done so much for her and Derek.

Then she heard the familiar beep. The search was complete and a picture of Jason Morgan appeared on her screen along with copies of his Chicago driver's license, school records…and birth records. She read the information over and over again not willing to accept the facts before her. She glanced over at Derek again who was beginning to wake up and suddenly she dreaded ever having turned on her computer.

"Oh…my…God!" She whispered.

"Baby Girl, what's wrong?"


	36. Chapter 36

"Penelope, Baby, what's wrong?"

She didn't know what to say or how to say it. She had a sudden urge to flee the room but that would only worry him. She'd promised him that she'd go home to rest now she wish she had.

"Penelope, answer me, what's going on?"

"Uh…I'm sorry Handsome, I didn't mean to wake you."

"I thought you were going home?"

She began shutting down her laptop and nervously packing her bag as he watched her puzzled.

"I did, I did, and I am, I am…right now!"

"Penelope?"

"I was just playing one of my games…you know how I am when I start…"

"Stop…right now!"

She froze he wasn't buying any of it and he wasn't going to let her out of this room until she told him what was going on. So, she turned to face him not sure where to begin.

 **Mar's Bistro – Evening –**

"So, what do we know about this Jason Morgan guy?"

JJ had convinced Reid and Hotch to join her for a drink before heading home and now here they sat in their favorite booth unwinding and exhaling before reentering the real world.

"Rossi says he's the best there is. His success rate is phenomenal…ninety-eight percent…which if you really examine it may or may not be all that impressive if he only takes cases that he knows he…"

"We get it, Spence. I just think it's odd that his last name is Morgan, he's from Chicago and don't you guys think he kind of looks like Morgan?"

"Okay, you two, enough. Let's order another round I'm really not interested in discussing Morgan's look-a-like therapist!"

The three shared a rare laugh with the man that rarely laughed as they signaled the waitress for another round.

 **Potomac General –**

"Derek? Say something."

He remained silent with his eyes fixed on the screen illuminated with all the evidence he needed to prove that Jason Morgan was his brother. She didn't know what to say or how to begin helping him process the information in front of him.

"There has to be some mistake…"

He knew there was no mistake and suddenly he felt as if his entire life had turned upside down.

"I'm sorry, Derek…"

"This is crazy, my mother has another son…"

She watched the emotions dance in his eyes; anger, confusion, hurt…if Reid were here he'd be able to tell them the odds of a long-lost brother appearing out of nowhere and becoming your physical therapist after you were injured in a car accident. She couldn't begin to process it all and she could only imagine what was going through his mind at that moment.

Everyone had a past and secrets but she'd never imagined Fran being someone with anything like this hidden away; somehow she felt a twinge of disappointment. Gently she took his hand in hers wondering what other secrets his mother was hiding.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. This is too much! What's next, huh? What's going to happen next? I'm not even sure I'm really who I think I am!"

She was worried he didn't need this now. Just when he'd seemed to get his head together and was ready to fight to get on his feet, the rug was pulled from under him.

"When I started looking around…I never dreamed I'd find anything like this…"

It struck him that she would be interested enough in Jason to go hunting for information about him he'd never admit it but he was jealous.

"Why did you?"

"I don't know I was curious, I guess."

"Were you interested in him, Garcia?"

"Oh no you don't Mister! I've been waiting on you for years to notice me you don't get to go there with me!"

She was right but it didn't make it right in his twisted definition of loyalty and…love…not when it came to her…to them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"I know exactly what you meant, Derek Morgan! To answer your question, yes, I was interested but not the way you think."

"Then in what way?"

"He just seemed…I don't know familiar. He reminds me of you in a lot of ways and besides, you know me I'm a hacker, I'm nosey; it's what I do, I look for things, people."

"Okay, okay, fine."

He seemed to be lost in thought now as he relaxed into the pillow.

"I need to talk to my mother."

"Yeah I know you do but it's late and it can wait until tomorrow."

He wanted desperately to protest but he saw that look in her eyes that said, the matter was closed and soon he resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to win this one and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

 _"I told you, D, I'm the only one you can depend on!"_

 _The sound of Carl Buford's laugh rang in his ears._

 _"Oh, did you think I'd forgotten about you? I've been here, watching…waiting for you to come to your senses!"_

 _…then the laugh again._

 _"I'm not going anywhere…you belong to me and I won't rest until we're together again!"_

 **Home of David Rossi-**

He brushed a few strands of red hair away planting a soft kiss on her forehead. He loved lying here with her especially after they'd exhausted themselves making love. Love had never been easy for him in the past especially with his job and his ambition to make a name for himself in the bureau. He'd learned a lot in his failures and one lesson was not to take anything for granted. He was ready to try again putting all the lessons he'd learned to good use and the woman now resting in his arms was the only one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Her story of her past had taken even this seasoned profiler by surprise. He hadn't expected anything like that to be lurking in her past and it was no wonder that she'd spent so much time and energy keeping it hidden from everyone. Still, it had not affected how he felt about her and he was going to be there for her no matter what happened next.

"I have to try again."

He didn't realize that she was awake.

"What?"

"Jason, I've got to try to talk to him again and make him listen."

Dave smiled with pride as he kissed her on the top of her head. She hadn't disappointed him. He knew she would do the right thing in the end.

"Good."

"I've made so many foolish decisions in my life, Dave. I should have never waited this long to see him…I should have never given him up. I just didn't know how to do it…to accept him after what had happened.

"Then that's what you tell him, Bella."

"What if he won't listen?"

"Then keep telling him until he does."

"I need to tell Derek and the girls as soon as possible. I just hope they can forgive me."

"They'll forgive you."

"I wish I could be as sure as you are."

"Trust me, it's all going to work out."

 **Windsor Hotel –**

Jason couldn't sleep he'd tossed and turned for over an hour still sleep eluded him. So, throwing the blankets back he got out of bed and headed toward the shower maybe it would help him relax.

The hot water was almost too hot to tolerate and he squinted until his body got use to the extreme heat pounding against his caramel back. The water cascading over his body and trickled down his left shoulder over the lion tattoo making it appear as if the beast was crying. His conversation with David Rossi was still bouncing around in his head and he felt lighter some how. He'd never spoken that much and that honestly about his life. He felt beholden in some way to the man who'd brought him here all the way from Chicago not understanding at the time the magnitude of his actions. His conversation with Fran earlier had been a disaster and he wondered had her lover not inadvertently brought him to town if he would have ever seen her again.

He continued to relish in the hot steamy water a while longer oddly amused at how things seemed to work out. He'd always wanted the chance to face his mother and when he'd finally gotten the chance he ran. He wanted to talk to her again he wouldn't be satisfied leaving things unfinished. David Rossi's words made him open his eyes and admit that he wasn't the only one who'd suffered. The family he'd always dreamed of, little boy's dreams of being loved and welcomed into the loving arms of his mother, was now more than wishful thinking and he wanted them…all of them and now that he was so close he wouldn't rest until he had them…he only prayed that they wanted him too.


	37. Chapter 37

**Potomac General Hospital – Morning**

He hadn't slept all night. How could he sleep? He felt like the victim of a sick prank pulled by the very people who should never ever want to pull a prank on him. He wanted to confront his mother and yell and scream and call her out as a lie and a fake. She'd always been the standard for honesty, integrity and everything that was pure and right in his life but now…now she seemed…human. Everyone was entitled to at least one mistake but this wasn't a mistake it was a well thought out conspiracy and he couldn't help but take it personal.

 _"But it's not about you, Derek."_

He'd heard it too many times to count; Hotch, Garcia…both admonishing him to not take things so personal but he was pissed and he wanted to know why the fact that he had an older brother was kept from him and his sisters.

The first lesson he'd learned in school was not to get personally involved with his patients but Derek was more than just a patient. He'd been restless since his conversation with David Rossi and he wanted another opportunity to speak with Fran. It was early…much too early for his appointment with Derek but he headed toward his room, two cups of hot coffee in hand and an excuse that he was in the vicinity just in case he was asked. As he pushed the door open he suddenly wished he hadn't made the promise to Fran not to tell him who he was but he had and being the man that he was he'd kept her secret.

"Good morning!"

Derek looked up to see the man coming through the door. There was a resemblance and he wondered why he hadn't noticed it until now. Walking toward him in an unusually chipper mood, he placed one of the cups on the tray in front of him.

"It's a little early isn't it?"

Jason smiled taking a sip from his styro foam cup.

"You definitely aren't a morning person are you?"

He wasn't in the mood for smiles and good moods.

"No I guess I'm not."

He watched as the man pulled up a chair and sat down a little too close for his liking. He wanted to talk to his mother; he wanted to know why this man was here, sitting pretending that he didn't know the truth.

"Today is the day, remember?"

He'd totally forgotten that today was going to be his first attempt to walk on his own. He'd taken steps using a walker and then the stationary parallel bars but today was going to determine how far along in his recovery he'd really come.

"Yeah, I remember."

Jason noticed his foul disposition and the look of disinterest on his face. He'd worked hard and had come a long way in his recovery and the fact that he was ready to take his first steps should have at least put a small grin on his face.

"Why are you here?"

"I had to drop off some progress reports before the doctors made morning rounds so since I was here I thought I'd stop in."

Jason saw something in his eyes; something he'd only seen once before. It was the same look that he had on his face the day he'd decided to end his life by rolling into traffic nearly making an innocent driver an accomplice in his death. He'd sworn it wasn't intentional and that he wasn't trying to kill himself but that would be a subject that would always be one for debate and more likely never to be discussed again. There was something foreboding in the way he stared intently into his face not flinching, but determined and angry.

She wanted to catch him before he left for therapy she needed to see him and tell him the truth. Her nerves were getting the best of her and she was happy that she hadn't turned down Dave's offer to come along. She was tired of carrying this alone and as she neared his room she tightened her grip on his hand. It suddenly dawned on her that no one knew about the two of them… she had a lot to come clean about.

She wasn't expecting to see them both as she pushed open the door and entered the room. Jason was surprised too and jumped at the sight of her and Dave. Morgan on the other hand, looked coldly at her and she even felt a chill in the air.

"Maybe I should leave you all alone. Derek, I'll come back in an hour to get you."

He took a step toward the door.

"No. Please, stay I think you both need to be here for this."

Morgan glanced at Jason then Dave and finally back at his mother. He hadn't said a word and that hadn't gone unnoticed by Rossi. Jason nodded and stepped back while Fran approached the bed. He saw the fear in her eyes as she struggled to begin.

"I've wondered if this day would ever come." She began with a nervous chuckle. "I was sure I didn't want it to come."

She shot a quick glance at Jason.

"I need to tell you something…something I should have shared a long time ago."

Dave impulsively stepped behind her placing his hands on her shoulders. Confused, Derek looked questioningly at the two in front of him.

"Does someone want to tell me what's going on with, _this?_ " He pointed motioning toward his mother and Dave.

"Are you two together?"

"Yeah, Morgan, we are."

He pulled her firmly against his body much to Morgan's shock.

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to get you upset."

"Well, I'm upset! Dave, I work with you everyday and you never thought it would be a good idea to tell me you were dating my mother?"

Dave didn't have an excuse and he felt as if what he and Fran had was cheapened somehow. He searched for words but he found none.

"Morgan…I wanted to tell you…I'm sorry I should have but…"

"I didn't want him to…" She interrupted.''

"Damn, and here I thought you were here to tell me that Jason was my brother!"

Fran felt her knees buckle and if it had not been for Dave she surely would have hit the floor. Her jaw dropped, Jason was stunned and Morgan's odd mood earlier suddenly made sense. Dave still had no words all he was good for was holding Fran steady on her feet.

"What did you say?"

She felt a rush of shame overwhelm her. The fire and anger in his eyes caused her to look away needing to blame someone for taking her chance to explain away. There was Jason in the corner he hadn't spoken a word. He had promised not to tell.

"Did you tell him?" She yelled.

"NO! I didn't say a…"

"It wasn't him, mother."

"How did you find out?" Her voice trembled.

"For now let's just say a little birdy told me."

"Fran, I'm so sorry…" Jason began.

Devastated, she pulled away from Dave and turned toward the door wanting desperately to run and hide. It seemed so much easier than facing her truth and the fury of her son.

"Did you cheat on my father? Ma? Talk to me! Did you let some other man knock you up?"

"Derek!"

"No, you wanted to talk, so talk! What did you do when you found out you were pregnant with someone else's bastard? Did you throw him in the dumpster or drop him off at the church, what?"

Now Jason wanted to run but there was nowhere to run. He couldn't run from himself. Derek was saying all the things he'd believed about himself for years. He'd felt like someone's garbage, unwanted and unloved. He watched as Fran broke down and he felt for the woman who'd carried the pain of him all of her life. How could she want him? He was the evidence of evil and now he understood how she regretted his birth.

"That's not what happened!" She choked out.

"How then, Ma? Tell me how it happened that you have another child and I'm just now finding out about it? Do Sarah and Des know about this?"

"No, they don't know yet."

"Derek, please just calm down and let her explain."

"Explain what, Dave? That my mother cheated on my father and had another child? I think that pretty much explains it all, don't you?"

"Derek Morgan if I didn't think your mother would disapprove, I'd drag your sorry ass out of that bed and beat you into the middle of next week!" Dave shouted.

Fran grabbed Dave as he took a step toward the bed holding him in place.

"Stop it, both of you!"

Fran found strength from somewhere she didn't know where but she found herself moving closer to the bed returning the raging glare back on her ailing son. He flinched slightly as she stopped close enough for him to feel her breath on his face. The room was eerily silent now heavy with pain, and questions, old guilt and shame that should have never been hers to bear. Then exhaling for all the years she'd carried the memories of that night and the memories of being forced to carry a child that she never planned and the memories of pretending that none of it had ever happened, she was ready to spill her truth.

He'd gone too far he'd allowed his emotions to overcome him and he wished he could have the last few minutes back. There was more but it was too late to remain silent and his words no doubt would be held against him and no apology, no regret would make what he'd just said to his mother go away.

"You want to know what happened, Derek? Really, because I don't think you do. It would be so easy to think you were right about me. Hell, I wish you were right it would make things so much easier."

"Ma, I shouldn't have said…"

"No! You need to know because you were quick to judge me like everyone else has always been quick to judge me."

Derek looked away not knowing what was coming next but he'd never seen her like this, never heard her sound so hurt and angry before.

"I was raped."


	38. Chapter 38

The air had suddenly been sucked out of the room. Jason felt it impossible to breathe he couldn't hear this, he wouldn't become demonized as if he weren't in the room. He had to get out and find a way to regain his balance and to breathe again. A sick feeling overcame him as he watched the look on Derek's face morph from shock to disbelief and shock again. Suddenly feeling invisible he had somehow made it to the door. His hand was on the knob turning it and beads of sweat were beginning to form on his skin and he prayed for forgiveness for all of the pain that he represented and he prayed for mercy that the sins of his father would not be held against him.

Fran saw him bolt toward the door she wanted to stop him but her attention was still focused on Derek and again she chose him over Jason…it seemed the natural thing to do and she cursed herself silently for the wretch of a woman that she had willingly become. Dave saw the guilt of her choices raging in her eyes and he quickly followed Jason out the door leaving mother and son alone in the room.

He'd always found solace at the large fountain at the front of the hospital. From his first day there he'd been drawn to it the sound of the water being pushed up into the air then crashing down on itself seemed to give him a sense of peace that was hard to explain. He loved how the water would spray light remnants upon his face if he stood close enough. Now as he stood near the concrete bench that surrounded the fountain he wasn't sure if the wetness on his face was from the fountain or his own tears.

"She's not a monster you know."

"Yeah, you keep saying that."

"You're not a monster either."

"Then why do I feel like I've destroyed so many worlds?"

"You haven't destroyed anything if anything you've been fighting a battle all your life to save your own world."

Jason turned finally to face the older man somehow he'd found it easy to talk to him. They were strangers yet he was the only person who had not judged him. He made him feel worth a conversation just like Derek's father had done. James had been like a father to him and now this man who like James was connected to the woman who'd given birth to him. Why was it that they understood him but she could barely stand the sight of him?

He didn't want to hear any more. He felt the anger welling up inside as she shared the details of her past. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn't protect her; he was supposed to be responsible for keeping her safe that's what sons did. But he hadn't been born, yet he felt guilty. Maybe because he knew his words had hurt her spoken in anger and from feelings of betrayal. Still, there was no excuse. How many times would he have to apologize before he felt he'd served his penance? He listened it was as if she was back there on that night alone pinned to the hard wooden floor a victim of being too weak to fight. Now he knew why he and his sisters never spent time with his father's family; they'd sided with Charles his uncle. They'd chosen a rapist over his mother blaming her for causing a rift in their family. His father had been caught in the middle loving her and feeling an obligation to a child that was almost as much his blood as Derek and his sisters.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because a mother is supposed to love her child no matter what. I couldn't love him and I was ashamed of myself for that."

"But you have no reason to be ashamed. You were young and you were the victim…"

"So was Jason. He didn't ask for any of this. I can't imagine how he must have felt when he found out that…"

She still couldn't say the words…still couldn't bring herself to admit that that one night still held power over her.

"That his father is a rapist?"

"Yeah, _that._ "

"Where is he now?"

"Charles?"

"Yeah."

"He was killed in prison three years after it happened."

"Good."

"Baby Boy…"

"No Ma I'm glad he's dead…"

He gently took her hand in his and pulled her closer. She sat down on the bed and for the next several minutes the room was silent. Again the regret for what he'd said earlier began to creep to the surface.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier…"

"Don't worry about it. I should have told you."

"So now what?"

"I don't know. I'm so tired of letting this control my life. I didn't know how much I'd become a prisoner of my past until now. I thought if I worked hard and went on with my life then it wouldn't matter…that Jason wouldn't exist."

"But he does exist, Ma and he's your son too."

"I know and he deserves a mother. I want to let this go. I've given Charles my power! He's been dead for a long time but he still has his nasty, filthy hands on me."

"He doesn't have to…it's up to you…"

"How do I let it go? How do I make up for what I did to Jason?"

"I can't tell you that Ma. I don't know but all I can say is you need to stop running and start standing in your truth and let Jason come to you in his own time and in his own way."

"It won't be easy…"

"No it won't."

"But it's time."

She smiled knowingly. He was right it was time and it wasn't going to be easy but it was necessary.

"Yeah, it's time."

It was silent again then the door opened. Dave walked in alone. Fran stood and met him halfway. He quickly took her in his arms holding her tightly against his chest. Derek saw the love between them. Maybe this would work, and perhaps he could make her happy at any rate he would be watching and he knew the two of them would need to discuss the consequences should he ever hurt his mother.

Dave pulled away slightly without breaking his hold on her. Looking into her eyes he knew she was ready and strong enough to fight for her children…all of them and he would be there with her…for her ready to give her whatever she needed to be whole and happy again.

"I think Jason needs his mother."

She searched his face wondering how he had become so wise. Her knees felt weak as she thought about facing the man she'd abandoned years ago.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

The walk down the hallway toward the exit felt like an eternity. She didn't know what to expect or if he'd still be there. Dave had directed her to the fountain and now as she stepped outside she wasn't so sure she was ready for this. His back was to her and perhaps that was for the best.

"Jason?"

"Yeah?"

"I…I am so sorry…for everything. I don't have the right to ask."

"Fran…"

"Can we start over?"

Jason turned slowly to face her. Her teary eyes gave him pause. He'd planned to yell and scream and tell her how much she had ruined his life. He needed her to know how her rejection made him feel and how he felt cheated and thrown away. But he didn't say any of those things. Perhaps later, but not now…

"I guess so…we can try."

She forced a smile as she examined him. He was so much like Derek after all that he'd been through he still had a kind, gentle spirit and he had done so much to help her younger son get better even though he knew who he was.

"Okay, then." She began. "Hello Jason, my name is Fran Morgan and I'm your mother."


	39. Chapter 39

**Epilogue – One year later…**

A lot had happened in the Morgan family. Derek was on his feet fully recovered and he was back to chasing unsubs, knocking down doors and facing his demons. Garcia had become a part of his life in a big way. His accident and even his life before Chloe had stepped into it, had taught him a lot. He was ready to let go of his anger and fears of rejection and of failure. He wasn't quite ready to admit that he was only human, but he'd come a long way in becoming the man that was able to love a woman the way she deserved to be loved. He was looking forward to Thanksgiving in a few days; it had been a long time since he'd actually looked forward to the holidays but this year was special and as he fumbled with the small velvet box in his pocket, he welcomed the changes he anticipated in his life.

Fran had fought hard to show Jason that she regretted the past and it hadn't been easy. There were days that she wished that she'd kept the past hidden but most days she relished in the freedom that the truth had generously given her. Her first-born was an incredible man and she felt herself grieving the lost time with him. Dave had become her rock pulling her from the darkness and loving her without strings. She was blessed and she knew it and it gave her the desire to be stronger than the woman who'd allowed a terrible event to hold her hostage.

Things were changing in her life and as she sealed the last box she stood to look around the small house that held so many memories, good and bad. She'd raised her children here and waited for her husband to come home from work here. She felt a brief twinge of guilt for being excited to leave and begin a new life. Dave convinced her to move to Virginia with him and she quickly accepted. She was headed there for Thanksgiving with the news of her move and she hoped it would make her family happy. All of her children would be there- Derek, Sarah, Desiree…and Jason. She hadn't been this happy in a long time.

Jason was nervous, so nervous that his stomach was queasy and he couldn't keep any food down. He felt like that little boy who felt abandoned and alone waiting and praying for a sign from God that his mother wanted him. He was a grown man now and had made a good life for himself, he was the top in his field and he'd accomplished a lot. Still, there had been a gaping hole in his heart that he couldn't fill or deny.

Fran had invited him to join the family in Virginia for Thanksgiving and he was having second thoughts as he closed his suitcase. Derek insisted that he stay with him and Penelope and it was all a little overwhelming. He'd spent a lot of time over the last year getting to know Fran, Sarah and Desiree and it seemed surreal. He'd dreamt of having a relationship with them and now that he was becoming a part of all of their lives he felt odd. Even now, Jason wanted to be angry and he wanted to lash out at the people who'd denied him all of his life. He'd gotten so comfortable in his anger but he had to admit his anger was misplaced, so he resigned himself to be thankful that finally, he had a family. He was thankful, he _was_ thankful…he was thankful…and if he kept repeating it long enough, one day he'd believe it.

 **Home of Derek Morgan – Thanksgiving Day –**

He wondered if it all was some crazy dream; he was happy. He'd somehow believed for so long that he would never be truly happy. But now he was and even if it only lasted for a little while he now knew how it felt. No one and nothing would be able to take it from him without a fight. He looked around the house and every room seemed to be filled with everyone that meant anything to him.

His mother was running a tight ship in the kitchen, orchestrating dinner preparations with his sisters, JJ and Penelope taking orders without resistance. He quickly grabbed beers for the men and slipped out before being noticed and risk being accused of spying.

He saw it now, what everyone had been seeing, he and Jason did look alike; it was still odd having a brother and he wished silently that they'd grown up together. There were so many times he needed a big brother. He wondered if Carl Buford would have been a part of his life had Jason been around.

 _"I haven't heard from you in a while, Carl! Where are you?"_

He pretended to look up waiting for a reply from the spirit of the man who'd haunted him for so long. He laughed to himself at the silence of no reply. He knew that he'd never hear that voice in his head again. One by one he handed the bottles to the men; Hotch, Rossi, Reid, and Jason, all of them had helped to save his life this past year. He'd always thought he was supposed to be the hero but they'd all rescued him from the black pit that had held him. He'd been lost and afraid determined not to let anyone in and refusing any help. He had begun to die long before the car accident. He knew that now.

He watched her as she giggled out loud. He'd never seen her smile and laugh as much as she had in recent months. He wanted to believe he was part of the reason why, but he wouldn't dare to be so arrogant. It had taken him a while to convince her that he wasn't going to change his mind about them. She'd waited so long for him to come to his senses so he understood. It broke his heart still when he would allow himself to think back. He'd hurt her too many times, he was sorry…the box in his pocket felt heavy suddenly.

"DINNER IS SERVED!"

They all took their seats around the table even Henry and Jack sat among the adults this year at Fran's insistence. The array of food smelled and looked amazing. Rossi began filling the adult's glasses with expensive wine while everyone got comfortable. Then after his glass was filled, Rossi set the empty bottle next to his plate and raised his hands to quiet the unruly crowd. Soon, silence fell over the room and all eyes were on him.

"I'd like to say a few words if I may."

"You've got the floor, old man." Derek kidded.

A light chuckle then silence fell over the room.

"It's been a tumultuous year and most times I didn't know if I was coming or going. We've had a lot of challenges but our victories far outweighed those challenges." He began.

Dave turned to face Fran who was seated next to his now empty chair and listening intently.

"Out of the fire and pain came an awareness. I found a jewel, a rare diamond. I've been blessed beyond anything I deserve. Now, I've been married enough times to have learned a valuable lesson and that lesson is, that when you find love, true love you better hold on to it for dear life."

Before anyone knew it, Dave was down on one knee in front of Fran. Her jaw dropped as her eyes grew wide.

"Francesca Marie Morgan, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

Derek felt a lump in his throat and a collective sigh was heard across the table. Fran's heart was pounding and for a second she thought she'd been dreaming.

"YES! Yes, Dave, I'll marry you!"

Cheers, tears and hugs took the attention away from the awaiting feast as everyone stood and celebrated the couple. Derek again began to fumble with the velvet box in his pocket.

"Excuse me…Excuse ME! EXCUSE ME!"

Everyone stopped as if somewhere an off button had been pushed freezing them all in place.

"I'm sorry, Dave, Ma…I hope I'm not stealing your thunder but…"

All eyes followed as if everything had shifted into slow motion. Then Derek dropped to one knew in front of Penelope who was seated next to his empty chair.

"I've been a fool for too long and I assumed you'd be around for ever. I took your friendship and your love for granted and I am so sorry."

"Derek…"

He took her hand in his.

"Please…let me finish."

She nodded fighting back the tears. The attention that had just moments ago been focused on Dave and Fran was now on the two of them.

"I love you, Penelope Garcia and I don't ever want to be without you in my life. I know I don't deserve you but I'm asking anyway. Baby Girl, will you be my wife?"

"YES!"

She stood and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately while a symphony of oohs and aahs played in the background. Like a few seconds earlier, Derek and Garcia were surrounded by their family and the celebration erupted once more while the turkey, ham and all the trimmings sat patiently on the table.

 **Later…**

Hours later things had quieted considerably as everyone had found a comfortable spot while letting their food settle. The boys were asleep in the guest room and everyone else had decided to watch a movie. Penelope had decided that it would be a great moment to kick off the Christmas season so she popped in, _"A Miracle on 32_ _nd_ _Street."_ The others were too full to protest.

Several minutes later Fran noticed him get up and leave the room. He'd been quiet most of the day and she hadn't had time to say much to him. She found him on the back porch.

"It's cold out here your gonna catch pneumonia."

Without turning around he smiled and waited for her to take the seat next to him on the porch.

"I just needed some air."

"What a day. I don't think I've ever had a Thanksgiving like this before."

"Congratulations, by the way. Dave is a great guy."

"Thank you. Yes he is. I'm a lucky woman."

"I think he's pretty lucky too."

Surprised she fell silent and turned to look at him. He still hadn't moved still staring out into the yard.

"Thank you. It's not true, but thank you anyway."

It was dark but the yard was lit by the elaborate lighting that Derek had installed around the perimeters of the porch and the patio.

"I wanted to thank you for including my in your Thanksgiving. You didn't have to."

"Of course I did, Jason. You're my son."

 _"Son…"_

He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to hearing that word from her. It sounded strange, good and he couldn't get enough of it.

"I never thought I'd ever hear you call me that."

"I'm so sorry…for every…

"Stop." He interrupted. "You've apologized enough, Fran…"

"Fran?"

"Ma…"

"That's better."

"This day was the best day of my life. It doesn't feel real."

"I know."

"So, how does it feel to be engaged? Soon you will be Mrs. David Rossi."

"After James died, I never thought I'd find love again."

"He was an amazing man. He was the only father I ever knew. Dave is a lot like him."

"You're right he is, isn't he?"

Jason nodded and pulled his jacket tighter around his body. It was getting colder but he wanted to stay right here and relish the moment with her.

"I wanted to ask you something." She began.

"Sure."

"Dave and I haven't set the wedding date yet, of course but…"

"But what?"

"Well, when we do set a date, I was wondering if you would walk me down the aisle along with Derek."

"Really?"

"Really."

His heart was full that was the last thing he expected to hear from her, ever. He'd gone from him being a dark secret from her past to now being included and accepted in her family. He didn't know what to say or how to react. He was happy, and confused all at the same time. He watched her as she waited for a response, she was afraid of his rejection now and he didn't know quite how to take it.

"Can I think about it?"

"S-Sure…of course…"

She quickly got up and headed back into the house. Maybe it was too soon, she thought. She didn't want to rush him after all, they'd only really known each other for a year. Still, she secretly wanted him to jump at the chance. Her heart felt heavy as she took the steps back toward the sliding glass door.

"Fran…Ma?"

She turned to face him hoping that he didn't see the tears welling in her eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'd love to walk you down the aisle."

She couldn't stop the tears or the smile that seemed to mirror the smile that was now on his face. He stood and met her halfway stopping momentarily in front of her. Without thinking she pulled him into her arms wrapping him tightly in a long overdue embrace. He hadn't allowed her this privilege before. In all the months that they'd been in contact they had not touched; now here he was in her arms.

Life had played an interesting game one that for most of his life he believed had been unfair. The woman who'd bore him in secret refusing to even hold him or claim him as her own was now pleading for space in his life. How could he refuse her? He'd prayed for this and dreamed of being a part of her like her other children. It wasn't too late no matter how long and no matter what had happened in the past. The journey had been treacherous but he'd made it, she'd made it and finally they were both where they were supposed to be all along. They were home.

 _"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend."_ _Melody Beattie_


End file.
